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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fiver parties

125 replies

Ninjafox · 07/01/2019 23:21

I've just been reading about fiver parties and wondered what other people think?

Part if me thinks, yeah I'd stick a fiver in a card rather than the mission to find a reasonably priced gift that I'm not sure birthday child wants. BUT the Brit in me is recoiling in horror at the idea of asking other parents to give my child cash in order to reimburse the big gift I'd bought my child.Thoughts?

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 07/01/2019 23:49

I like the idea in principle as it seems very efficient and sensible.

However, something about the assumption that a gift will be given (and then asking for that gift to be cash) feels uncomfortable. But obviously everyone does bring a gift so I can't quite figure out why it doesn't sit right.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 07/01/2019 23:49

X post

Don’t do that

Biffsboys · 07/01/2019 23:52

Fiver party sounds great - where I am £15-£20 is the going rate for a Birthday party .

SheisMammyof2 · 07/01/2019 23:53

This is common in one of my DC's classes but not the other. It's usually worded as a "please no gift necessary but, if you wish, €5 in a card would be lovely" rather than a demand for money. Personally I think it's a great idea.

Leeds2 · 07/01/2019 23:55

It sounds very tacky to me, and I don't think I would want to participate. I certainly wouldn't hold one for my child! That said, my child is coming up for 21 and things may have progressed since the primary school parties she used to have!
If I were to have such a party, I would let DD spend the contributions as she wished, be that for a big combined from the class present or lots of smaller things, but I wouldn't combine family money gifts with class money gifts to make one present. Just doesn't sit right with me.

Fantasisa · 07/01/2019 23:58

Would love this to take off where we are, but I agree it might price people out when it comes to gift giving. Although I’ve noticed some people spend way more than we do on presents which is generous but they really shouldn’t £5 is more than enough.

Fantasisa · 08/01/2019 00:00

Biffsboys - that’s a lot! My DC would have to attend far fewer parties than they do now. DS went to three during the Christmas holidays alone.

Badstyley · 08/01/2019 00:00

I’m never sure how much to spend on DS’s friends birthdays and it invariably ends up being more than a fiver. £5 sounds like a good, reasonable amount to give, it saves the who’s giving the most expensive gift competition/awkwardness and it’s within the means of most people I’d imagine.

Deadringer · 08/01/2019 00:00

Never heard of this but with dds friends all the parents had an informal, unspoken agreement that we would give money instead of a gift once they got to about age 8. It would be 10 to 20 quid though.

ohtheholidays · 08/01/2019 00:08

It's not something I'd want to do.

I usually ask the parents if there is something specific they're DC would like and if they're not sure then our child that is friends with the birthday boy/girl is always able to find out from they're friend.

Depending on how close the friend is we spend between £15-£25 and luckily we've managed to find gifts that they're friends have really liked so far.

manicinsomniac · 08/01/2019 00:10

I think it sounds like rather a nice idea - though the invite should say 'if you wish to give anything' rather than assume.

This, though
Our school does a pound per year of life in a card so £5 for 5th bday, £6 for 6th bday etc. Works great
I couldn't get on board with. Might work fine for the 5th birthday but what about the 11th? I'm not spending £11 on a child's birthday!
My younger 2 are at a very posh school (because I teach at it!) and I am an expert all year round charity shop/eBay shopper of new items that still look new but cost far less. Never spend more than 5 or 6 pounds on a birthday - if I'm really lucky only £2.

Leonard1 · 08/01/2019 00:11

Easier for parents as no need to take their kids shopping for a present for the birthday party but will kill off independent toy shops. They stock lots of toys at different prices for kids to buy as gifts. Part of the ritual is them selecting a present for their friend within budget!

evaperonspoodle · 08/01/2019 00:15

I'm pearl clutching at the thought of this. I agree that from my POV it's better to get a load of fivers than 30 sets of plastic tat, but my child (especially when very young) would rather have the tat to open. I could never, ever stipulate an amount. It's assuming that a fiver is easy for everyone and whilst I wouldn't feel it there may be others who would. I remember a £1 coin party thread where a poster was asking what she should do as she already had a present (that she was regifting) and only had 80p in her purse to last a few more days.

EdtheBear · 08/01/2019 00:25

I love the idea of it. No child needs and parent lack space for 20 odd gifts (plus GPs, Aunties etc), the number of gifts has put me off whole class parties but hand on heart I couldn't and wouldn't ask for cash.

If I received an invite worded well it wouldn't bother me. Sometimes I'd rather give money than hunt for something that might end up in charity shop asap.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/01/2019 00:34

Is it something to do with rabbits?

lalalalyra · 08/01/2019 00:35

DD's friend's Mum said one day in a throwaway comment "I wish we could just say 'look, we don't need 30 lots of tat, why don't we chuck a couple of quid in and the kid can buy something bigger' and life would be much easier". Ever since that day amongst the 7 girls that is what we all do and I love her for it.

It's become quite common in the school now as lots of the kids have whole class parties as there's a local all that's v.cheap and ideal for bouncy castle/games/magician etc so lots do that. Generally it gets mentioned and then people can either bring a present if they want, put money in the card or stick a couple of quid in a piggy bank (which I laugh because at every party there's still the very British thing of the piggy bank being asked for and the parent being quite mortified at bringing it out). The piggy bank is a brilliant idea as it means those that want to give £20 can, but those that have a £3 budget can also do that. It works really well.

lalalalyra · 08/01/2019 00:36

The piggy bank thing started at a party of an 8yo obsessed with pigs and again a few parents thought 'that would be a good way of solving the hunt for a £5 note that's not mangled'

PinkFizzz · 08/01/2019 00:52

There are times where I've had to show up with a £2 box of sweets or regift something we have in the house.

Being asked for a fiver in cash could potentially put me in a position of having to keep my child away or be embarrassed at being the only person who didn't comply.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 08/01/2019 01:13

Pink fizz - it’s not mandatory! Don’t be ridiculous

Redskyandrainbows67 · 08/01/2019 01:13

And her more organized!

OkPedro · 08/01/2019 01:20

op Where did you hear that these "fiver parties" include the birthday child being presented with their birthday present (from their parents) as if it's from the fiver giver?!
That's ridiculous and if happening is a piss take.
My dc are 10 and 7 and we've always done the €5 in a card.
Birthday child gets around €50 to buy something they really want. It takes the pressure off parents and cuts back on plastic waste. Obviously it isn't mandatory

Bloominglovely · 08/01/2019 01:37

I love party invites that say no present is required but if you'd like to gift something, a fiver in a card would be appreciated.

We have all class parties and the average cost per gift is £15. It is completely out of hand and I have witnessed children leaving parties with black sacks full of plastic toys. Parties cost so much to throw and to attend.

HeartyLaugh · 08/01/2019 01:40

We call it fiver club in our school. You write it on the top of the invitation so the recipient knows without a fuss.

OkPedro · 08/01/2019 02:53

That's another thing I don't understand. Why have an "all class" party? 30 children that's madness

RosemarysBabyDress · 08/01/2019 07:06

to avoid the drama of leaving a few kids out! Some parties invite 5 or 6 kids, but when you rent a hall and some kind of entertainer, bouncy castle or other for example, it costs the same to have 20 or 30 kids. People get really offended if you don't invite their little darling, so sometimes it's just easier to invite the whole class than stick to 20 and leave 5 or 10 out.

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