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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel numb towards baby

73 replies

JennaJohnson · 07/01/2019 21:09

What's happening to me? This morning, i adored my baby. He's 11 weeks old. He's beautiful. I love him so much. This evening though I just suddenly feel, weird. I look at him and feel a numbness. His crying suddenly doesn't bother me. It's like my motherly instincts have disappeared and I feel quite scared and confused.

Has anyone else experienced this? And if so, how do I fix it?

I feel horrible and just want to disappear in to a hole for a day and wake up feeling like I did yesterday - normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
JennaJohnson · 07/01/2019 21:40

@homegrownmumma I was the only one at the group, full stop...

OP posts:
peachgreen · 07/01/2019 21:42

Also don't assume that his crying not impacting you in the same way is necessarily a bad thing. Around the 12 week stage I had learnt the difference between my daughter's various cries. Tired, hungry, bored, uncomfortable - those didn't bother me any more - I just stayed calm and did what I needed to do to help her. I only get upset at her pain cry or her scared cry - both of which I've heard very rarely but when I do it's physically painful. But her other cries don't bother me because they're just her way of telling me something.

homegrownmumma · 07/01/2019 21:45

@JennaJohnson oh I see , I've been to one once where there was only 2 of us there , unfortunately the other mummy wasn't very chatty which made be pretty sad !
Try a new one or continue to go next week , as the other lady said people are probably getting back into routine after Christmas .

It's really great to talk to people that are in the same situation as you and even better to have an excuse to get out the house

ILiveForNachos · 07/01/2019 21:45

Hey lovely, as others have said it could be exhaustion but for me, it was a sign of post natal depression.

@TheWifiPasswordIs - there is no need to be that rude when someone might be in mental health distress.

Momo18 · 07/01/2019 21:48

It could be PND but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion after the odd occasion. Exhaustion and even having a difficult baby can make you feel numb. Nobody gets joy from their baby and feels lovey dovey all the time. I have three DC and felt different feelings of joy at different ages and depending on stress, sleep deprivation, behavioural issues, teething etc. The love was always there, I just didn't always feel joyful to be a parent. Some moments/ days was just crap tbh. If you know you love your child then nothing else matters tbh. I mean nobody looks at their teenager gushing with love 24/7 do they! Keep and open mind and do open up to your GP and health visitor, but feeling numb can be normal. Spiralling into severe anxiety over your feelings (I've done that before) can be a big sign to get help but feeling off is part of being human.

AliceScarlett · 07/01/2019 21:50

Awful everyone diagnosising a serious disease from a transient feeling! This is normal, it will pass, the more you get involved in it the more you'll encourage it.
Make the appointment for 2 weeks and see how you go. Keep distracted and talk to people. Good luck x

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/01/2019 21:59

Most posters are saying to go and see the GP.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 07/01/2019 22:00

Don’t worry unduly about feeling like this, it is totally normal and very common. I agree you should be firm about getting seen sooner rather than later, but I’d also say you’ve got to be patient and expect there to be lots of times when you feel like this. It happens to many, many new mums.

I had the easiest first baby in the world, no problems, he was placid, sweet, contented and I loved him to bits.... I also remember thinking (like you, my DH was working away and I had no family nearby) shit, what did I want a baby for, I’m a crap mum and given the chance, I wouldn’t do it again. Needless to say, I hated myself for thinking it, and the moment quickly passed.

Spanglyprincess1 · 07/01/2019 22:04

Hey please go talk to someone. Can baby's dad have them and you get a solid block of sleep? At eight weeks I'll had almost hallucinations that baby was evil. It was pnd and it did pass , esp with sleep. You do love them and you will be okay.
I found going out everyday at least once even jsut for a walk helped me as well as it cleared my head and cabin fever

MadeForThis · 07/01/2019 22:07

Lack of sleep is torture. Speak to your mum. Get something to eat. And sleep as much as you can for the next couple of days. Don't worry about leaving the house unless you have to. Forget housework. Relax and sleep.

When does your dp get back. Talk to him and let him know how you feel. FaceTime. A sympathetic loving face can help.

Soconfusedbylife · 07/01/2019 22:10

It’s a bit quick to diagnose PND after 1 afternoon. Could just be exhaustion. Be kind to yourself, have a rest when you can, call on available help. Call your HV who will do some support visits and signpost you to talking therapies if needed

Mitsuki · 07/01/2019 22:21

Here we go again..

Was there any need for that little bit of nastiness?

See your doctor OP, they can give you the support. Flowers

Original poster
JennaJohnson · 07/01/2019 22:22

@Mitsuki it was nasty wasn't it?

I thought I was missing something.

OP posts:
whatsnewchoochoo · 07/01/2019 22:39

Is there any chance it's hormonal? Have your periods returned yet?

I breastfed but my period came at 12 weeks and I felt AWFUL emotionally just before it did.

Hold on love and take care of yourself. This feeling will pass, I promise

Also baby groups can be really hard sometimes, especially when baby is so young. I found it much easier to sign up a class (like baby massage or something like that)

Take care Thanks

MaybeMaybeNotJ · 07/01/2019 22:48

This was me.
I wasn’t eating enough and was getting low blood sugar. Eat and drink more and I hope it will help. Hope you feel better soon xxx

Original poster
JennaJohnson · 07/01/2019 22:55

I've just booked a docs appointment for 2 weeks time and will keep an eye out on the online booking system for cancellations. I feel really horrible. It's giving me a lump in my throat. Thanks everyone for the advice and support

OP posts:
oh4forkssake · 07/01/2019 22:59

Jenna call your GP tomorrow and tell them how you feel. They should see you before two weeks.

Have you tried your local NCT? There are coffee mornings for new mums and those still pregnant. Whereabouts in the country are you?

mouthkisses · 07/01/2019 23:01

Is it possibly horrendous PMT? I can get very sudden dips in mood around birth and when my periods come back. Did you suffer from hormonal low moods before you conceived or after birth?

If you suddenly feel catastrophically bad then please do speak to someone. Xx

Original poster
JennaJohnson · 07/01/2019 23:01

@oh4forkssake I'm in the West Midlands. Doctors surgeries are in crisis where I am. I will try and get an appointment though.

I'd love to go to NCT but I can't afford it.

OP posts:
Original poster
JennaJohnson · 07/01/2019 23:02

@mouthkisses possibly. I've never had PMT before though. Just at a bit of a loss :(

OP posts:
mouthkisses · 07/01/2019 23:02

Sorry @whatsnewchoochoo I just read up thread. Exactly this. X

Almostthere15 · 07/01/2019 23:06

Jenna you don't usually need to be a member of nct to go to their meet ups etc. May be worth checking in face book if you have anything local.

Lots of people had inset day today so if they have older children that will explain why baby group was so quiet.

I do think you need to see a health professional, could you call the go tomorrow and explain but also your health visitor.

Perhaps you could ask your mum to come and stay for a couple of days. You might just need looking after.

Keep talking, people will listen Flowers

Original poster
JennaJohnson · 07/01/2019 23:09

I've just realised my left boob is really swollen and sore to touch. I think I might have mastitis.

Could this make me feel this was?

It's solid as a rock and has a massive red patch almost like a bruise on it. I don't know how I didn't notice. I just thought I needed to express.

OP posts:
BeekyChitch · 07/01/2019 23:10

I wouldn't go see the GP of it just happened in the space of a few hours.If it's a recurring feeling then definitely,yes go see your GP and have a chat. Look after yourself, get yourself out with the pram as often as possible and try socialise as much with other new mums. Knowing you're not the only one who feels like that or struggles can be a huge help.Thanks

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 07/01/2019 23:13

I felt like that from when ds was born to when he was around 1 year old.See a GP

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