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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

being a full time working mum: any tips?

65 replies

wedding2009 · 07/01/2019 21:12

I started working full time in Aug last year and to say its taken a bit of time to settle in to a routine is an understatement. It really doesn't help that my husband works offshore and dips in and out of family life (not his fault I know). Does anyone have any tips :)

OP posts:
heymammy · 07/01/2019 23:03

Meal planning definitely works, uses less brain space on a daily basis and means I can call older DC on the way home from work and ask them to get dinner started.

Do lots of small jobs often instead of saving them up for the weekend.

Youmadorwhat · 07/01/2019 23:10

@wedding2009 hi yes I am similar to you (DH Works away for 3 weeks at a time). I have a 6yr old and 3yr old. We get up at 7.10. And leave the house for 8.15 (drop them to school/Montessori) and then I get to work for before 9. My top tips are,
Set out clothes the night before for everyone.
Make packed lunches before you go to bed (if needed)
Invest in a slow cooker and a timer switch! So nice to come home to a cooked dinner that was turned on when you were at work 😁
To be honest with kids your age I would get them to help with jobs around the house if possible.
I Also put the washing machine on a timer so that it is finished for when I get home and I can sort laundry while they play for a few minutes.
Meal plan, use leftovers for your lunch if necessary.
Tidy as you go.

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 23:10

Can I ask how do people NOT meal plan?
I genuinely don't get how you organise your food shop if you don't know what you are cooking, and how you organise around the school diners when you don't give pack lunches?

Donkdonkgoo · 07/01/2019 23:10

Batch cooking is a must and it results in less junk food/take aways en route home when I'm running late.
Mash potato freezes really well and you can microwave it (without a lid otherwise it's a bit sloppy) ... my freezer is stocked with casseroles and homemade pasta sauces/soups. I agree with getting up and ready before kids, make sure kids get school bags ready night before. I do pack up sandwiches in a morn but you could do these the night before. If you can't afford a cleaner try to do a room each evening mon to fri then it leaves weekends more free. If like me you will still arrive to work feeling like you've already worked a shift but at least you might get to drink a hot coffee 😊... I have my breakfast when I get to work so it one less thing to squeeze in at home.

Rafabella · 07/01/2019 23:58

In no particular order -

No clutter - think Marie Kondo
Get a cleaner.
Everything in its place and keep it there. Again, think Marie Kondo.
Use a slow cooker.
Bags packed the night before.

KitchenDancefloor · 08/01/2019 00:27

I know that my 'low standards' quip was a bit tongue in cheek, but seriously just do what's important to you.

I don't mind a cluttered living room, but can't stand a dirty kitchen. So the living room gets blitzed once a week; the kitchen gets cleaned every time I go through it with a cloth in my hand.

I like to have breakfast with the kids, so that gets prioritised over full on hair and make up.

I hate living by a schedule ("on Tuesdays we have peas") so I just do things as I see them, but other people need more structure.

You've have loads of good advice so just pick and choose what is right for you and your family.

But the online grocery shopping is non-negotiable Wink

Good luck and don't

KitchenDancefloor · 08/01/2019 00:29

Posted too soon...

Good luck and don't fall into the guilt trap of full-time working Mums. We are all doing a grand job and can't be perfect (well not all the time).

willstarttomorrow · 08/01/2019 00:40

I am a lone parent (widowed with nearest family 200 miles away). I have had to let things slip a bit but have a 30 mins clean up every day to avoid it all getting left until the weekend. Also clean up ad breaks, even on catch up there are breaks, wash up, hoover, put washing away. Children included in this. Consider a service wash at your laundrette. Massive load dropped off then collected beutifully folded and no need for ironing. I usually pay around £10.

NaiceShoes · 08/01/2019 00:52

.

Olddognewtricks2019 · 08/01/2019 00:54

Can the 15yo earn some cash by relieving you of some household work?

Want2bSupermum · 08/01/2019 01:02

My DC are similar ages to yours OP and I have a third. I forgot to add that you need a back up childcare list. For each day I have 2-3 people who I can call if myself or one of the DC are sick. I also have a couple of outliers (nurses) who have changing schedules. I keep my list on my command center. This morning DD2 couldn't go to daycare and I was an hour late for work. It is great to have it ready and all contacts in your phone. Have back up cover for weekends too just in case you are sick.

I work allowance for my 7 and 5 year old on an opposite basis. They start with 40 coins a day ($10) and a coin is removed for each thing they don't do. I have everything from no potty talk to put shoes on first time you are asked. Each forced burp they lose a coin. My elder two have ASD and this method works very well. My 2 year old is a hot mess. She is an absolute whirlwind every single morning. I have her picked up at 7:15am for school otherwise I'd never get to leave the house! Only way I could make my mornings work.

Expatworkingmum · 08/01/2019 01:03

I agree with buying enough of certain things (socks, uniform etc), that you aren’t rushing to get things washed and dried in the short time you have.

If you have to put your kids in front of the TV while you prepare dinner, do housework etc in the evenings then so be it. It isn’t ideal but if that’s your option then it won’t do them any harm.

Go easy on yourself. Dinner can be quick and easy if needed. Get your supermarket shopping delivered and buy ready chopped/frozen veg to make life a bit easier.

And don’t feel guilty. I know it’s impossible but you are no less entitled to work than your husband. Enjoy the change of pace that life at work brings.

And definitely get a cleaner. Preferably one you trust with a key to your house so you don’t have to be there when she’s there.

Storybarn · 08/01/2019 01:34

Pay the 15 yr old to be the cleaner so they can earn their own pocket money.

Your children are 15, 10 and 7 years of age so old enough to start chores. Draw up a household rota so that everyone has a task. Even if it's sorting their own bags, lunches and dish washing, it's one less job for you to do. The older two children can also do the dog walking.

RosemarysBabyDress · 08/01/2019 07:42

Also, deal with any school message on the day.
read emails/texts/letters/ whatever communication they send every evening, reply, add in your family and private calendar, pay or make note to get cash-coloured tshirt- missing bit of sport kit the following day.

Projects to be brought to school to be done that week/weekend.

So much less stressful than having to run frantically the day before to get something or miss a deadline.

BiddyPop · 08/01/2019 10:29

Lots of stuff has already been mentioned.
I had 4 years when DH was away for 2 weeks (from lunchtime Sunday, until lunchtime Saturday 14 days later), and home the other 2 weeks (and under pressure to go see ILs on the only weekend per month that he was totally at home), and sometimes having longer trips (only 2 hours difference but 11 hours flying away).

At that time, what saved me was an au pair - but only because DD was small and I had a FT job an hour's commute away, so childcare was problematic (there was no pre-school option at the time so I could only drop her at 8.20, but needed to be at work before 9, an hour away). Au pair used to get DD up (if she wasn't before I left) and to school, and collect her from afterschool twice a week. And she did some cleaning. But we kept the afterschool club, and DD still kept up a few afterschool activities (swimming one evening, and a different sports club on Saturdays).

But organization is key. And being aware that there is likely to be a:
Routine for when DH is at home with you, and
A slightly different routine for when DH is away.

(For numerous reasons!).

Have plenty of sets of uniform for everyone and of other clothes, so that you don't have midweek crises of dirty laundry.
In our case, I insist on a clean shirt daily so I have 6 shirts, and we have a spare jumper, but only 1 skirt (it's washed weekly, but expensive and doesn't tend to get too bad).
I also have 3 full sets of PE gear, as DD has training 5 days per week - I'm not forking out for a full 5 as that is expensive! But I try to get Monday's off her on Monday night to add to a load, so it's clean for Friday.

I have a similar approach to DH and my clothes - we should have sufficient clothes to not need items from laundry, on a regular basis at least, during the week.

My other thing about laundry is to wash regularly, but only fold once a week.

So I will do a load most days - I tend to sort it from the hamper either late at night, or as I go down in the morning, and set it up in the machine to be done as we get home from work in the evening (it runs sometime during the day). If the weather will be good for outdoor drying, I may try to have it done for early morning when we are getting up.
It can go on the line outside, the clothes horse indoors (we have a dehumidifier) or the tumble dryer as necessary. But I throw everything that is dry into a clean laundry hamper downstairs during the week - people can rummage through that if they need something urgently.

On a Friday evening, or Saturday afternoon, or even Sunday if time is against us, I sit down to fold everything in the clean hamper - in the sitting room, in front of the tv with DD, so it doesn't feel like such a chore. She will do some, but it's as much about shared time together.

In our house, DH took over all ironing when DD was born (and there's not much of mine) so that tends to wait until he is home. He usually does that on Sunday nights (watching CountryFile with us buzzing around the kitchen doing our jobs, and all together).

Every night when going to bed, I make sure the kitchen is clean, the breakfast things are laid out (glasses, bowls, cutlery, cereal boxes etc), and that lunches/dinner are organized for the following day.
DD used to want hot lunches - so it was leaving the kettle ready to boil with pasta in a pot, and her flask ready to heat and add cooked pasta to. But I make my own salads and have them in a box in the fridge (I usually do 2 days together as that works for me and I get a night off in between), and it used to work well for sandwiches too.

Dinner means knowing what I am doing. And as much prep as possible done for it - chicken already diced and put back in a Tupperware in the fridge; vegetables and potatoes peeled and chopped and left soaking in water or in a Tupperware or marinating in a freezer bag if they are needed; knowing I have enough pasta/rice in the cupboard; getting anything out of the freezer to defrost (and set up in the oven on a timer if that's an option - lasagna, cottage pie, etc - so it is cooked as we get in the door or just after that).

It is much easier, I find, to get in the door and lash into cooking something already prepped, when DD is starving and grumpy and needs to get homework done, than starting everything then.

And later, after dinner, when I am tidying anyway, it's as easy to prep things a little calmer and just add any extra implements to the washing up that I will be doing anyway.

I also keep cheats in the cupboard.

A few meals I can make from just storecupboard ingredients - onion, garlic, tinned tuna, tinned corn, couscous, rice, pasta, tinned tomatoes etc.
Bacon lardons (lidl do handy packs which are great for fast cooking) and has a long life in the fridge, as does Chorizo. And eggs.

And while I prefer to cook from scratch as much as possible, I keep a bag of frozen petits pois peas and a couple of good jars of sauce (some tomato for pasta, and some curry) in the cupboard to do shortcuts on some nights.
And some nights, cheese on toast is enough!
I try and coordinate the weekly diary with dinner planning - some nights are chaos as there are activities in the evenings and we need faster meals, while other nights have no activities and I can either make slower dinners and/or prep ahead for the following night. And I also need to try and see what nights we need big meals, and what nights people only need more snacky meals (as they've had a larger meal earlier, or no sports that day etc).

I try to do larger batches of meals that can be frozen, when I have more time. So I used to do those on Sunday afternoons when I was cooking a roast dinner anyway - spaghetti bolognaise, chilli, lasagna, cottage pie, smoked fish and broccoli pie, various curries etc. Nowadays, it's more likely a midweek night, but I can often find a night within a 2-3 week period when I have time to do a large batch (2-3 dinners worth) of sauce/dinner the night before we eat it, and just reheat the sauce and cook pasta/rice/boil potatoes when we get in - or I might get an odd day to blitz the kitchen on purpose (annual leave, a particularly quiet weekend day etc). Any night I make Mac'n'cheese (as I include bacon and loads of veggies) which is a "cook as I get home from work" dinner, I do a large pot and freeze the leftovers, to reheat as pasta bake.

If you do get time to do a blitz, it can be handy to spend some time even prepping ingredients for the freezer - so chopping chicken into dice and bagging into 1 dinner portions, chopping veggies into dice (and marinating if you want) so they are ready to pour onto a baking tray in the morning for a 20 minute roasting for dinner, doing the slow fry of diced onions and garlic to have the base of a curry/tomato sauce, or even making a tomato sauce and freezing that in portions (great for teens to make their own snacks!).

Snack foods are also important I find - DD comes in starving, and hence, vile, until she has something solid to eat. So it used to be things like raisins and fruit, now its more breadsticks, cheese, pesto/hummus for dipping, sometimes I will have veggie sticks cut in a tub in the fridge, cherry tomatoes are good, ...and varying those so she doesn't get bored of any one. And she's making her own smoothies, so fresh fruit is good (but frozen fruit more practical - I try and have a bag of frozen always) and apple juice.

I have a list on the fridge door - I try to mark it as things are getting low, but there is a rule that if anyone finishes anything, they MUST write it up (or I won't know we need more). I tend to try and have extras bought ahead of time anyway, but not always. But I won't know if DH needs shaving cream, or DD needs deodorant, unless they tell me (by writing it up).
Online shopping, if you can, does help, once you have it set up initially, it's often fine to do on a commute (if not driving) or while you eat lunch at work.

Online banking is also really useful, especially if you can set up bills to be paid on specific dates - do it the day they arrive but set them up for their due date or pay date or whatever date suits you.

YYYY to keeping a family diary and writing everything in as soon as you get it.

I keep envelopes in a drawer in the kitchen for notes to school or posting letters/paying bills etc, and a few stamps on the fridge door.
Emergency numbers are all on the notice board in the kitchen, along with a copy of DD's timetable, takeaway menus, etc. (We try to keep takeaways to a max of one per week - but there are weeks that we need the flexibility and we just try to not have them some other weeks to make up for that).

On cleaning and organizing.
Yes we do have a cleaner coming once a fortnight for a full clean, and that makes it much easier to keep it mostly under control in between that.

I keep a bottle of bathroom cleaner and bleach and a stack of cloths in the bathroom upstairs - so I can very quickly clean that bathroom in a few minutes regularly (we keep 1 colour cloths only for bathrooms, and any other colours can do kitchen/dusting/whatever else). Dirty cloth goes straight in the hamper once I am done to get washed. And I just bring up a few more from the kitchen cupboard (where all cloths go after washing) whenever I run out upstairs.

Sweep kitchen floor as needed, some nights its every night, other nights I can ignore it (autumn leaves and mud, summer cut grass on boots, etc tend to mean more sweeping). If I need to spot clean the kitchen floor, I have some wipes under the sink - rather than getting out the mop to do the whole floor. But if it needs a full mopping, I tend to do that in the evening after DD has gone to bed.

Bags for work and school are packed up at the end of the evening, ready for tomorrow morning. Including any sports gear needed, projects, notes to school/permissions slips/money etc.

Clothes for tomorrow are also laid out before bed - DD set her own system up this year (primary was non-uniform, new secondary is full uniform) where she hangs up 5 shirts on Sundays, with 5 pairs of socks and 5 sets of underwear, all ready for the week ahead. I only do mine for the following day - but I do have jewellery/accessories out and shoes picked out as part of that.

I try to leave downstairs clean and tidy as I go to bed. Put tables back in place, cushions back on seats, toys back in boxes, bins emptied if necessary.....decluttered and neat rather than cleaning.

And always have something in my hand when going up or downstairs anyway - to put it back in its right place if I can.

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