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Original poster

Is this normal (school run)?

49 replies

skipskipslipped · 10/01/2019 15:55

Is it normal not to have one single friend from the school run? I do it every day and barely a soul speaks to me. I have one child who started in September who's in a small class so it's not like the playground is so busy that I don't get noticed, just no one says hi or even smiles at me. Do I just suck it up?

OP posts:
Coloursthatweremyjoy · 10/01/2019 16:00

Well with my first the parents were friendly and anyone seemed to chat with anyone. With my 2nd people just didn't seem social, I tried smiling and saying hello but apart from the occasional smile back it didn't come to anything. A bit sad but I sucked it up because I figured I had friends in other places. Different groups of people I suppose.

Gotstuckwiththisname · 10/01/2019 16:03

My oldest has been to 2 schools. The first school, I chatted to a couple of parents a couple of times, but didn't make any friends and people didn't seem to like me very much.

The second school, I chat to everyone and I have made really good friends with 2 of the mums. We have girls nights in and everything and they're amongst my closest friends.

I did nothing different. I wasn't that bothered about making friends amongst the mums either time to be honest, I had my friends already.

GassyAss · 10/01/2019 16:04

I used to be you OP. DD didn't go to the local preschool so I didn't know any of the parents when she started school. Then I used to pick her up straight from work so wasn't in playground for hours before the bell went to chat like the others. A lot of them had younger children or didn't work so I think they knew each other socially from the gym or preschool.
It was a lonely place. It didn't bother DH one bit but it bothered me.

Now DD is at high school it's such a relief not to have to do the school run.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/01/2019 16:05

I'm the same but tbh don't really hang around long enough to chat. I don't know why aren't a are there for so long.

I'm the one that drops their child off then goes.

Pollysuesie · 10/01/2019 16:05

Do they speak to each other and just not speak to you?

bellinisurge · 10/01/2019 16:05

Takes a while.

KavvLar · 10/01/2019 16:06

Schools can really vary. I had friends who leapt straight in to 'bestie' mode with school mums at the start of reception and then found it very difficult to maintain. So I wouldn't worry too much.

I am quite a friendly person but take my time by choice. Having done this twice now in two different years, I'd recommend you throwing out a friendly smile, instigate general pleasantries about weather or 'which is your little one, how are they getting on in Reception'? Friendships and conversation will grow and it's still early days yet, don't worry too much.

MrsWillGardner · 10/01/2019 16:12

In the 10yrs I’ve been doing the school run, I’ve only made 2 friends. 1 I see rarely now as her eldest walks so don’t cross paths much, but the other I’m really close to. None of our kids are in the same year though so I’m not sure how ‘we’ came about if that makes sense! But it will happen for you. It’s all about time and familiarity.

LL83 · 10/01/2019 16:21

Walk towards someone approachable looking and say hi. Make chit chat about the weather/homework ask after their kid. What's the worst that could happen?

NancyJoan · 10/01/2019 16:22

What do you do? Do you talk to people? Does your DC go to parties/have friends over to play?

NKFell · 10/01/2019 16:22

Tbh I'm a drop and go sort of parent. If someone smiles and me I'll smile back and might say 'hi' but I'm always in a hurry.

Pommes · 10/01/2019 16:24

I spoke to a very small handful of parents until my son's 5th birthday party. We invited the whole class and suddenly every parent spoke to me; I suppose knowing my name, which child was mine, and exchanging a text when they RSVPed made the difference.

Lindy2 · 10/01/2019 16:24

It may be that some of the other parents already know each other from preschool, playgroups, being neighbours etc.
Do you know anyone there from non school activities that you can chat to?
It can take a while to get to know people. It's only been one term. Class parties for birthdays where patents stay to watch/chat can be a good way to break the ice and get to know a few more people a bit better.

BarbarianMum · 10/01/2019 16:24

I had "playground friends" - other parents Id chat to for 10 min at pick up and drop off but I didn't make friends in the pksyground, no.

Oddsocksforeveryone · 10/01/2019 16:26

When my eldest stared primary I was very chatty, some parents didn't talk to anyone and I thought they were a bit off. I have made a couple of close friends (5 years on and 2 children currently in school) but have also made a few 'friends' who turned out to be total batshit nutbags. The latest one was the worst and caused a terrible drama at school that involved me having to go in for several meetings with teachers and other staff. One school Mum I went shopping with today (with our younger children) and another school Mum I've been to the cinema with twice recently, and I love them but the crazies have put me off so bad I now understand why some mums don't interact on the school run.

Eminybob · 10/01/2019 16:28

IME you have to really make the effort.
I’m not very confident with new people and can be a bit awkward socially, but I just leapt in and made the effort.
I’m on maternity leave at the moment so am there at every pick up and drop off for the rest of the year, therefore felt it better to have people to chat to. I probably wouldn’t have been bothered otherwise.

bellinisurge · 10/01/2019 16:30

I found that hosting old school birthday parties at my house helped break the ice. I only have a little house and it's a bit shabby but it helped. Also just passing the time of day and faking warm open friendliness as best I could.

Lavenderdays · 10/01/2019 16:31

Like others have said, it can really vary. With my eldest, I used to talk a lot more to people and made a couple of good friends and used to chat a bit more but with my second, it seems very different. I think luck has a lot to do with who you meet. It certainly seems a lonelier place this time around and actually I think I end up talking more to the grandparents than the parents. Some of the friendships have already been established - my dc didn't attend pre-school until late on and I think a lot of the mums had already met. All I can suggest is that if you manage to have eye contact with anyone perhaps make some general comment about the weather etc.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 10/01/2019 16:33

It is so much down to luck with what kind of parents you get in your child's year group. My Daughters year group is as you describe-no one really talks and there's actually quite an unpleasant atmosphere in the playground (5 year age group between #1 and #2) The year group itself has actually turned out to be quite unpleasant too...go figure.
My Son's group is just lovely. I've met some of my best friends through his school.

Miane · 10/01/2019 16:33

no one says hi or even smiles at me

Do you say hi? Start conversations, introduce yourself to your DC’s friend’s parents?

You need to do the work I’m afraid.

firawla · 10/01/2019 16:37

I’d say it took longer than that for me, if that’s your eldest child currently in reception. I know loads of people to chat to now, but it did take time. I’d say if your dc has formed any particular friendships already then play dates is a brilliant way to get to know people more, or get involved in any school events that come up. If you see anyone stood on their own that looks approachable just go and ask them anything to open up the conversation- then next time you’ll know that person to say hi. All my dc started reception without going to the school nursery so we didn’t know anyone and I did feel a bit like you but in time you will get to know most people so don’t feel like you’re destined for the next 6 years of stood on your Todd

ChoccyBiccyTastic · 10/01/2019 16:39

I have one in year 5 and one in year 2. I have loads of mum friends and not just from their classes. Not sure how it happened now, but I'm pretty sure I had no friends at all at your stage. It will happen!

Littlechocola · 10/01/2019 16:39

Do you say hello?
I never really did the playground thing because I was working but when I did get to do it I was pleased that it wasn’t often.

bellinisurge · 10/01/2019 16:40

Everyone is tied up with their own anxieties and nonsense on the school run. It's a real pinch point. Sometimes you get a smile sometimes you don't. Don't read anything into it and play the long game. Smile and be as approachable as you can.
I was older than most of the parents and not from the area. My dd cried pretty much every morning at the drop off. Slowly slowly we started bonding over stuff. Some are still pals now she's in Y7 at a different school to everyone else (long story) some aren't. Long way to go.

Neolara · 10/01/2019 16:40

I have made lots of friends at the school gate. However, when my Dc1 was in nursey, noone would talk to me or often even say say hello despite my best efforts to be friendly. It was very cliquey. On reflection, it was just a wierd dynamic amongst the parents that reflected a wierd dynamic in the classroom. Sometimes, for fault of your own, groups of people are just not friendly. It really can be them not you.

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