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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think having a professional bridesmaid is sad

39 replies

tinyme77 · 10/01/2019 21:43

There was a lady on woman's hour this morning talking about her job as a professional bridesmaid. On some jobs they would create a back story so people would think that she was an old friend. She helps them prepare and attends the big day as their chief bridesmaid. The current bride wants her to become a brunette (she is blonde) so that she matches for the photos. All for Instagram. The world has gone mad.

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 10/01/2019 21:52

Could be worse, it could have been a professional husband!

blackteasplease · 10/01/2019 22:11

When you look at it they are basically a wedding planner / wedding planning assistant. Don't know why they have to call themselves a bridesmaid!

GoopIsALoadOf · 10/01/2019 22:14

I think it’s bonkers, but so much of weddings are now! I feel a bit sad for the brides who do it, it’s fine not to have a group of close friends but to feel the pressure to pretend that you do for the photos.

CrookedMe · 10/01/2019 22:16

I dunno. My friends mum died about 18 months before her wedding and she hired a wedding planner who was very much a mum figure to my friend, who was struggling with the loss and worrying about how she'd get through the day. Not that much different really.

CanaryFish · 10/01/2019 22:18

Well she won’t be creating back stories now and pretending to be their friend - she’s just outed herself and the brides surely ?

Thewifipasswordis · 10/01/2019 22:18

I think it's lovely tbh. She gets to help women who don't have many friends or family or anyone else they feel they could ask.

I think it's sad to judge anyone in that situation tbh.

RippleEffects · 10/01/2019 22:18

Rent a maid. The job of chief bridesmaid for a big wedding is an intense one. I think it's quite a good idea.

I really don't get the creating a backstory thing though. Surely people you invite to your wedding at least know you well enough to have at least met your nearest and dearest in passing.

SirGawain · 10/01/2019 22:20

I thought it was a bit odd; especialy lying to you friends and family about you (none existent) friendship.

Blessthekids · 10/01/2019 22:20

I think more than anything its sad. Sad that the bride has no one to take on this role, sad that she feels she has to pretend to have a close friend and sad if she feels she has to hire a professional so its picture perfect.

GiantKitten · 10/01/2019 22:31

I thought it sounded sad before the interview (was You & Yours btw, not WH) but her reasons for doing it are very sound & it was a really interesting item.

She did say that even with an invented back story brides will often go "GUESS WHAT, EVERYBODY!!!" late in the day Smile

& she sounded very nice

Aridane · 10/01/2019 22:32

Reading some of the wedding threads here, I think a transactional BM might be the least fraught option in a number of cases

PlumpSyrianHamster · 10/01/2019 22:35

Sounds much more honest than how so many bridezillas expect their mates and relatives to pay out hundreds or more to be their bridesmaids and then tell them to give them money as a gift, too.

Room909 · 10/01/2019 22:35

Sounds better than asking close friends /sister to essentially 'work' during the wedding. Would let actual guests enjoy themselves and put your mind at rest that things are being taken care of.

GiantKitten · 10/01/2019 22:38

oh it wasn't, sorry - starts at about 15:30

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0001yd2

DaphneDiligaf · 10/01/2019 22:38

What a fantastic job! I would love it.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 10/01/2019 22:40

Wow, is that a thing? How sad, bridesmaids should be special to the bride, not plucked out of Yellow Pages!

Original poster
tinyme77 · 10/01/2019 22:54

I think having a wedding planner is great if you need help. It's the pretending that I think is sad. I think that I'd be a bit embarrassed buying a best friend for the day. Shame that these people don't have a real friend that could be their instead. The hair dying is proper bridezilla.

OP posts:
BobbyBanana · 10/01/2019 23:00

Haha this sounds great. I want to be one.
Does anyone want the services of a dishonourable middle aged maid of honour?
I promise not to shag the best man and I'll be passive aggressive to your MIL for an all-in price.

Bluelady · 10/01/2019 23:01

But they do have friends as bridesmaids. This one is to do all the work so the real bridesmaids can enjoy the wedding.

GiantKitten · 10/01/2019 23:03

She was asked about bridezillas (not with that term) & giggled a bit & said so far most of hers haven't been too OTT.

The hair dyeing thing is still undecided. She's not keen...

DarklyDreamingDexter · 10/01/2019 23:06

There's a film called the Wedding Ringer about a professional 'best man' for hire. (Starring Kevin Hart, it's actually quite funny.) Didn't realise it was a real thing only with bridesmaids!

Lopp · 10/01/2019 23:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WiltedDaffs · 10/01/2019 23:17

Well I'd rather have someone like this than the bridesmaid I did have, we're NC now. Would prefer to have someone I know is pretending than someone who's nice to my face but anything but behind my back.

elephantinstripeysocks · 10/01/2019 23:27

i have been a bridesmaid 7 times. as im super organised ive found friends abuse the situation. i dont mind helping but doing the work for all the other bridesmaids (and in one case the bride, she even asked me to write her thank you cards) isnt fun. A professional in this case would have been fantastic and allowed me to enjoy the 18 months leadup more.