AIBU for wishing One Born Every Minute would put warnings on distressing episodes

[gimmeadoughnut123]

I watched OBEM a lot before pregnancy anyway, but have asked DH to watch it a few times, as I think he was under an illusion that birth was 'clean' (not a lot of blood, etc). I'm now half way through pregnancy.

I've watched it recently, two people had big bleeds that meant lots of doctors running around tending to Mum, and now I've seen one where baby isn't breathing properly on its own and has been rushed away to neo natal.

I'm aware these things do, very sadly, happen. But should they not put some sort of warnings on there as a heads up?! I don't care about the normal blood/poo/whatever in birth scenes, but I'm never prepared for the emotional stuff.

I keep saying I'm going to stop watching it whilst pregnant but it never happens.

Giving birth is like a leap into the unknown and you can attend as many classes ,watch as many programmes as you want, but everyone's experience of giving birth is different some people seem to sail through ,others will have long drawn out labours to can't predict how your births will be .

I must have got lucky with what I have watched in the past as I've never seen a lot of the really distressing scenes. There's always a sad backstory, but in regards to the actual labour I never see much that worries me.

But that's just a difference in what you find upsetting. I find a woman describing a previous stillbirth more upsetting than a postpartum hemorrhage. You find the reverse. Neither of us are wrong or right, but your 'scenes you may find upsetting' aren't inherently more in need of a warning than mine.

All of a sudden I just seem to see more of the distressing episodes.

I reckon there's a bit of confirmation bias at play (like when you split up with someone all you see around you are happy couples) - the OBEM episodes that play on your particular worries are the ones that are sticking in your mind as your pregnancy progresses. I'm childless and unable to have DCs now so I don't find one episode any more distressing than another really because I know I'll never be in that situation as nothing triggers a specific worry for me.

I avoided watching it for years and years because I felt madly jealous of the ‘easy’ experience everyone else seemed to get in comparison with my DS’s birth. (For context: horrifically traumatic, 4 months in NICU, nearly lost him on multiple occasions, he’s now aged 13 and has complex special needs.) I value the fact that they do sometimes show the trickier births - because unfortunately that’s what happens in life. These days I watch it occasionally because I’m in a much better place emotionally, and the happy stories are just lovely to see. But the onus is entirely on us, as the viewers, whether to watch it or not.

I love your user name OP and now I really need a doughnut....

But that's just a difference in what you find upsetting. I find a woman describing a previous stillbirth more upsetting than a postpartum hemorrhage. You find the reverse.

That is quite a big statement to make. Of course I do not find stillbirth more distressing than haemorrages. At no point have I implied that in what I have said, and if that were true that would be a horrendous way for anyone to feel, so please do not suggest it.

the OBEM episodes that play on your particular worries are the ones that are sticking in your mind as your pregnancy progresses

Hmm yes, entirely possible

Of course I do not find stillbirth more distressing than haemorrages.

Sorry I said this the wrong way round!! I meant clearly I find stillbirth more distressing than haemorrages.

I would consider myself to be one of the 9 out of 10 whose babies were born without issue and with no long term side effects for me

BUT if you watched the end of my birth you may find it distressing to your examples his heartrate went people came in legs went in stirrups out he came there was lots of blood (I borderline needed a transfusion) they cleaned up the blood - they knocked it and the blood went on the floor again. DS was fine and I discharged myself the following day

You cant sanitize something like OBEM - births do go to emergency c section babies do go to SCBU but they are still in the 9 out of 10. The ones that arent do get warnings.

I had a very straightforward birth - and I never watched it.

I don't understand why you'd put yourself through watching that, pregnant or not

Lots of people would rather pretend that difficult and traumatic births don't happen. But they do and those women's experiences are no less valid then the ones who are born without complications. If you find some experiences of childbirth distressing then maybe you shouldn't watch it. Different people are triggered by different things so by that logic every episode should have a trigger warning on it.

If every episode had a trigger warning on it would you still watch it or would you just be aware that there could be something distressing? Because if there was a trigger warning and you watched it anyway then what difference does it make? You're still choosing to watch.

I don't think it's just your partner who is very naive about the realities of giving birth.

I’m actually glad obem is starting to show more realistic situations - there’s too much sugar coating of birth these days as most people haven’t actually witnessed it before they go into it so the actual realities can come as a shock.

Out of our Nct group no one had the sugar coated birth, 3 babies in scubu, 2 c sections under general, 2 with just spinal blocks, placental abuptionns very prem baby, 2 post party heaomrrages over 2litres one mum on hdu.

Before we went in we thought the most difficult thing would be the embarrassment of getting into the birth pool with no bottoms on!

I keep saying I'm going to stop watching it whilst pregnant but it never happens

So you think they should putting warnings on episodes you might find distressing because you're not able to manage your own behaviours?

OBEM doesn't show average births, they are mostly filmed in hospitals that deal with higher risk births, so yes, there are going to be scenes where it's pretty full on. Thing is, even births which on paper seem straight forward can lead to trauma for the woman , birth is a big deal. I watched it a lot before my first was born, and despite having had 2 pretty uneventful emcs, no major physical injuries to me or my dc I don't feel I'll ever recover emotionally and feel cut up at the thought of having to watch OBEM again....

From someone’s perspective who had a traumatic birth it is so so inportant that obem does show things going wrong to try and dispelled the whole “you’ve only had a baby attitude”

*Because if there was a trigger warning and you watched it anyway then what difference does it make? You're still choosing to watch.

I don't think it's just your partner who is very naive about the realities of giving birth.*

My favourite part about mumsnet are the shitty replies that are unwarranted.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a trigger warning, and if there was a trigger warning, I wouldn't watch it.

I've clearly said that I understand these things happen in birth, but a heads up when watching would be good, seeing as it doesn't happen in every episode. I don't watch that babies: special delivery programme because I know that they are all high risk cases with complications, and it warns you about this.

Yea. I cant handle baby deaths in movies either. If theres a sad movie with babies on i look up the plot on wiki to see if i should avoid it

From someone’s perspective who had a traumatic birth it is so so inportant that obem does show things going wrong to try and dispelled the whole “you’ve only had a baby attitude”

Sorry if anyone has been this way towards you before. I know people that do this despite knowing other peoples situations, or they start a competition about things, and I don't know why they have to be like that.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a trigger warning, and if there was a trigger warning, I wouldn't watch it.

Well, given that you know they don't put trigger warnings and given that you know you do find it distressing and given that you keep telling yourself that you won't watch it whilst pregnant... why not just not watch it?

Surely they'd end up putting a 'trigger warning' on every episode because surely every episode would potentially trigger someone.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a trigger warning, and if there was a trigger warning, I wouldn't watch it

But what do they warn for?

All episodes because even the most straightforward birth will include scenes of blood, nudity, screaming etc?

Ones where there's 'tension' but everything is fine in the end?

Or just the ones where's there's a sad outcome?

It's a programme about women giving birth. I don't think people are expecting 5 minutes of of a sweaty woman panting before cutting to scenes of her cuddling a newborn.

Yea. I cant handle baby deaths in movies either. If theres a sad movie with babies on i look up the plot on wiki to see if i should avoid it

I do the same thing, you aren't alone. I also check doesthedogdie.com for any possible doggy movie deaths.

And given that it's a programme featuring endless childbirth, any trigger warning on that would be like the "caution: contents hot" warning they put on the side of coffee cups - utterly pointless because most people would be able to work it out for themselves.

But what do they warn for?

Complications which some might find distressing? For things like the baby who couldn't breathe
I don't think anyone watches programmes about labour and doesn't expect to see blood, nudity, poo, screaming, etc.

But you said yourself that your DH is under the illusion that birth is 'clean' so is likely to be shocked about the blood/poo etc.

I think the title itself is a trigger warning. At least I would associate a lot of triggering things with childbirth.

*Well, given that you know theydon'tput trigger warnings and given that you know youdofind it distressing and given that you keep telling yourself that you won't watch it whilst pregnant... why not just not watch it?

Surely they'd end up putting a 'trigger warning' on every episode because surely every episode would potentially triggersomeone.*

Yeah this is what I was getting at. You know it's potentially going to be distressing because they're showing real life scenarios. It sounds like you just want to watch the nice water births where nothing goes wrong and everybody is happy and smiley. Sorry but birth isn't like that for the vast majority of people.

You are naive. It's hardly shitty to point that out. I was naive before I had mine as well.