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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how you split your bills.

99 replies

TimeForANameChange19 · 09/01/2019 21:22

Ie if you have a family and both work full time but have different earnings.

Do you both pay the same or do you go on a percentage of take home pay?

OP posts:
FevertreeLight · 09/01/2019 23:20

It seems a very mumsnet thing to have separate accounts. I don't know anyone married/living together with children who don't just have joint accounts.

Goldenbear · 09/01/2019 23:24

DH pays all bills. I use my part time money to pay for food and children's clothes, some activities. We do have a joint account but we don't use it. He earns alot more than me so it's about equal what we have left over to spend on ourselves each month.

Goldenbear · 09/01/2019 23:26

He does buy quite a bit of food. He's not bothered though really. Tbh I probably have more left at the end of the month.

jinglewithbellson · 09/01/2019 23:32

Separate accounts that our own salaries go into
A joint account for all household bills car bills fuel insurances utilities food shop prescriptions which we both pay an equal amount into each month.

We have another account that we equally pay into which covers anything extra for dc like clothes shoes school trips or if we go out for a day for ice cream coffee etc etc.

We were on a fairly equal salary however dh has just gone up significantly however he has just financed redecoration and furniture of two rooms,a new large kitchen appliance we needed and will pay for family holiday and il save the spending money.

We both also have a joint savings account we pay equally into and we both have individual savings.

I like some financial independence

Before I met dh I had a good salary and my own place and a dc so have always maintained to a degree some independence.

It's important to me and dh.

It works really well for us.
If I want to spend £400 on Botox or £100 on make up etc I do it like wise if he wants to spend a lot on gaming or his car it's his choice.

I don't see any issues with it and I see so many posts on here from women who are stuck with no finance behind them and are desperate to leave but can't.
Often because of financial abuse. Nobody male or female should ever have to be in that situation.
It must be horrendous

Don't get me wrong I got married with the intention of forever however so did everyone else

Graphista · 09/01/2019 23:54

Fortheloveofjames - especially as you aren't married you need to consider, even ask, what your bank is likely to do if they're told one of you is no longer compos mentis or dies. Lots of banks in these situations freeze the account.

Then there's if you split - and before you say "he'd never do that" that's what I thought too - ex emptied bank account leaving me (and 2 yr old dd) penniless!

"We are a family so all money is family money, neither takes the piss and big spends are agreed." Most are replying like this poster, basing it on when things are going well. It's when things go wrong you can encounter problems. As I said, not just relationship breakdown (and given the rates of divorce/separation I think it naive at best not to consider that a possibility and behave accordingly). But also critical illness - especially conditions that can lead to unguarded spending - and bereavement (especially of you're not married).

"Sharing a bank account dates back to when wives were just chattel and to be "kept" by the man. We're in the 21st century now and every woman deserves her own money under her own control. And, increasingly with the quality of men out there, we need it incase we have to make a quick exit!" Totally agree with this.

I'm especially concerned for those of you who are sahm or pt in order to cover childcare. Do you even know what financial position you would be in if you were to split? Bear in mind it can take years for divorce financial settlements to be sorted AND a lot of men don't pay maintenance until pursued by cms (and even then it's not guaranteed and the rates are woefully low).

If he dies are you sure you get the house? Any other inheritance? I've a relative who was unmarried but effectively widowed with 2 very young children. Lost everything including home as she wasn't next of kin legally. "In laws" who she thought she got on OK with took the lot! The children were so distressed at the sudden loss of the father she had to give up work, at least until they were feeling more secure she was unlikely to disappear too (and that took a few years & therapy).

If he becomes critically ill and his decision making questionable/he's then a vulnerable adult are you still going to be able to access accounts that could arguably be "his money" when anyone else only has your word that "this is what he'd want me to do"?

Having your own account "just in case" is honestly advisable. I wish someone had said this to me. I had a frantic few weeks of no money, parents having to transfer money to an acquaintances account to give me until I had my own open and working, plus several weeks waiting for wage/benefits to go in and I was VERY lucky to get a job quickly I doubt that is possible in the current market - this was 16 years ago.

DustyMaiden · 10/01/2019 00:00

41 years together. All money into joint account. Neither of us spend a lot, everything shared.

biscuittime · 10/01/2019 00:04

Together for 21 years, living together for 18, married for 15. 3 kids

Both earn aprox £35k, one of us is self employed so income fluctuates.
Separate bank accounts and we both pay different bills. Our money is in separate accounts but is completely joint. If I have no money for something be it a bill, going out a purchase we just transfer money between us. Going out , Xmas, holidays etc are done in the same way we both contribute and no set amount.

LellyMcKelly · 10/01/2019 00:10

My ex and I put 2/3 each of our salary into the joint account and that payed for everything. He earned significantly more than me so had more disposable income, so occasionally he would put extra in the joint account to cover holidays or for one off surprise costs like a new boiler. I don’t miss him for anything other than the bank account. It felt like a fair way of managing our finances, yet at the same time gave us quite a lot of spare cash of our own for, for example, hobbies or weekends away with friends, and we didn’t have to justify the cost to anyone but ourselves.

Cornishclio · 10/01/2019 00:24

We have had joint account ever since we moved in together then bought a house, got married and had kids. DH worked full time and I worked full time initially and part time and not at all for a few years when our kids were small then full time again. Salaries and bills go through joint account. Same spending money into personal accounts.

MsMamaNature · 10/01/2019 00:35

Exactly the same as biscuittime - separate accounts, pay different bills, eg I pay the electric bill, he will pay the phone bill. Over the course of a year it all balances out. Together 20 years. We have never had a disagreement about money.

Redyoyo · 10/01/2019 00:35

I've shared a bank account with DH since we bought our house 15 years ago we've been married for 10 everything goes in the one pot. I make almost double dhs wage but my dh works very hard and i do not begrudge sharing the extra, in fact he probably works harder than me my industry just pays more. We both get to go out buy what we want, neither of us are pisstakers.
My parents marriage broke down due to my df thinking it was ok to only pay half his salary into the family pot and for him to party and live it up with the other half whilst we were in the house with only beans and toast and i swore my marriage would not be like this.

Biker47 · 10/01/2019 08:01

Half bills, half mortgage each into joint account, everything else is our own money to spend, I earn more.

Parker231 · 10/01/2019 08:44

I don’t think it matters how bank accounts are arranged so long as both of you have an equal amount of personal money regardless of who earns what.

TimeForANameChange19 · 10/01/2019 21:24

Seems quite split really

We have our own for our salary then a joint acvount for the bills but im going full time soon and i also pay childcare so hoping to split childcare from the joint account. Its just working out if DH should save for the holidays or we include them in our joint funds, but he wants more of his own money and he doesnt save very well

OP posts:
TerriTummyTowels · 10/01/2019 21:34

It's interesting how this thread differs to a longer one from three months ago where separate accounts was by far the majority

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3446881-To-think-separate-accounts-are-odd

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 10/01/2019 21:39

Separate accounts here - we work out bills to make sure we both have a similar disposable income afterwards. Sometimes I earn more, sometime he does and we've both supported/enabled each other's careers in different ways over the years. We prefer separate accounts,, so this suits us and feels fair.

notdaddycool · 10/01/2019 21:43

All our worldly goods do we share.

RoboticSealpup · 10/01/2019 21:46

We don't split anything. Both our earnings go into a joint account and then we just pay everything from there.

isseywithcats · 10/01/2019 21:52

my DP is the much bigger earner so we have seperate bank accounts i pay for the food each month and my own pension fund , he pays all the household bills, and his pension fund (we have named each other for death benefits from these) he is the car and motorbike owner so he pays his transport costs, when we go to gigs or on holiday i pay half of these, normal nights out for meals etc he pays , im happy with this arrangement as it means i have disposable income and he can do what he likes with his own disposable income neither of us goes short

abcdema · 10/01/2019 21:54

OP and I have a baby and live together.
We have a joint account which we both pay 1/3 into for joint bills eg rent and bills. But we have separate accounts that we get paid into and use for personal bills and spending. We don't really think of it as separate money, but we both find it easier to budget and save and take responsibility for our spending if it's kept separate shrug 🤷‍♂️ I do get why people think that's bizarre in a serious relationship, but we just prefer it

codenameduchess · 10/01/2019 22:09

Separate accounts here, bills/mortgage are split 50/50 and I transfer my half to dh each month (because he ended up setting everything up when we bought the house as i had some major family things at the time that took my attention).

We have joint savings we both pay into and I earn slightly more - 15/20%- but we've always gone 50/50. Not obsessively, eg he'll do a big shop but I'll do a small one and pay for DC classes or a meal. Big things come from savings or our own money.

I prefer it this way as our money is our own. I don't want or need to know what he spends on his hobby and he definitely doesn't need to know how much I spend on hair products 😂
We've never argued over money and we both know exactly how much we have each month.

thecatsthecats · 10/01/2019 22:41

We put a significant proportion of our wages into a single account that pays for everything joint.

All bills and food.
When we have kids, all child expenses.
A chunk for shared entertaining.
A chunk for joint saving.

We put the same amount in, leaving plenty for personal discretionary spending and saving.

howmanyusernames · 11/01/2019 00:18

Separate accounts, joint savings account.
Married with one child.
All bills are 50/50.
Our savings we put equal amounts in, and this is the money we ‘discuss’ how we’ll spend it - holiday, nursery fees that month etc.
All other money is ours.
I probably earn slightly more than DH but I have no debts, I worked bloody hard to pay them off. He has about £10k in student/credit card debt.
I’ll pay for more things and not take it back from the joint account like he does - £50 food shop, £100 dinner, petrol for cars etc. I don’t mind that he does that.
But I won’t be responsible for the debt he accrued before we met. He wasn’t great with money, and if I contributed to pay this off I think he’d then spend on it again. I might be wrong, but it’s his debt from drinking and partying so he is responsible for paying it off.
He’s been on parental leave for 10 months and I have paid more towards the bills (approx. £500 a month more), no problem with that.
It’s what works for you!

Purpleartichoke · 11/01/2019 00:31

Someone asked about pt earners and if they have checked on what happens if it all goes bad. I have checked my jurisdictions child support calculator and know exactly what would be paid in different custody scenarios. Even if it was zero, I also can afford our house on just my income now. If we split I would likely convert to full-time and thus could also afford to outsource some of the household tasks DH currently covers. I’ve done my due diligence and even though we share money, we both have access to funds that could be used as FU money if one of us goes off the deep end. I actually think that instead of helping dd pay for a wedding someday, I will put some money into a bank account that will just sit there for her just in case she ever needs it.

OutPinked · 11/01/2019 00:52

DP earns slightly more than me but not by much, we have separate bank accounts. I transfer half of the mortgage into his account each month so we split that. We both have our own car and pay for that ourselves, likewise our mobile phones and the debts I acquired before we met I solely pay for. We pay for food shop equally, him one week and me the next. I pay gas and electric and he pays council tax as they’re almost equal but council tax is higher and he earns a bit more than me. He pays water, I pay for the internet. I buy most Christmas presents, household items and clothes for the DC but he will transfer me money if I need it for bigger items.