To refuse health visitor?

[Seline]

Hi. I'm a 2nd 3rd time mum to twins and had them prematurely. One is still in hospital and had a very traumatic time, and I have appointments for pediatricians, speech and language, dieticians, cardiologists and other specialists. I already have an older child with extra needs and so have lots of appointments for him too.

I don't see what advice a HV could give me as I'm already under such specialist care. My twins had extreme problems and aren't typical prems according to the nicu either so need specialist follow ups. We had the metabolic team involved at one point as they were concerned one had an inborn error of metabolism but thankfully that turned out to be okay.

I feel like waiting around for HV appointments would be too much when I already have so many and that I just want to be as normal as possible. I declined the Child Health Surveillance thing when registering them. I explained my reasons as above and the receptionist still seemed suspicious.

I now can't stop thinking they're going to refer me to SS or flag me up as difficult. I have anxiety and I keep thinking they're going to use that to say I'm unstable and need extra watching.

zzzzz it does! Most other worries seem so minor in comparison. I have to remind myself other people aren't trying to be insensitive but they just have no idea what it's like. When you've been taken aside and told your child is the sickest on the entire neonatal intensive care, people saying they're worried because their child crawled slightly later than their friends child seems like such a non issue.

Just say no. I also had twins prematurely and one of my sons died . It was a terrible time, my other son was very sick and I had appointment after appointment. It got to the stage I just couldn’t take another appointment and I refused a few plunket visits and the dentist (he had no teeth!) because I couldn’t cope. Just do what’s best for you.

Claudia I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I remember the agony I felt when I thought DDs death was inevitable so I can only imagine how awful that must've been. Best wishes

Another ex-HV here. I think in your case it would be perfectly reasonable to make contact with the team, and explain that there are already so many health professionals and specialists involved with your twins, that you really feel you would prefer to initiate your own contact with the HV team if you feel you need it. Perhaps acknowledge that you are aware they could be a source of support in future, but that for now, you would like not to be contacted.

I had a couple of families who had similar circumstances, I think I visited one family initially, but it was clear even to me that, beyond supporting the Mum, I didn’t have much of a role. As is often the case, the Mum was far more knowledgeable than me on the condition her baby had.

I really think it will be fine to decline. But do remember they are there for the future. Congratulations by the way!

Mine was good at chasing up referrals, organising things like Taf meetings and pulling together education and health when my child got to nursery age.

Spoke to them. The lady was lovely and very understanding, and said I can have the initial visit if I'd like and then just contact them as and when I need to as they understand prem babies have lots of follow ups but that they're there if I need them. I'm quite happy with that.

That's good for you though, yeah OP?
One appointment to get through then just call if you need anything.

Oh I am glad. Well done. One less thing to have in your brain

I have had two premature births. Both of my children were and needed years of specialist pead drs after. My first HV was horrific. Although you don’t need one legally. If I didn’t get my daughter weighed EVERY 2 weeks. I was rung multiple times. If my eldest only pit on 1lbs. The pead drs were called. It was awful. I would just check in with them. I’ve been exactly where you are. They need to check YOUR well being. And they will do so.

My second hv wasn’t that much better. Though my youngest had an awful milk intolerance. She sorted that out quick.

I did however have a friend who refused he hv. With a baby in neo natal. Her go was rung and they made a proper fuss. I’d be wary.

Ahh. Just saw your reply. Fabulous!!! Glad they were more understanding than mine. Pm me of you need a chat about prem births.

I just have the one child (he's had a few additional needs although nothing as complex as yours). I had two nice home visits in the beginning but other than thay I smile,nod and avoid the health visitors where possible. I'm sure some people who need the support find it very beneficial but personally I didn't this time round. If I had any questions I asked the consultants that we saw. Health visitor wouldn't have been able to answer.

As an ex HV I can tell you that the service should be as much or as little as you need. Most of us are in favour of parent led care. You dont need to shut the door entirely (the resource might be handy one day) but you should help them understand your situation and what you need from the service. They would only be twitchy if there were any reason to think there was an issue with the children or that you were having difficulty coping. Have a chat a negoitiate your needs. Weighing babies is a vastly overrated occupation and parents should be empoered to lead the sort of care they need without big brother or nanny state. They can be handy for referrals and if you get a good one, an ear to bend should you need it

I do feel much better having spoken to them. The reason I feel they may be twitchy about me is the birth I had was very traumatic and dangerous and several midwives have said they expect me to need counselling. In actual fact I don't feel depressed at all, instead I feel grateful to the staff who saved me and my babies and just want to move on from the birth and focus on my family. I worry they may think I'm languishing in a hole of PND when I don't really feel like that. But hopefully I've managed to get a sort of best of both approach here with some support if needed but nothing too arduous!

ive 2 kids and never had one,this is a opted in service and you have every right to refuse one

there is no law to say they must come to you

i just told the doctors office i dont want that service and that was it