To be totally fucked off

[Lobsterquadrille2]

And I don't swear.

Father died a year ago. Didn't speak to any of us, which is fine, but mother has rewritten history and he was perfect. He was a POW who played the piano for Hitler. I am understanding of that. I replaced a child who was killed in a horrific accident. My ex left me when I was pregnant. I've been dumped twice this year. I've been an alcoholic for 20 years and AA is my salvation.

Oh and my best friend killed herself this week, I have pneumonia and wasn't there.

As we say in AA, poor me another drink.

That sounds a whole heap of shit. Is there anything in your life that you enjoy? Do,you have a fulfilling job or hobby? Do you like exercise? Do you have other friends who you can lean on right now?
I hope life soon starts looking brighter

It sounds like you are having the toughest time at the moment. Do you have a sponsor or someone to call in AA? Samaritans will listen too.

Have you any dc or pets? Regardless of the horrors in my life - and truly have been some - knowing I can hug one (or all) is a great comfort.
for you op..

No. Not unreasonable at all. That sounds awful. So sorry about your friend.

Thank you. Yes, a sister and an amazing daughter and cat.

I just feel so lost. Even when I started drinking, I sort of knew I'd find a way out. My mother is nearly 89 and needing lots of care. My brother is 59 and planning fourth marriage to a 20 year old.

Venting. And yes, a fantastic sponsor.

Have you any nice neighbours? I often yearn to have a chat with some nice people, no family except dh +dc and try to share a few mins with fellow dog walkers if I can, makes me feel more a part of things.

that's an awful lot of misery for one person to deal with!

Sounds like you're having such a difficult time, no wonder you're almightily fucked off. Please take care of yourself OP and put yourself first. I hope there are people you can reach out to in your life.

I was sorting out my friend's funeral yesterday, plus my lovely surrogate father had a huge stroke (88) and has been moved to a nursing home.

Then this morning I received a text saying that my standards had lowered and I was dumped! I hadn't washed a cup up!!!

On the plus side DD has a week's extension for her final essay. Silver linings.

Clearly not dumped my surrogate father.

Just baffled by my inadequacy with men. Seriously at six years old, my father said "close your eyes and what can you see?" I replied "nothing " and he said that's what I was worth.

Then this morning I received a text saying that my standards had lowered and I was dumped! I hadn't washed a cup up!!!

That sounds like a controlling bullet dodged.

Jesus tap dancing Christ. Be as fucked off as you dare to be love, you deserve it.

Thank you. I know I do AA but I was literally talking to this person last week and now I'll never see her again.

And I would never take that route but today is quite low. Thank you fir the comment about bullets dodged. DD would say that too.

Your father sounds like an absolute shithead - what a hideous thing to say to little you. And he was bloody wrong.

My second time replying to you today OP.
I, too, am a recovering alcoholic...found a lot of strength in AA.

Allow yourself to feel the hurt. Your mother is obviously unwell and this is how she is coping. You can't control the situation with your brother...so let him crack on with it.
As for the bloke, he's shown his true colours and you are better off without him.

Your father was obviously very ill. I know what it's like to some extent. My dad was an alcoholic and would say the most cruel things to me too.

You have your sobriety and your own family. Take care of, and be kind to yourself.xx

You know the only place for this is a meeting.

Your dad was a vile cretin. The world is better off without his poison in it. He was cruel and abusive.

So sorry to hear about all the crap you have been dealt. Focus on your sis and daughter and making yourself happy and healthy

Your father was an awful human being. It's his comment that was worthless. Hope you can keep going through all the shit you're dealing with at the moment. Your DD sounds like the saving grace in it all.

Maybe go on Pinterest and look up some inspirational AA things?

Then funny things.
Then hobby things.

Jeepers. I don’t know what to say except that I think you must be incredibly strong. You wake up each day and you keep breathing. In the circumstances that’s pretty kick-ass.
I bet your daughter and your sister are really proud of you.
Keep on keeping on OP. You’re an example.

Whenever I asked my Dad what I'd done wrong, he used to respond by saying "breathed"

Write the book and get it all out. Sounds like an amazing personal journey.

Wish you well.

Your father played the violin for Hitler? I'm not sure what that means, in relation to your issues. Confused

Totally get why you are fucked off, Lobster

That is a whole lot of shit. But you are worth so much more, and sound really strong, so keep on being strong. You deserve it to get better. I'm sending good thoughts your way.

Every right to be seriously fooked off... you DO sound like you're not giving up and will be here to fight another day!!

This too shall pass... and all that