To be totally fucked off

[Lobsterquadrille2]

And I don't swear.

Father died a year ago. Didn't speak to any of us, which is fine, but mother has rewritten history and he was perfect. He was a POW who played the piano for Hitler. I am understanding of that. I replaced a child who was killed in a horrific accident. My ex left me when I was pregnant. I've been dumped twice this year. I've been an alcoholic for 20 years and AA is my salvation.

Oh and my best friend killed herself this week, I have pneumonia and wasn't there.

As we say in AA, poor me another drink.

Mummylife2018

I agree, I think you are doing brilliantly, as through all your posts I see a sense of humour and lightness.
Get all the help you can as you deserve it.

Thank you all. A Mumsnet friend has just called me. You are a lovely lot.

The piano playing for Hitler was more to give background. He was a remote person.

Keep your chin up, your 'd'f had no rights, none.
His attitude towards that little girl you were back then says more about what a sod he was, not you.
Re: being dumped....you had a lucky escape.
Your dfriend, so so sorry you are facing this, I can't imagine how you're feeling, and coping.
I hope you can see yourself what the other posters are telling you, about your DF, about your circumstances, and about you. Re-read them, and remember, you are worth it

@Bedheadretention that made me cry. I don't always wallow in self pity. Thank you.

Losterquadrille2, all I can say to you, as you are at rock bottom, is the only way is up. You've had more than the usual share of heartache, now it is your turn for good things.

Thank you, Next.....

Someone told me that pain is proof that you’re alive. Some of us are obviously more alive than others, right? My mother used to love the sound of my arms breaking. Or fingers if she was pressed for time. Parents aren’t all kind or loving, but we don’t have to repeat the patterns we’ve been taught. We can sing our own songs, and create a new way of doing things for ourselves and those we love. Unfortunately it sounds like your friend had too much pain to deal with, and now you’re going to live with her loss. Suicide is unimaginably sad for those left behind. To be dumped over an un-rinsed teacup, however - is ludicrous. To call that a bully dodged is an extreme minimisation.

*bullet.
I am so sorry that all of this is coming at you in one tsunami of terribleness. I wish you some kind of peace of mind and at the very least a recognition that you have not brought this all upon yourself. This is not all your responsibility. You did not make these choices. (Perhaps you could have rinsed the teacup, but out of all of the possible outcomes, which one would it have improved most?)

@justilou1 thank you for that. In his defence, my slacking on standards included both a non rinsed cup but unforgivably knickers in the floor. Which he put there.

I sort of know I'm not responsible. Also that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Thank you all. X

My sister says they are both idiots.

And yep, going to a meeting 😀

Tbh the ‘standard’ that was ‘slipped’ was dating the arse in the first place! Bullet well and truly dodged!
You deserve several 🏅🏅🏅🏅for still being able to function as a human being after the shit you’ve waded through so far. Keep putting one foot in front of another.

Awww @lobster I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm sorry
I was just trying to make you see the fact that no-one has the rights to tell you what you are or should be. How do they know when they can't see their own shortcomings? What gave them the rights to point out your perceived 'flaws', who are they anyway? Nasty, ignorant and petty tw@ts who couldn't see past the end of their own nose with 20/20 vision
As for your friend, that wasn't your fault, and even if you could have 'saved' her now, there's nothing to say she wouldn't try again in future.....you can't always be there, despite how much you care. Don't blame yourself.
I hope you're feeling better today, take care and listen to your sister and us on here