Feel numb towards baby

[JennaJohnson]

What's happening to me? This morning, i adored my baby. He's 11 weeks old. He's beautiful. I love him so much. This evening though I just suddenly feel, weird. I look at him and feel a numbness. His crying suddenly doesn't bother me. It's like my motherly instincts have disappeared and I feel quite scared and confused.

Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how do I fix it?

I feel horrible and just want to disappear in to a hole for a day and wake up feeling like I did yesterday - normal.

If you've got mastitis yes it can make you s bit flu'ey and 'disconnected'. I would say you def need a health professional, can you ring 111 and see if you can get an appointment for out of hours. I know it's not ideal but baby could be in the sling? I've always needed antibiotics to shift mastitis, although all the advice about clearing it 'naturally' helps too.

Agree the 12 week mark is a killer & peak exhaustion time, adrenaline wearing off, everythings not so new anymore hormones settling down, the list goes on!! HV usually try and visit around this time to check on mum for this very reason as its well documented that 12 weeks post birth is peak PND time. So yes, keep that on your radar but having those feelings for one afternoon? - I wouldnt be concenred just yet.

Dont be too hard on yourself, as others have said its probably exhaustion, especially being on your own and taking the mental load of a small baby 24/7. Ring your HV & if she is concerned she will get in touch with your GP to see you, thats what mine did. With abit more support & some consolidated sleep with the help of my mum visiting and my husband after a week or so I felt much better and mych more connnected. I also agree with the possibility of PMT too even if this isnt something you had before.

You will be absolutely fine and its normal not to feel overjoyed with your baby every second of the day, like anything it depends on so many factors like sleep, nutrition, hormones, support that tiny changes to these can lead to big shifts in mood. Dont worry yourself, sending big hugs, this part is so very hard but you are doing brilliantly xx

I hope you are ok OP. Do express and then try to get some sleep. See how you feel in the morning - try the gp or there should be a health visitor service at a local children's and baby centre. If you're not feeling better and can't find any of these please call 111 or even turn up at an out of hours gp or A&E if the mastitis symptoms don't pass.

I really hate mumsnet sometimes, shame on the poster who had a solid of nastiness about them.

Please be aware this is something that affects many people, just make sure you get some help ASAP if it doesn't pass after some sleep xxxx

Don't rely upon the online system - talk to a real person - they are likely to do all they can to get you seen asap because they know you need to be seen quickly, rather than 'at some point in the next fortnight'.

Contact the health visitor too - they can check on you first and, if necessary, persuade the GP to fit you in.

Have a bath and see whether you can get more expressed than usual - once people get very engorged, it can interfere with the letdown/release, even without any infection. Stick the baby in a car seat/moses basket or buggy/pram to keep an eye on him whilst you're in the bath. Afterwards, try cooling things instead (like the traditional remedy of chilled Savoy Cabbage leaves) and see if that helps.

It is true you might be suffering from PMT as your body starts back into the 'normal' cycles - the difference between your hormones a week ago to when you're due on could be massive. And depending upon the frequency of BF, there is no guarantee your periods won't come back in that time. Or you could be anaemic from the birth and not really eating properly/healthily over recent weeks.

Get plenty of water, fresh food and as much rest as you can - but make those calls. You need human input (and the odds are that those other Mums weren't at the groups or chatting because they felt very much like you do).

All normal. All unpleasant. And all needing you to not berate yourself and to tell people clearly you need help now, not in a fortnight.

Poor you, OP, if you’ve got mastitis. That could well be the reason you’re feeling so shit. I woke up flat on my back with two concrete footballs on my chest, thinking the ceiling had fallen in on me the time I got it. Definitely get that checked ASAP and keep feeding/expressing as much as poss. That and antibiotics (if prescribed) will work wonders.

Stating the obvious, but stay hydrated and eat lots of nice nutritious food. It’s easy to forget simple stuff like that when you’re knackered.

It's really quite normal to feel like this, reach out to your go or health visitor.
And ignore stupid little comments from dickheads on the internet.
Why that poster thought typing that was productive is anyone's guess.
You have given birth, your world is upside down, focus on you and your baby, speak to someone and there is help x

There are lots of free or low cost baby groups, it's worth trying again to find something for this week to get you the company you feel you need. It depends exactly where you are, but you can look for NCT coffee mornings here: www.nct.org.uk/local-activities-meets-ups/bumps-babies.
La Leche League here: www.laleche.org.uk/find-lll-support-group/ (they'll be useful for mastitis support too).
Check children's centres in your area for stay and play sessions tomorrow.
Local churches often have coffee mornings.
Download the Hoop app on your phone and sign up for free taster classes; you aren't obliged to go again afterwards.

It's exhausting sometimes being with a baby and being unwell can make it so much worse. Call your health visitor and hopefully they will come to see you quickly to help and just say to your GP that it's an urgent appointment. It'll all feel better in a while, please ask for help wherever you can, there are lots of people ready to help you. Hope you get a good night's sleep.

Definitely does sound like PND. I was like that, it would come over me at about 5pm. Very unpleasant and weird. I was always glad when my husband arrived home.

The only thing I can say is that it does pass. Hang on to that.

@Thewifipasswordis don't be a cunt. It's not hard.
@JennaJohnson just to echo pp it's pnd most likely. Treatment is there and I promise it will get better xx

I'm just wondering from what you say about husband away with work and mum not nearby and it sounds like you're not living in your "home town" (I could be wrong) but is husband military?

If so this kind of thing is exactly what welfare officers are for. They can help with practical and emotional support even possibly financial too.

Is this the case?

Impossible for us to diagnose online as pps have said there are several possibilities.

Re not having had pms before pregnancy and childbirth can "reset" how you were before. For someone like me (endo & serious pmt and hormonal migraine sufferer) that was an albeit short lived relief - but I have friends and family who before children didn't really have problems on that score and then post childbirth experienced some difficulties.

Like anything hormonal there can be "hit back" effect where a period of very high/low levels of one hormone the body tries to "correct" and goes to far, usually eventually it balances out.

Lack of sleep, dehydration, lack of nutrition can also have an effect on hormones.

I'm also a fan of (safe) co-sleeping and did so with dd in the early months it was the best way for us all to get the most and best quality sleep.

I do hope you get the help and support you need - don't delay asking, whatever the reason the sooner it's addressed the quicker it's fixed.

If you didn't love your baby, you wouldn't be worried about whether you loved him, if that makes sense.

You're tired, and maybe a bit off colour if you have mastitis. Get some medical support and try and rest - I know it's a tall order with a baby to look after.

Hope you feel better soon xxx

I’ve just read this OP. This was me four and a bit years ago for a spell. Sleep as much as you can and self care. It’s hard but you can do it

From your update it sounds very like mastitis & that could definitely be affecting mood too. You poor thing.
Feed as much as possible from the affected side. That might be enough to clear the blockage. You’ll know if it does.
If you start feeling fluey, temps, generally unwell, GP ASAP for antibiotics.

It’s really not nice but so common & will pass, I promise.

Hope you feel better soon. 💐

@JennaJohnson I’m in London where they’re also in crisis but if I call and say I’m in crisis they try to give me an emergency appointment. Maybe worth a try?

The NCT sessions I’m talking about are free (or a £1 donation) not a course. I’ll have a look at the West Midlands and post a link if I can find something

Don't panic, whatever anyone says, we've all had moments and periods feeling like this.
Don't jump to the conclusion it's definitely PND, it could just be sleep deprivation which does strange things to us - there's a reason that it's used as a form of torture.

Get and emergency appointment with your GP for the mastitis and talk about how you're feeling. Also talk to your HV.

I hope you feel better soon.

Here's the link to the West Midlands NCT site. If you click into the branch nearest you, you should see another link that will be called something like Bumps, Babies & Beyond. They're weekly meet ups where you just make a contribution for the coffee. They're really good round by me.....hopefully they'll be good near you too.

Morning OP, how are you feeling?

Might be worth talking to your HV anyway to see if you knows of any baby groups in your area so you can meet other mums.

Morning op. How are you feeling now? I hope you got some sleep.

Ooh, ouch. Mastitis could definitely make you feel this way OP. Can you try and get into your GP as an emergency?

Haven't got time to read all responses but as soneone who has had repeated mastitis the following can stop a case in its tracks workout needing anti biotics if you get in it soon enough:
Ibuprofen as often as recommended on the pack
Cold compresses to reduce swelling
Reverse pressure softening to reduce oedema from around the milk ducts (Google for how to do it)
Feed feed feed- often. Different positions. Try dangle feeding.
Massage over the lump towards the nipple with your knuckles (but only after reverse pressure softening and use cold compress after)

If you start feeling really unwell get to gp ASAP but hooefully the breast care above will fix the issue xxx

Just got my period which explains a lot... how disappointing!! Feeling much better though...

PND. I had it with DC1 and sadly felt this from the beginning until he was six weeks old when I finally got some help. I didn’t believe he was mine and thought someone was going to come take him away. He had colic so never seemed to stop crying and I felt so useless. I remember leaving him in his Moses basket crying and I got into a deep bath wanting to drown. I thought I’d made a huge mistake and wanted him to be adopted. It was a dark, dark time. As soon as I got help, it seemingly vanished and the initial rush of love I missed out on thankfully happened.

PND is horrid. Get some help .

Not disappointing to find out it's your natural hormones being a bit of a git to you, is it? (Yes, I know it's good not to have to deal with the entire period business, I'm being a little facetious).

Now you know, perhaps you won't be so worried/upset in another 3 weeks if you start feeling bad again - and if it happens in between, well, you've still got your GP appointment to go to and you'll know whether it's all PMT or there's an element of baby blues in it.

I am really glad you're feeling better, though even if feeling better means not unhappy but your insides are trying to crawl out and strangle you.

It does mean that you are very likely to be fertile again, though - so contraception is essential if you want to stay with one baby and haven't decided you're never, ever letting your OH near you again.