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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about your HV?

70 replies

hankib · 11/01/2019 17:32

I’ve been a children’s nurse for a few years now and have recently taken the plunge and applied to do my masters to become a heath visitor - something I’ve wanted to do for years now. I didn’t realise what a bad rep HV’s had until I got on MN and saw all the negative threads and comments etc. I’ve just started the course and would love to hear if anyone has any positive stories or tips they’d wished their HV had shared? I don’t want to read MN one day and find a thread slagging me off

Sorry not AIBU but posting for traffic whilst bored on a long coach journey lol

OP posts:

Bugsymalonemumof2 · 11/01/2019 18:20

The health visitor I had for 2 years was absolutely incredible. Without wanting to sound melodramatic she picked up on key warning signs and built my trust with her and then she got me out of a horrendous relationship. She also got my daughter assessed with autism which I hadn't realised she was showing the signs of and genuinely was lovely. The one after has been perfectly nice but not great, very old school

Raspberry10 · 11/01/2019 18:21

Mine turned up once, in the forth week. Had a cup of tea, said everything looked ok and said she’d be back. Phoned before the next appointment and said she couldn’t attend because had to pick up her kids from school, I never saw her again or any other HV. So anything is better than that

elliejjtiny · 11/01/2019 18:21

I've had 6 HV over the past 12.5 years. HV with dc1 was amazing. I was a very nervous first time mum and I had pnd. She was really good with all my daft questions and worries. Dc's 2-5 had a paediatrician and also I was a lot more confident by then so didn't really need their help. One HV who I saw at baby clinic told me i should change dc's specialist bottles and milk when I hadn't actually asked for advice but other than that they were all fine. Dc5 is going to be 5 in the summer and I will miss having a hv.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 11/01/2019 18:23

My health visitor was awful with my daughter as she actually had to do some work as she wasn't walking or able to jump when she had her 2 year check you could see it in her face that she was gutted 😂, she kept asking random things trying to catch me out and I was like no she can't walk and she can't jump so you can't tick that off on the sheet !!. My health visitor now is good but she seems to want to tick the prenatal depression box with me when I don't have it.

Confusedbeetle · 11/01/2019 18:25

This is an interesting thread for me, very long in the tooth and I was around when MN started. We saw it as a great resource for parents and promoted it. I am happy that some posters have had good experiences. However... prepare to be shot down. MN has a very definite culture. A very large proportion of my caseload found it at best inappropriate for them, and at worst judgmental and borderline threatening. There you have it. Many parents dont feel comfortable here. Prob not anyone's fault. There is also the thing that certain parents felt able to monopolise resources that we tried to use to empower the disempowered. Again, perfectly reasonable, not their fault but if you are going to train as a Health Visitor, know that the real job is unlikely to be amongst some feisty opinionated people who are often well able to look after themselves. This is not a true cross-section of society, lovely though many of them are. Stands back for the firing squad. And guess what? I am easy in my skin that I did my very best. You won't get it right all the time but throw your heart into it

Confusedbeetle · 11/01/2019 18:26

On a side note, I never gave a stuff how tidy a house was. A loving home is just that

tablelegs · 11/01/2019 18:31

Be open minded to co sleeping, dummies and combi feeding and You'll be fine.

I'm not sure how it works in different areas but my HV says they will be on x date. No time or even two hour window. With school runs and dogs to be walked, I can't wait in all day for her to come.

redexpat · 11/01/2019 18:33

Mine was nice. Im nott in the uk and at one point she told me just to speak english because i was so tired I could barely construct a sentence.

She really listened and asked good questions. Looked at me blankly when I asked about baby sign language and blw in 2012. 3 years later with dd she was all about sign language and blw.

SleepDeprivedCabbageBrain · 11/01/2019 18:40

Ours was so lovely. She’s warm, authentic and a really good listener. How nice to actually be heard and then proper tailored advice given. My DH is unwell and when she heard she came on a special home visit just to check if I needed any support. She’s helped us access resources in the past. I hope you enjoy your career change, OP.

Doyoumind · 11/01/2019 18:45

I had, I think, 4 in total. Two were lovely. They were to the point but caring and helpful. The other two were more box ticking types who didn't really want to engage.

I think a good HV can make such a difference to a new mum if they have the right attitude.

riotlady · 11/01/2019 18:48

Mine is lovely! She’s very relatable and she helped me out when we first switched from breastfeeding to formula, even though technically they’re only supposed to encourage breastfeeding or some nonsense like that.

My exes mum was a health visitor in quite a deprived area and she had some horribly sad things to deal with though, I don’t think I could’ve done her job at all.

Neverunderfed · 11/01/2019 18:49

My first was nice but meh.

Second told me to rest more which was nice but impossible, always told me how well I was doing which was nice.

Last set have been fab. Supportive throughout and genuinely nice, approachable people.

LittleScottieDog · 11/01/2019 18:57

We had one HV visit before DS was born who was lovely and I felt really pleased to have her. But a different one turned up last time and I was grumpy enough about it that I don't know if she's nice or not. She probably is, I'll give her a chance next appointment.

My midwife is fab, it'll be a wrench to be discharged from her care.

missymayhemsmum · 11/01/2019 19:51

I had brilliant HV. One got me housed, and dd into playgroup without criticising my parenting. Another helped me to see that childcare arrangements weren't working, and third came round to do a 2 year check when exdp was having a mh crisis and helped me keep dd safe. All that and advice on feeding, sleep, nappy rash, teething, safety, etc.

kitkatsky · 11/01/2019 20:03

Mine was an ex mental health nurse and constantly tried to diagnose me with PND which I never had (know I was lucky!) I had to go back to work when DD was 10 weeks old (no choice!) and she constantly harangued me about how important it was to keep breastfeeding which was a lovely idea, but wouldn't work in practice sadly. She kept on at mr and made me feel like shit.

On the plus side, I had a day's hol when DD was 5 months old and saw a different HV and she was wonderful- really supportive and gave me confidence that actually I wasn't a completely shit parent. I asked to switch to her, just as well as relationship broke down soon after that and ex was v abusive involving social services etc and my great HV supported me every step of way.

mrsmaggiemistletoe · 11/01/2019 20:12

Personally, all my HVs have been really lovely except one. And she wasn’t horrible, she just seemed very disinterested.

BUT I am a volunteer breastfeeding supporter and I’m shocked by some of the feeding advice given by HVs - some of it really detrimental to successful breastfeeding, or just really old school and outdated.

I do wonder if this is because some HVs either don’t stay up to date with guidelines, or just have their own personal view on parenting and advise other parents accordingly?

Anyway - I’m sure if you’re open, warm, informed and non judgemental then you’ll be grand.

ElfinMama · 11/01/2019 20:12

First one was awful. I was feeling horrendously guilty about not being able to breastfeed because of complications I’d had giving birth and my health visitor (who knew nothing about it) told me I was letting my son down by not breastfeeding and should have tried harder. It sent me into a downward spiral to the point I was suicidal. When I finally went to the gp to get help they told me they would contact my health visitor to arrange some therapy. Never heard from her again.

Second health visitor for my new baby has been lovely and supportive so far.

CMOTDibbler · 11/01/2019 20:19

I'm always amazed that people seem to know their HV so well - we had one visit to the house when ds was born, and then it was a case of turn up at the clinic if you wanted. Went 4 times in total, maybe saw the HV twice (rather than popped in and weighed him) then we moved when ds was 14 months. Didn't see a HV till his 2 year check and that was it.
So maybe 5 encounters with an HV total.

Sirzy · 11/01/2019 20:24

Mine created a big fuss over ds dropping weight when he was 10 weeks old - even though she knew he had been in hospital for 2 weeks including time on life support and nil by mouth.

At the same appointment she informed me of the importance of keeping him warm

when I raised concerns about ds speech and development I was told there was nothing wrong. He is 9 now and has speech delay and autism....

SomebodysNotInBedYet · 11/01/2019 20:38

I really like my health visitor this time round. But I'm yet to see one who will talk about co sleeping without warning you your baby will either definitely die or have bad sleep habits. Even though there's plenty of research suggesting it can be safe and beneficial. I don't actually co sleep with dd2 but it always puts my back up when they are so negative about it. I also think there is a lot of personal opinion on things like wind, nappy rash, teething, weaning etc and it can get confusing if you see more than one.

MilkItTilITurnItIntoCheese · 11/01/2019 20:50

I had the same HV for 3 children over 6 years and she was lovely. Practical helpful advice and as she was a mum herself that was sometimes far more realistic than I'd expected. I didn't need her much for the 2nd and 3rd child but it was good to know she was there and was approachable.

TickleMeEmo · 11/01/2019 20:58

Don’t make assumptions would be my number one bit of advice... when DS’s first HV came to do the first visit (pre-baby) she made lots of assumptions based on how young I looked, I don’t think she had actually read my notes or spoken to my midwife! However by the time DS was 8 weeks I found her a brilliant help as I was really struggling at that point. We then moved area and new HV was lovely, had some outdated advice but I was comfortable enough to speak to her.
We have since moved again and new HV seems to be nice enough (just had arranged to come round and say hello as she doesn’t actually need to see DS until he’s 27 months) she is a dog person so that always helps 😁

BollocksToBrexit · 11/01/2019 20:58

My health visitor is wonderful and fought my corner when a malicious referral to social services was made. Because of the position of 'complainer' I would have been in real trouble if my HV hadn't stuck her head above the parapet and called out the referral for what it was, bogus.

Stormwhale · 11/01/2019 21:05

I loved mine. Other than the fact that she could have been a bit better with bfing, she was amazing. She was the only one who would listen about dds reflux and cmpa and fought my corner with the Drs to make them take me seriously. She kept an eye on my mental health without ever jumping to conclusions or making assumptions based on my mental health history. She praised my skills as a mother and couldn't have been kinder or more encouraging. I think it helped that she had been doing the job for 35+ years, and had her own children too. Fantastic woman.

Yura · 11/01/2019 21:29

Our health visitors are awful - mainly because they clearly don’t want to do their job. So, anybody with any interest in the people they are dealing with would be great ;)
Example: came in, asked me - in front of my husband - if there is any domestic violence in the family ( no, but asking in front of my husband? ???), then continued to talk for 30 minutes how incredibly hard her life is and left.
Went to a weigh in. A lady with an older child (4 or so was ther as well).He played together with all the babies. Turned out she had come to let the health visitors check if her oldest had chickenpox. Health visitors just looked at spots, said “no, all good”. No mentioning to her that bringing a child with chickenpox to a room full of very young babies might be a bad idea...
Stopped interacting with the service at this point - the ones around here are downright dangerous.

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