To be so anxious about new neighbours

[partypoopers]

I feel I need to explain first that I feel I have an oversensitivity to neighbour noise which started when I first moved out of home into a flat and had the most horrifically inconsiderate neighbour who had loud, night-long parties and ignored our requests to please be quieter - a complaint ended up going through the council formally, and she moved out shortly afterwards. I spent a long time in that flat feeling anxious and trapped, I had a mortgage so it wasn’t easy to just move. I now live in a private rented semi detached house with a thin party wall, lived here for 5 years. First neighbours were a lovely young professional couple and I barely heard them – just usual up and down the stairs, occasional talking and front/back doors being closed. Then had a woman and her young dd move in – I panicked when they arrived as was worried about noise and she has been noisier than the previous couple – more music, she’s very loudly spoken, there’s been late night door slamming, hearing her argue with her child, etc. But she has been lovely with it and we’ve chatted outside many times so I felt I could tolerate any noise. Her house has been empty for basically 6 months because she’s moved in with her partner and is waiting for her tenancy to expire which I think is in a couple of weeks. It’s been blissfully quiet the last 6 months, it’s been like having a detached property. I’m feeling quite anxious about getting new neighbours purely because I have no idea who I may end up with, how noisy they will be and how friendly/reasonable they will be. It’s something that is really stressing me out. I’m dreading the day I see new cars outside and new people arriving. Does anyone else get like this with new neighbours? How can I chill the hell out both while I wait for neighbours to arrive, and once I eventually see/hear they’ve moved in?

Ha! Glad I'm not the only one. I do get fed up of hearing every cough, fart and cutlery clatter.

I hate noise from neighbours too, and especially when you have no idea what the noise is! My neighbours slam their back door so hard our radiators rattle, even upstairs! it infuriates me soo much! It also frustrates the hell out of me that they have a drive big enough for 2 cars but insist on parking one on the road...which they then pull into their drive each morning to turn the car around before driving off- why?!
I think I'm more sensitive to this though as the husband was extremely rude to me once when my now husbands friend left his car parked outside for 2 days while they were on his stag do - we live 5mins drive from airport. My neighbour seemed to think this was inconsiderate and moaned that they had needed to park on their drive because of it!?
Anyway the point of this is - I totally get where you're coming from I was petrified before my new neighbours moved in, and certain things do annoy the hell out of me, but life is too short to worry about these things and as long as the noise isn't out of control and affecting your sleep etc. then living in a semi we have to accept we will hear the odd bit of noise :(

I used to live in a Victorian flat. Couldn't hear a single thing from the neighbours - even the one with two dcs. Modern houses, though... the walls are really much too thin. The other things that conspire to make modern cheek-by-jowl living unpleasant are cars and music. Everyone's garage is full of crap and people generally have two cars. Also playing loud music is seen as a right. Oh, I'll add barbecues into this, too. I would go potty if I had to ingest someone's bbq fumes all summer.

The joys of living semi detached. I was lucky to have lived in a detached for 12 years and you just tend to take things for granted. I also had a lovely large private garden that was not overlooked and quiet neighbours. I lived in the back of the house and could not see or hear a person for days if I chose. Fast forward to now I am living in a semi on a road which is fairly busy. I think the party walls are quite thin, as I too can now here my neighbours talk through the wall, especially when they have visitors. I suspect the couple do not talk to each other much as at other times it is quiet. They have a grand child who visits frequently and she is really loud. At weekends she sleeps over and wakes me up, which I resent as I imagine the daughter is having a lie in wherever she is and I am being woken up early, so I make sure I go to bed with ear plugs in. That said I remind myself I am quite lucky most of the time, however it does concern me that if a family with children moved in I would have to move out myself because the noise would be terrible. At the end of the day it is always a risk wherever you move to that new neighbours would be worse or they would move and you would find yourself in the same boat.

Having lived next door to a chap who had his girlfriend over for all night horrendously loud sex sessions EVERY WEEKEND I completely sympathise with you. I already suffered with anxiety, and seeing her car pull up in Friday nights would set it right off. Eventually we moved back onsite where I work (farm estate) finished doing the house up and let it out for rent. I just couldn't live there anymore. We did have several chats with him and drop a note round to tell him how much it was affecting us, but by the time he relented and tried to keep the noise down, the house was already ruined for me.

YANBU It is very annoying, but once they are in you can usually get used to it.

I can hear everything (and I mean everything) my neighbors do, I know when they use the bathroom, I can hear whole conversations etc. They are not noisy, it just really bad sound insulation. When they use their treadmill it rattles the windows.

So I can understand your worries. I was the same before they moved in, but you do get used to it.

@ lilyheather1

I feel your pain. Mine were exactly the same. Very loud and theatrical. I had to put load music on headphones so I couldn't hear it.

Thankfully the Honeymoon period is now over.

Why did you move into a semi with a thin party wall knowing you had over sensitivity issues?

I am sensitive to neighbour noise too.

We bought a detached house and lived in total peace for 18 years.

New neighbours moved in, and in the summer we have 4 children screaming in the next door garden until 11pm. It is not normal playing noise. We can hear it in every room with the windows shut.

We have now moved, mainly due to the neighbours. We live in the middle of the countryside. But the neighbour over the valley plays extremely loud music in his garden for hours on end. It is just awful as I wanted peace, and the sound travels over a quarter of a mile to us.

Our house is halls ajoining and I too am dreading what might happen in the future.

See, I'm really worried that we're going to be the "arsehole neighbours" soon. DH has inherited his late granny's (terraced) house and it's a total shithole that hasn't has any sort of renovation or improvements done since the 70s. It needs central heating installed, a wall knocked down, a new kitchen and bathroom, and decorated throughout. I'm nervous about putting our new neighbours off before we've even moved in

But there is (I think / hope!) a difference between finite building works etc, however long they take, and the ongoing torture of noisy and inconsiderate neighbours.

So if new people moved in next door and wanted to renovate, or existing neighbours were building a loft / conservatory / whatever, that would just be one of those things. However, loud music late at night, children playing and shrieking at 5am on a Sunday morning, an unattended dog howling throughout the day, screaming rows etc, and on an ongoing basis, would make you that neighbour

Sympathy OP. We bought detached in a slightly less desirable area in the end as I was hypersensitive to noise after a series of poorly insulated flats and houses and neighbours with drum kits, big stereos and howling dogs. I think some of us can't 'just get over it' or get used to it. Even detached isn't perfect - you can still hear neighbour garden noise - but it goes a long way for me.

I feel the same about noise - I understand. We bought a semi detached with poor sound proofing. We put in good sound proofing and its been really effective. Haven’t heard a single thing from next door since it was done. If you get soundproofing make sure to get a proper job done even if its a bit more expensive.

Why did you move into a semi with a thin party wall knowing you had over sensitivity issues?

Didn’t know how thin they were before I moved in, when I looked round the property it was very brief 30 minutes during the day when the current neighbours were out.

All properties in my price range for rent are attached houses or flats.

*seenna

Why did you move into a semi with a thin party wall knowing you had over sensitivity issues?*

Lack of money for something better presumably?

My neighbour and I have somehow managed to time our morning showers perfectly. Sometimes I wonder of I should wish him a cheery good morning.
Nice man.
Very loud, fighty kids though. Endless fights that Take in the whole house and s end up in the garden. Not little kid either.
I heard the middle one tell the little one she is going to kill her when no one is looking...I stuck my head round the gene and assured her I heard her.
They spent all summer staring into my garden. I made scrensbfrom hazel wood. Didn't top em.
I am using CBT to dial down my reaction to them otherwise I am going to make myself very ill indeed. We r also planning a move asap

Totally empathise OP. I have misophonia and am hyper-sensitive to noise. I've invested in a pair of top of the range noise cancelling headphones which work very well for all but the highest pitched sounds - so I can still hear kids shrieking outside in the summer.

I agree that liking the people who are making the noise does make it easier to bear, somehow.

I've considered sound insulation but you lose a lot of the room that way, and am still debating about reinstating the hallway to block out some of the noise. Thing is these are extreme measures for what I realise is not an inordinate problem for a normal person.

Ideally I would live in total silence!

Op I am very similar. Mine was triggered by excessive barking inside the house next door - we couldnt escape it as the noise travelled around our entire house even with doors shut etc.

Unfortunately I cant afford a detached here but I do dream of having one. We tried selling our house but it fell through - we had planned on renting a detached. So we are trapped here for a while.

Once the noise issue turns into anxiety the only way of moving forward is CBT or moving. I did CBT and it helped a bit. I also feel much less anxious every time I see my neighbours and have a chat - It certainly helps. But it has gotten to the stage where if the dog barks my heart has palpitations and it physically hurts. Even my 6 year old DD gets upset by it!

In the Summer we experience footballs being kicked against the fence too :(

Can you keep a radio on or play music? I subscribed to Deezer for this reason. Sometimes when I know itll be noisy next door I put washing on as the washing machine drowns out their noise. Sad isnt it! I havent done that for a while as the music trick has worked well so far.

Sending lots of positive vibes though

supernappy what kind of soundproofing did you get? Was it expensive? We have had minor soundproofing done in one room but I am tempted to get more on all party walls but I think itll cost about £5k. But we could just spend that money on moving (after saving up again)

The soundproofing we had done helped cut out the voices but nothing else and definitely didnt reduce the sound of the dog barking, washing machine, tumble drier, doors slamming etc but I expect thats all impact noise. I had realising that we are trapped with it.

Hi. We were lucky as my brother is a builder so we could do the sound proofing for a low price. We did get quotes from sound proofing companies -I can’t remember for how much - but a regular builder can do the job.

We first put up a steel frame and filled that with rockwool. Then we covered over that with slabs of aome sort of soundproofing boards - and sealed the edges with some sort of acoustic gel. We haven’t heard anytime of noise from the neighbours since then no voices no TV, no impact noise.

We don’t feel like we are sharing a house with the neighbours anymore and I don’t have to make the kids keep the noise down when they are playing.

We lost a small bit of space by doing the soundproofing - about the lenght of your hand - but it was well worth it.

We live in a semi.

Their kids dictate when mine wake up as well as me and DH.

They scream. And shout. Repeat.

I book holidays around holidays. For example at Easter I will book for us to go away so we don’t have to listen to their shit every morning especially.

Weekends and having a slight rest in bed can be forgotten. They put their kids to bed around five or six pm every night so we have the noise start realllllly early. Every fucking day.

They are moving.

It isn’t today’s issue though and depending on who moves in then we will cross that bridge.

People are noisy selfish fuckers though and it makes me mad how inconsiderate some people actually are.

I don't know how the mum nxt door isn't driven demented by the screaming, the running up stairs downstairs, round the rooms back out agian. over and over.
at xmas i eventualy went in at 12pm boxing night cos the kids were making a band using the recorders (school recorders) and percussion section on the radiator....i was nearly weeping.
Its not just the noise, its the vibration. duf duf duf dufffff duufufufufuffu. hour after hour.
holidays from school i dread and easter we are planning a lot of time away.
yes they are kids and they have to be free etc but they sound like caged animals. the youngest has a melt down, every day at 4;pm. no she isn't SEN autistic or anything, its her middle sister just tormenting her relentlessly. I feel sorry for her really.
Anyway. Trying to be nice to them. Gave them xmas chocs and happy new year etc but the mum knows how loud they are but I think she is helpless.

YANBU OP, I completely sympathise with you.
I live in a modern apartment, zero insulation and I can't take a bath (quick showers) anymore because I can hear them opposite so clearly it's like he's in the bathroom with me and it makes me feel super exposed/uncomfortable. Their kids scream constantly, have zero discipline and the noise is hell. He's also a chef and would cook the sauces for a local restaurant and the smell just invades everything. I'd be so anxious about coming home from work because my home smelt. He'd be cooking from when I left at 6am and still going when I got home at 5pm. I'd vomited from the smell, my mother with a lung disease couldn't come round because she couldn't breathe. All that plus the noise, it destroys people.
I had to go down the environmental health route for the smell and some therapy to deal with the anxiety. In the meantime we're trying like hell to move. I feel you OP, if there's one place to feel safe and happy it should be within your own home.

Fingers crossed that new neighbours are lovely and quiet op .
@LukeCage I know exactly how you feel have the same problem and it makes me feel so very anxious, i can't even relax when they are quiet as waiting for them to start , trouble is they don't just bark when they hear a noise but they bark constantly without pausing for a breath .
Pisses me off more that they go completely quiet when they hear neighbours car parking up so when I moan about dogs it looks like I'm just being petty .
What makes it even worse is husband tuts and sighs the whole time dogs barking which stresses me out even more .
You can't concentrate on anything when they bark .
I do send a polite text are you home soon as dogs upset , sometimes she's sorry other times she ignores me .
My home is not a nice place anymore ☹️

Me too. I hate getting new neighbours, and I live in a detached house!

I'm the same after a couple of bad experiences. YANBU.