AIBU to think that some people spend more time thinking about what they are going to wear, then thinking about whether it's wise to have a child?

[MissLanesAmericanCousin]

I seriously don't get it. And, it infuriates me. Creating and shaping a human being is, imo, is the most important job in the entire world. To me, the decision to get pregnant or get someone pregnant is the most important decision a human being could ever make. Barring non-consensual sex of course, and outright ignorance of birth control, why are some people so mindless when it comes to making this life-changing and life making decision? Am I right to be this upset?

I put a lot of thought into my dc, others may or may not. Not really your business though so not sure why you would be upset about it

It’s actually really offensive to say that unplanned children will be damaged/screwed up. What about parents who plan their children but are terrible parents?

So if you can’t pass a basic numeracy literacy or numeracy test you cant be a good parent? I don’t believe that at all (and can’t really believe I’m engaging with this seriously either).

@ Ullupullu, than not then in your title, bugbear!

Touche! You're right, thanks!

@WaterOffaDucksCrack, I have been raped too and was molested by my brother. I am not judging you. I wish people would read the post.

Maybe, I am expelling things wrong. I do have Aspbergers so sometimes, I screw things up when it comes to communication. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend any of you.

Maybe, I should just ask MN Headquarters to take the post down?

I think prospective parents should have to pass some sort of basic literacy and numeracy exams and have jobs before they can procreate (those who couldn’t pass due to medical issues are exempt).

Not sure if this is parody 🧐

explaining

But how would you know who has and who hasn't been? All the people who raped me bar when I was a child were people I was in long term relationships with. I read your post I just see a flaw in it.

I think prospective parents should have to pass some sort of basic literacy and numeracy exams and have jobs before they can procreate (those who couldn’t pass due to medical issues are exempt).

Why are those with medical issues exempt? Either you think basic numeracy, literacy and means to support are important in child rearing or not?

[I'm not disablist by the way, just curious as to why the PP thinks they are important enough to stop people procreating but also not at the same time]

Some people over plan then fall apart when it takes a different path.

Don't feel sorry for my kids hun, there just fine lol xx

@Tartanwallpaper, that is an interesting theory! This makes sense to me thank you!

I see where you are coming from.
I think far too many people have children without being good parents. Why have a child if you don't put them first? There is no need for it in 2019. In days gone by, yes there was very little choice. However you don't always know someone's circumstances.

Having read your last post OP, and I'm sorry for that, but I think you have more to worry about than other people's decisions to have kids x

Thankyou!

I don't think I really thought about if it was wise to start a family, we didn't have any in-depth discussions about how we would do things etc. The biggest discussion was our genetic counseling.

I don't think there is a correlation between unplanned pregnancies equalling bad parenting.

I don't think people genuinely set out to be bad parents, some try but fail? However there is no right or wrong way to parent its not set in stone and you can only try your best. (except for abusers, violent and feckless parents who genuinely couldn't care less)

@Belindabauer, sorry, I had to restart my computer... Thank you for your response. That is what I meant. Also, I made sure to use the word SOME not many and not all. I thought this would help, but it turns out, it did not.

@70sbaubles, Unfortunately, I do get upset and sometimes even cry, when I think of kids that are unwanted, that's why I have a hard time reading the newspapers and why I have to take long breaks in between reading them. I think this is due to my ASD, though. I remember the first time I saw something on tv about the civil rights movement on television. It was a documentary about the movement. I clearly remember watching these awful policeman hosing these poor people. I sat in fronton the tv and started bawling. I was inconsolable. My point is, I know, I have my own life to worry about, but sometimes, the thought of other peoples pain becomes to much for me and I get affected by it.
I think I need to take a break from the internet. Again, I do apologize for hurting your feelings. I apologize for hurting anyones feelings.

How do I get this post taken down?

Ah, op, don’t worry about getting the thread taken down. I think I get what you mean a bit more now. And it is sad what some people go through in life. I also think it’s a good quality to care so much about it as you describe - not nice for you, but it shows you are a caring person. As I said before though, there are a lot of caring parents on mn and in the world in general - some of these may have got pregnant accidentally - and all of us don’t get it right all the time but a lot of people are doing the best they can. Trying to focus on the good in the world can help your own mental health - but caring about the bad gives motivation to try to do good too.

Apologies for the mawkish post.

Youve not hurt anyones feelings op. Im also asd and used to have really strong reactions to news etc.
I think posting on aibu wasnt going to get a balanced discussion, but its still worthy of a discussion, perhaps ask mnhq to move it? X

Thank you, Sunshine. I reported my own post in the hope that that would work. I especially thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. Sometimes I really hate being the way I am, so different- but I appreciate you taking the time to understand me and I'm grateful as to how you see me.

You are right though, about trying to focus on the good in the world and how most people are just trying to do their best. Thank you for taking the time out to talk to me. I really appreciate it. For you,

Yanbu. There are so many unwanted pregnancies and, worse, unwanted children. The casual attitude some people adopt towards contraception is very worrying and we somehow need to do more to make people take responsibility. I don't know what the answer is unfortunately.

90 children per day going into care in the UK (and we all know this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of neglected/unwanted children). Awful, shocking figures in a country where education is mandatory to the age of 18, and contraception is free, freely available and easy to access.

to you too MLAC

I agree OP. The amount of "accidents" is astounding. I think a lot still do it to keep the man or believe it's not a relation if you don't have a child. Then there's the ones who see it as a way out of working or forcing a proposal.

Many seem to give no thought whatsoever as to how the will finance the child, whether their partner is the best person possible to be their co parent, if the relationship is stable and the effects on any existing children.

TheBigBangRocks - Ugh, just stop with your misogynistic bullshit. “A lot” of women are fully aware that ‘accidents’ won’t keep a man.

Most accidents really are just that - accidents. Contraception failure or some other silly mistake. There are not loads of women hanging around trying to trap men FFS. And men are involved in these accidents too - perhaps they should stop having sex with women who in your opinion clearly want relationships with them if they aren’t interested.