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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU for wishing One Born Every Minute would put warnings on distressing episodes

88 replies

gimmeadoughnut123 · 10/01/2019 09:37

I watched OBEM a lot before pregnancy anyway, but have asked DH to watch it a few times, as I think he was under an illusion that birth was 'clean' (not a lot of blood, etc). I'm now half way through pregnancy.

I've watched it recently, two people had big bleeds that meant lots of doctors running around tending to Mum, and now I've seen one where baby isn't breathing properly on its own and has been rushed away to neo natal.

I'm aware these things do, very sadly, happen. But should they not put some sort of warnings on there as a heads up?! I don't care about the normal blood/poo/whatever in birth scenes, but I'm never prepared for the emotional stuff.

I keep saying I'm going to stop watching it whilst pregnant but it never happens.

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 10/01/2019 10:56

its called a remote control turn it off

stop blaming the program that u just absolutely have to watch-its like when people get offended over a comedian on tv noone has mad eu watch it

ThisHasReallyPIssedMeOff · 10/01/2019 10:57

Don't all episodes contain something that is potentially distressing for someone?

Just take a bit of responsibility for your own viewing habits.

ThisHasReallyPIssedMeOff · 10/01/2019 10:59

Then again, I can't quite believe that there are any adults who need to check whether or not a dog dies in a film before they watch it.

Some people have clearly lived very sheltered lives!

Sassenach85 · 10/01/2019 11:00

I think if you are this jittery about complications (of other people) then maybe speak to your midwife about how you feel. There may be a can of worms here and it's better to deal with these things. Childbirth is hardcore!! Whether you are in a birth pool listening to enya or screaming for your life on a hospital bed.... it's very commonly a nitty gritty pushed to your limits kind of occasion. You sound fairly sensitive to that idea?

Celebelly · 10/01/2019 11:02

@CatnissEverdene The shoulder dystocia episode was really upsetting, I agree. It's actually the only one I can really remember clearly, but I felt very weepy watching that poor woman and her husband when all those medical staff poured into the room. And when the baby came out all floppy and blue... thank god they were all OK.

What I find most distressing about OBEM in general is amount of the crap and useless husbands/partners. I remember some guy being unable to find the button to call the midwife despite it being very obviousHe just spent ages faffing about with what was quite clearly the dimmable lighting.

stillworkingitout · 10/01/2019 11:03

My first birth would have fallen into the category of ‘distressing’ - prolonged rupture, followed by induction, followed by emergency forceps (busy theatre, no time to go there), followed by intubated baby in NICU. Blood everywhere. Screaming through the stitches, anguish for my baby rather than pain (epidural). Then silence. Everyone went away and left us alone with no information about baby for several hours.

I felt like such a failure. I don’t think those kinds of outcomes were common on OBEM back then (quite a few caesareans but not many panicked ones). I think it’s so important to show and include these experiences because they are the truth for some of us.

I’ve been lucky enough to experience an uncomplicated delivery too and know just how different birth experiences can be. We need to talk about traumatic birth, sometimes it goes badly, and that breaks people. We shouldn’t censor it

babysharkah · 10/01/2019 11:08

Thing is they're not going to show many 'boring' straightforward births. Doesn't make for great tv. An ounce of common sense would make you think there could be distressing things in there.

I'm really glad I watched it when I was pregnant / pre-dc as I was more prepared when it did all go tits up. Can't watch it at all now!

Crunchymum · 10/01/2019 11:11

I never watched OBEM when pregnant (in fact since having baby's I can't handle watching it)

DC3 was a neonate and the staff are very calm, professional and everything is done to ensure mum isn't panicked.

ladybee28 · 10/01/2019 11:13

Complications which some might find distressing?

Who is 'some', though? And how would I know if I'm 'some' until I watch it?

The things 'some' get distressed by these days, I'm starting to think I should have a trigger warning on my face.

I think YAB a bit U here, OP – this expectation that nobody should have to come into contact with anything that stirs less than a positive emotion is an incredibly recent social development, and it's bordering on the ridiculous.

I'm not saying YOU'RE pathetic, to be clear – it just sounds like you're pregnant and trying to be extra careful with what you watch – but you do know where the off button is on your TV.

OhTheRoses · 10/01/2019 11:14

There definitely should be a warning.

"Do not expect your hospital to be as clean, to be afforded such privacy or that the midwives will be as kind, competent and cheerful".

DayAfterTomorrow · 10/01/2019 11:25

The things 'some' get distressed by these days, I'm starting to think I should have a trigger warning on my face

It has all got a bit ridiculous hasn't it?

NowApparently · 10/01/2019 11:31

Honestly just stop watching it, it did nothing but add to my ever-present anxiety in pregnancy.

It does nothing to prepare you for how your labour will go and what you will experience, and if anything will only build up your hopes of a perfect birth or anxieties over the slightest complication. Complications do happen, but the people right there in that room have spent YEARS training for every eventuality and probably won't even bat an eyelid to something you'd consider a medical emergency.

My daughter was born at 35 weeks after going into labour at 34 weeks. At no point did any member of the medical staff show any kind of worry that it wasn't a situation they could manage the hell out of. They were genuinely amazing, my daughter wasn't breathing properly when she was born and within two minutes they had her sorted and on my chest, we were home two days later.

Original poster

gimmeadoughnut123 · 10/01/2019 11:34

Then again, I can't quite believe that there are any adults who need to check whether or not a dog dies in a film before they watch it.

I know plenty of people that do this. Sorry that my hormones mean that I don't want to watch a dog dying.

OP posts:

MargoLovebutter · 10/01/2019 11:40

Giving birth is a full on experience and this TV show does show some aspects of that.

If you are pregnant and a first time mum and a bit jittery about it all, surely common sense would suggest that you don't watch anything that may make you feel more uncomfortable.

The great thing about TV, is that you don't have to watch it. Why do you keep saying you are going to stop watching it and then keep watching it OP? That makes no sense!!!!! Just turn it off.

Thesearmsofmine · 10/01/2019 11:45

Just turn it off. The nature of birth is that there will sometimes be emergencies and distressing scenes.

Two of my experiences were traumatic and I cannot watch that show anymore because it is so far away from my own experiences and feelings around birth. I did like the Emma Willis series more recently though.

GruffaloStick · 10/01/2019 11:51

I think the trigger warning is pretty obvious with the title of the show, no?
Birth is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do and it rarely goes to plan even in a 'straightforward' delivery.
I understand you're nervous being pregnant but I wished I was more prepared before my first birth and understood the reality of it. I'd be pretty pissed off to see birth being portrayed as a 'natural' delivery in every delivery as that's just not how it happens. But then I find it triggering for other reasons than you do and I find the easiest way to deal with that is by not watching it

ChanklyBore · 10/01/2019 11:53

Every episode of obem is distressing.

It is an awful programme and most of the women are treated appallingly,

I would never accept that standard of care.

icannotremember · 10/01/2019 11:56

I'm aware these things do, very sadly, happen. But should they not put some sort of warnings on there as a heads up

If you already know these things happen, why do you need a warning?

Kethy · 10/01/2019 11:56

Its the nature of the programme. It will have distressing scenes in it - thats what happens in maternity departments. It would be like watching one of those police programmes and just watching the police officers eating doughnuts all day rather than dealing with criminals.

beachysandy81 · 10/01/2019 12:03

I think they would just have to give a blanket warning on each episode if that was the case! Just don't watch it.

Foreverexhausted · 10/01/2019 12:15

I think you might have a rather idealistic view of birth and I say this kindly. When I had my first baby my birth plan was two A4 sides long and planned in minute detail :) I had a play list on my iPad and programmes to watch through labour, candles and blankets to create a relaxed atmosphere and I wanted a water birth and minimal intervention.....I ended up being induced with a short four hour very intense labour, a distressed baby, a room full of doctors and an episiotomy. My next two babies have been born by caesarian due to being transverse and breech and both struggled to breath after delivery with my third going in to neo natal. OBEM isn't being dramatic it's just real life. I couldn't watch it when I was pregnant first time it scared the crap out of me.

Butteredghost · 10/01/2019 12:19

This show is a funny one because 50% of people complain it's too sanitised, the other 50% complain it's too dramatic. Well which is it? I think it's horrible, I can't stand watching the women in pain even although the stories are interesting.

MamaDane · 10/01/2019 12:22

YABU
It's a program about birth, of course it is not all positive.

I swear to God, Brits are ridiculous with their warnings.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 10/01/2019 12:23

I watched a lot of this when pregnant with DD1. It gave me literal nightmares, so I stopped!

BeanTownNancy · 10/01/2019 12:27

I think they would just have to give a blanket warning on each episode if that was the case! Just don't watch it.

Exactly.

"Programme contains scenes some people may find distressing. Trigger warnings for: blood, violence, swearing, screaming, torture, miscarriage, stillbirth, needles, life-threatening danger, sexual content, domestic abuse... reality"

Perhaps viewers should instead read an episode synopsis prior to watching to see whether something might be triggering. Or just not watch. They would either have to have a generic warning on all episodes, or plaster spoilers all over the show, which would really undermine the premise to me - the variety and unpredictability of labour.

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