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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend about daughters comment

31 replies

Mother40 · 11/01/2019 11:59

My 6 year old daughter has 2 best friends at school and luckily I am friendly with both of the mums. We go for a coffee every week and occasional nights out of meet up in holidays although they are.both busy so we don't tend to arrange many play dates. Yesterday my daughter said that one of he friends had told her that she is not allowed to come and play at our house as her mum has told this. It could just be the friend saying something silly, but the mothers husband has not been very friendly and im not sure if this could be what the mother has said. My daughter is well behaved but my son can be silly sometimes, so wondering if the mother could have said it.

I would feel upset if the mother has said this as I thought we were friends. I feel like I need to ask her if she did say this but my husband thinks i should ignore it as it would look like I don't trust her, and it could just be the girl saying something silly.

Should I speak to her about it or ignore?

OP posts:
loubluee · 11/01/2019 12:02

Invite her dd over and see what she says.

10PollyPockets · 11/01/2019 12:04

How old are they? I would have to ask but to her face not over text so I could read her expression . I'd just say "Dd said something funny the other day, that your Dd isn't allowed round"

Original poster
Mother40 · 11/01/2019 12:06

They are both 6 and have been friends since reception. Yes I would definitely ask her face to face.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 11/01/2019 12:19

It could just be that the daughter asked if she could go to play at your house and her mum said no, thinking you'd be busy?

Beryll · 11/01/2019 12:21

You have heard this after it has passed through 2 six year olds, who aren't the most reliable witnesses at the best of times.

I'm sure vital context has been lost along the way - maybe the girl had been behaving badly and the mother said she couldn't go to anyone's house? Or maybe the girl was asking to go to your house and play with your dd, and her mother told her that she couldn't go at that time?

Miane · 11/01/2019 12:23

I’d just ask, in case there was a problem.

6 year olds do make stuff up though!

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 11/01/2019 12:24

I would forget it and wait and see what happens. Kids tell you stuff that might not be quite correct and you can drive yourself mad analysing it all. As long as your dd is happy and not worrying about it I really wouldn't worry.

SparklyLeprechaun · 11/01/2019 12:25

I'd assume the girl asked if she can go to yours and for some reason the mum said no (eg no, you're not allowed to unless you finish your homework)

FinnegansWhiskers · 11/01/2019 12:27

Invite her dd over and see what she says

This ^^

CaptainCallisto · 11/01/2019 12:27

We had a similar situation with DS2 (5) recently. He kept wanting to go to his friend's house over the holidays and I said he couldn't but the friend could come here (which he did a few times).

The reason was that friend's mum had recently had surgery on her knee and wasn't up to managing two five year olds, and him coming to us gave her a break. DS2 clearly missed that part of the explanation and told his friend that he wasn't allowed to go to their house ever again.

Hopefully it's just a similar misunderstanding!

PositivelyPERF · 11/01/2019 12:34

I think SparklyLeprechaun is probably right, though when you say your son is silly, in what way? Is it possible he has done something to upset the child?

SassitudeandSparkle · 11/01/2019 12:36

Why do you mention that your son is silly, OP? Has this caused an issue on previous playdates?

H1dingInSight · 11/01/2019 12:37

I'm a cynical thing, but I find myself wondering what you mean when you say your DS can be silly. How old is he, and could you give an example?

Juells · 11/01/2019 12:37

My daughter is well behaved but my son can be silly sometimes

What does 'silly' mean, and how old is your DS?

Juells · 11/01/2019 12:38

Ha ha three of us asking the same thing!

Ethel36 · 11/01/2019 12:38

Don't trust any information that's been though two small children! It's like Chinese whispers! The girls mum probably just said, no your friend can't come over today, one time. Just invite the other child over for a play date. If she comes, it's fine. If she fobs you off..then ask her if everything is okay.

Original poster
Mother40 · 11/01/2019 12:40

My son hasn't upset her daughter previous play dates, but at scbool, about a year ago, him and his friends would sometimes chase my daughter and his friends although they sometimes wanted them to do it and sometimes not. He has been in trouble.at.school for silly things, like not concentrating on class.and stuff like that but I would.hope my.friend would.not hold my sons behaviour against my daughter, especially as is just silly stuff, not being nasty.

OP posts:
Parthenope · 11/01/2019 12:42

I think what Beryll said is perfectly sensible. I have a six year old DS and the things he reports are frequently missing vital context or just a child's eye view of the situation. I know he has also told a classmate and neighbour that he's 'not allowed' to come to our house, when the truth is that he doesn't want him to come over, because he's rather wild and breaks toys.

Bluntness100 · 11/01/2019 12:43

I would assume she meant your child couldn't come over on a date that the child asked for, and not ever again. I really woildnt stress it's nor would I ask her, I'd just go about my business as usual.

FortunesFave · 11/01/2019 12:44

Her DD might have indicated that she doesn't want to be in close proximity to your son.

Upsetting her on previous playdates has been enough to put her off....that and chasing in the playground.

Take responsibility for your son. Make sure he doesn't go around upsetting people.

SuchAToDo · 11/01/2019 12:45

How old are they? I would have to ask but to her face not over text so I could read her expression . I'd just say "Dd said something funny the other day, that your Dd isn't allowed round

Op i would do this ^^

Ask her if her daughter can come round ...if/when she says no...say in a jokey lighthearted way you'll never guess what dd came home and said, she said your dd told her that she isn't allowed to come to my house...and then watch her expression and see what she says...

gamerwidow · 11/01/2019 12:46

My DD once reported to me that her best friend had left the school because he was so seriously ill. It turned out he’d been off for two days with a cold.

Original poster
Mother40 · 11/01/2019 12:48

Fortunesfave, he did not upset her on previous play dates, it was at school and my daughter and her friends wanted them to play sometimes. My son does not go round upsetting people, he is not the best behaved child.but that is to do with wanting to be the class clown, not upsetting other children

OP posts:
poppiesallykatie · 11/01/2019 12:49

It may be Chinese whispers, but if there is an issue, you seem to have thought it out yourself and it may be your son being a bit rough. I have friends whose son is like this and it makes me a bit anxious. He is getting better as he grows up but he did knock my youngest over purposefully and gave him a concussion.

poppiesallykatie · 11/01/2019 12:52

I meant to say before posting, it is a reflection on you but nothing that can't be overcome, I would not say anything directly but I would point out that 'we are working' on his engagement with other kids because for some kids it is a bit too much.