Not to take a job I might love because i’m worried about menopause?

[grimupnorthLondon]

I’m 44 and have always had bad periods (2-3 weeks of pain and horrific PMT) which I mostly deal with using Nurofen Plus and Fluoxetine but I see signs of pain and moods getting worse as perimenopause begins. My current job is quite demanding but flexible and I have a lot of autonomy so that I can put in extra hours at the office the weeks I am feeling good and then ‘work from home’ (stay in bed and just deal with urgent emails and calls) on the odd days when i’m flooding, feel at risk of fainting or just can’t stop crying.

Current job is well paid but in a sector that has never really interested me and doesn’t really align with my values. I was recently approached to apply for and have now been shortlisted for a really interesting public sector role - it’s a big pay cut but I like the idea of public service, think I would have more in common with my colleagues than I currently do and hope learning about new and interesting areas could re-energise me career-wise. They offer flexible and remote working but I would need to recruit and manage a team and build a network within the organisation so I would need to be in the office most of the time. With my current state of health I think I could manage that (I only have about one day every couple of months when I can’t go in at all plus maybe a few late start mornings) but am worried that if menopause hits me hard I might become even more useless just when I need to be putting lots of energy into the first couple of years of a new role.

Has anyone else with a similar menstrual history found that things got easier or harder at menopause? My Mum was fine going through menopause but she never had difficult periods either. I feel as though I might be vulnerable to hormones and could suffer badly from anxiety, mood swings etc

I don’t want to pass up an opportunity without good reason but it seems a bit crazy to give up a well paid, accommodating (if somewhat boring) job only to struggle in the new one for less money. I do appreciate this is something of a first world problem :)

Have you looked into why your periods are so bad? Blood tests, vitamin & mineral supplements etc? I would ask to be tested before you turn down a job offer you want. Do you eat a fair amount of sugar/carbs by chance? Ever tried eliminating carbs (apart from veg) for 2 months to see the effect? More info on dietdoctor.com about the link between carbs and hormones.

jeez, can't you just try it & resign if your health goes too bad? It's what anybody else would do.

I had awful periods but menopause has been an absolute breeze so far, apart from the odd hot flush.

Having said that, in your shoes I would be going to the doctor to see if there is any kind of remedy for any of your symptoms. And my friend who was very much like you has had a hysterectomy and is delighted with the results - she feels so much better. Would that be an option? You are only 44 and could potentially have more than ten years left of this.

It's not a first world problem - I've had the same quandary. I've never really had bad periods, and still don't now I am peri (since 45 - am now 46). But this time last year I was hit really hard with mood swings, depression, anxiety, brain fog, etc. This affected my work, so I decided to try for a new one (twice). Both times I pulled out at second interview because I had completely lost my confidence and didn't know how I would get on in either of the new roles.

I went on HRT and fluoxetine, and a role came up at work that meant I could move sideways. I pulled out of the other role s partly because I knew if I didn't get on in them, I wouldn't pass my probation period, and I'm single, no kids, and mortgaged up. I needed to know that I had job security and could pay the bills.

So I guess it depends on your personal circumstances - if you have a joint income with a partner it gives you a bit more security to make a move. You could also ask your GP to try you on HRT? My meds pretty much saved my life.

Thanks everyone. I’ve been seeing doctors every few years about this since I was 12. Have tried everything from industrial quantities of Evening Primrose to running marathons to CBT. Some things help make it manageable (coffee and red wine are kryptonite ok certain days) but only the drugs have ever really helped. I am the main breadwinner and mortgage payer so can’t really afford to just leave a job if it doesn’t work and might be hard to get back into my existing field as I would have lost some of my current market knowledge.

Good to hear stories of those who had an easier menopause than periods - I do have some fibroids and a bit of endo (got a scan last year when pain became was especially sharp on one side) but not really big enough to make them recommend hysterectomy at this point.

I think you need to take professional medical advice, it's possible there is something that can help you.

As has been said, when you are eventually menopausal you'll feel so much better but of course you don't know how long the peri stage will last.

Good luck with whatever you decide, I'm so sorry to read about your pain and flooding. I feel sure there must be something that can be done about that. Get an appointment with a gynaecologist post haste even if you have to pay for initial consultation.

My mum had awful periods like yours and the menopause was a doddle to deal with after that, although she was late 50s I believe

LLkJ, guessing you are not menopausal yet?

Thanks everyone. I would say ‘nice’ to know I’m not alone but actually it’s quite depressing to think about how many women are faced with this extra challenge mid career, just at the point where (for many) childcare responsibilities are lessening...

Have you considered an ablation? I had mine for heavy bleeding but no period pains is a welcome side effect and it apparently improves pms symptoms too

In my experience public sector are great with flexibility around this sort of thing. I'm in a similar boat to you and need 2 days a month from home due to flooding / pain.

What’s an ablation JamAtkins? Apologies for the ignorance. I have not found gynaecologists particularly informative - they are generally most concerned with he long nothing is cancerous, which of course is good, but still...

That’s encouraging brownmouse - do you think it would still work like that if you were new to the job? Probably the anxiety at work (this is a ‘bad’ day for me) but have visions of failing my probation period if things get worse.

I'm 51 so could well be closer to menopause than OP is (44yo).

I start a new job with new types of challenges & responsibilities to it in 6 weeks. Wish me luck :).

I had debilitating periods age 24-31. Not great timing for career building, too.

I had similar issues endometriosis & fibroids and spent years in agony, back and forth to gp & consultant's. I made lifestyle changes, had a myomectomy but eventually had a hysterectomy. I've had a few complications, but my quality of life is much better post hysterectomy.

Something for you to consider; in your current role you can work from home when you're having a bad day. When you go into public sector I doubt that you'll have the same flexibility (initially), so will have to count these as sick days. This could have an impact upon your probation/future career progression.

Also - will the role still be around post Brexit?

P.s. I made the move from private sector to public sector with similar aspirations of doing something worthwhile. The reality of my public sector experience has been quite grim, lots of waste inefficiency, too many bean counters and I miss the freedom I once had. I'm hoping to return to the private sector within the next 2-4 years.

Ooops sorry for the long reply.

I'd try to get through the first few weeks with drugs if POSSIBLE and then once you know your manager a bit then explain things. People work from home all the time in the public sector.

Thanks NurseButtercup. Those are really sensible considerations. This role is a new one in an area that will actually be needed more post-Brexit so not too concerned about that but am worried about being perceived as flaky if I am physically absent much in the early days. Also get private health care in current job which might be good to keep in the circumstances.

menopause was the best thing that happened to me.
not one single hot flash (i had a few brief mild ones per day) was worse than menses itself.
my moods are so much more pleasant NOT sitting on a wet soggy pad.
sleeping better not worried about messing the sheets/mattress/having to do laundry first thing in the morning.
no longer self conscious of odor.
etc etc etc
i didn't use hrt. honestly meno with or without hrt will be so much better than endo pain and flooding.

Endometrial ablation is where your endometrium is destroyed using heat or microwaves. You are basically left with scar tissue so you no longer bleed. You can’t conceive after it and some people won’t do it unless you are sterilised but my gynocologist was happy for me to just have a coil as I was over 40.

Ah I see, thanks JamAtkins.

Cheers brownmouse. Are you a civil servant by any chance?

Ablation has stopped me from bleeding like the lift scene from The Shining (filling a menstrual cup every hour) to having a few days of very light loss.
Absolutely life changing.

Thanks QueenArseClangers (fabulous name!)

perimenopause periods & mood swing were dreadful than suddenly I realized I hadn't had a period for 3months & never had another … heaven! (My periods were always erratic heavy & painful & during perimenopause they were fortnightly - shudder -) hopefully your periods wont last much longer & you will sail through :)