AIBU to ask what you learned from TV

[Flyingfish2019]

...apart from the things you never do to avoid dying mentioned here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3474090-What-if-life-was-like-tv-and-films-should-you-never-do

I have learned that:

*All drill sergeants call people maggots, Orks do the same BTW
*Old men, if not a mean supervillain are lovely father figures
*Old women rarely exist on this earth
*Nearly all young women are beautiful
*The most beautiful and popular young woman is always a high school bully
*Mentally ill people sit in one corner of the room rocking themselves and talking to themselves
*Young men are irresponsible and horrible until they meet a father figure (see above), then their whole life is turned around
*There is always WWII in Europe

Oh... and... if a woman hates omebody from the minute they have met on she will end up marrying him.

Hiding behind a car door/sofa/thin piece of wood will save you from a hail of machine gun fire. As will running in an unpredictable manner.

That if you walk onto a street, square or village as a stranger, you will have both a home and a job within minutes. Even if you have absolutely zero experience in that job.
You can also be absolutely skint and be able to afford to eat out and have a few drinks in the pub.
Oh, and you can murder half of the residents and no one will ever suspect that its you.
If your taken to hospital you will have your own private room and an obligatory oxygen tube parked up your nose while you wake up to a room full of visitors who you will immediately have a lucid conversation with, despite being in a coma for the last few days.
Or, you will be taken to hospital following a terrible accident that leaves you paralysed, but once again, after having an oxygen tube parked up your nose, you will be able to spring out of your wheelchair and amaze everyone as you trot down the aisle.
I've learned that a few snorts of oxygen will cure every medical ailment known to man.

ifangyow: Oh yes, and I have learned from TV that it is possible for a quadruleptic to fully recover spontaneously... question for the medical community... are there any conditions under which this is possible at all?

If you bump into people on the street you will end up marrying them. If you do not end up marrying them they will play another important role in your life... it they are your friend from early childhood or your long lost brother you thought dead.

You never bumping somebody and go just on with your life.

I have watched all of Grey's Anatomy 3 times, therefore I am basically a Surgeon and can almost always diagnose any illness before the Medics in Casualty.

If someone has a car accident, you should remove them from the car immediately, even if they have a broken neck, because the car will inevitably blow up in a massive fireball.

Also, if someone has been rescued from the sea, cardiopulmonary resuscitation will always work, just as you’re about to give up. Unless you’re taken to hospital and get the irons, in which case you will die.

If someone has a mysterious illness, it’s probably lupus.

That if you walk into the house and lock the door before switching on the light, there will DEFINITELY be a serial killer lurking in the kitchen/bathroom/behind the sofa etc.

Oh, and also if you hear a mysterious noise in your house, it’s always a serial killer and never just the cat.

you can murder half of the residents and no one will ever suspect that its you

Lol bloody TV

Also, that no one ever just moves away from an area. They're always murdered or killed in a tragic accident or, on the flip side, arrested and thrown into prison.

Sproutsandall ... agree... and if the illness is not Lupus he or she was bitten by a Vampire.

Also, from various PSA’s in the seventies, if you take your eye off your young child for any length of time whatsoever, they will be killed.

Hiding behind a car door/sofa/thin piece of wood will save you from a hail of machine gun fire.

I remember as a teenager being taken to an army shooting range, they pointed out a small brick structure and said that a machine gun bullet would go through a single-brick-layer wall and still kill someone on the other side.

(To be fair, although it wasn't specified at the time, with hindsight I think maybe they were talking about a heavy machine gun rather than an ordinary automatic weapon.)

You can just get on a plane and start a new life in another country such as America with just a small holdall of belongings. No forward planning, visas needed, just up and go.
But guaranteed that a loved one will manage to negotiate the airport security etc to practically join you on the plane steps begging you to come home.

I agree, Ifanfyow, and the loved one will always have discovered she is pregnant two minutes after you decided to start a new life in a new country.

Trouble conceiving? Well, you should just break up and tell dh to start a new life somewhere else. You will be pregnant the minute he buys the tickets.

Most important thing I learned (from American films) is that the English person is always the baddie.

No, not always possumgoddess, it is also possible that the baddy is German with a crazy stare and a fondness of Wagner’s music, who lives in a fortress in the Alps with his minions.

The person who is shifty and behaves very suspiciously is never the guilty one .... the guilty one is someone who you saw for 5 minutes in episode 1

If you are on a random place and suddely start singing everyone including complete strangers will sing along with you.... and possibly be able to follow the dance moves as well

If people start acting weirdly and seeing strange things they probably have Ergot poisoning from the mouldy rye they have been consuming.

As a kid I learned that your foot is as long as the distance between your wrist and elbow joint. (Pretty woman)

That if you decide to leave your job, you don't need to work notice, your boss will be fine (and will probably have you replaced in a week), and your work colleagues will hold a lovely impromptu farewell party in the pub.

Especially if you live in Holby...