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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nieces wedding

29 replies

Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 07/01/2019 13:38

Very LC with my Brother since I had PND and he stood me to stop being a drama queen! Anyway. DN getting married ( think it's this week or next ) and I haven't received an invitation ( not a problem as not fussed one way or the other )
SIL texted last night to ask if I am going to the wedding! I've not responded yet.Would you reply?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 07/01/2019 13:38

Told ( not stood!)

OP posts:
MrsG8 · 07/01/2019 13:39

I would politely but briefly reply and say you didn't get an invitation but wish they a lovely day

Whocansay · 07/01/2019 13:40

I'd just tell her that you haven't been invited.

unfortunateevents · 07/01/2019 13:42

Of course I would reply. Are SIL and brother still together? It sounds as if your invite has been lost in the post if they are chasing an RSVP?

Original poster
Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 07/01/2019 13:50

My brother and sister have form for this ( I went LC with both of them years ago) - my 5 year old doesn't remember ever seeing them - have heard weeks / months later that a 'family' event / party etc has happened. TBH I'd rather leave them to it and stay out of family dramas. Just wondering about what / if to reply

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Miane · 07/01/2019 13:51

Just politely reply that you haven’t had an invitation. It may have got lost.

Even if they reply saying you should have had one, you don’t have to go.

Returnofthesmileybar · 07/01/2019 13:53

Simply so "No, I haven't been invited but I hope the rain holds off and you all have a great day, I bet xx will be stunning"

Or something nice but short and sweet

MaMaMaMySharona · 07/01/2019 13:54

Wouldn't it have been your DN that sent the invitation and decided on the guest list, rather than having anything to do with your DB?

Chapterandverse · 07/01/2019 13:56

I assume SIL is your brothers wife?

Surely she will know if you've been invited to the wedding or not?

I think the replies upthread are ample. Say you didn't receive an invite but wish them all the best.

Original poster
Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 07/01/2019 14:18

I replied saying I never received an invite but hope she has a lovely day. Got a text straight back saying DN posted one

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R2G · 07/01/2019 15:39

Well if you really don’t want to go and avoid drama I’d just reply ‘oh my gosh we never received it so I’m so sorry she must have been wondering why I didn’t reply. I’m really sorry we had assumed at this late stage we weren’t invited and are not going to be able to come. I’ve sent a card and gift to her today.’

Travis1 · 07/01/2019 15:41

Why are they only just chasing a response now? Surely RSVP date would have been weeks ago. Sounds like people have dropped out so they don't want the spaces to go to waste. I wouldn't bother.

MumW · 07/01/2019 15:49

You sound like 2nd or 3rd tier guests to me.

If you don't want to go, then given the short notice, you are obviously already committed to something else on that day.

I'd send a card and a small gift with a nice message.

Drum2018 · 07/01/2019 15:56

Bullshit that an invite was posted. No way would I bother to even respond to that excuse. Someone has made them feel guilty about not inviting you in the first place so they are now trying to make out that it's the post mans fault.

Drum2018 · 07/01/2019 15:57

Do not apologise for not responding to an invite you never received. And I wouldn't send a gift either. A card maybe.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 07/01/2019 16:02

Hmm - whether they posted one or not, it seems that the spotlight is now on you to respond... I guess you need to decide whether you want to attend or not and go from there!

Storybarn · 07/01/2019 16:11

Well you can't go to a wedding that you've not received an invitation for.

Would your brother tell his daughter to stop being a drama queen if she has pnd? I doubt it, he's just a nasty piece of work.

Original poster
Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 07/01/2019 16:13

Update - it seems 'no- one from your family is going then' according to SIL. Think the bug bear is that I didn't go to other DN wedding which I DID receive an invite for, BUT we'd booked a holiday to USA for the same week which wed booked 2 years previously and had been saving for so unfortunately we didn't attend. Thinking about it-, it probably is hindsight after getting 'no shows' from 'my side' of the family.

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GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/01/2019 16:19

Don't worry about it. Send a wedding card and wish them well and then forget about it.

Whocansay · 07/01/2019 16:22

I suspect they want a gift.

MumW · 08/01/2019 09:49

When people we know get married and we've not been invited, maybe tiny wedding or we're not quite close enough, I'll send a card with a lottery ticket inside. I always buy 2 with the same numbers and keep one for me, just in case...

Piffle11 · 08/01/2019 09:56

Agree with others that they've had a few guests decline or drop out and so are trying to round up a few more guests. Post doesn't tend to get lost these days - it would be very odd if your invite just happened to be the one that went missing, considering your history! The RSVP date would have been weeks ago: they would have contacted you sooner if they had genuinely sent a card. Wish them the best, send a card and forget all about it.

Pinkyyy · 08/01/2019 10:03

I also don't believe an invite was sent. Maybe they're trying to make up numbers because people have pulled out at shirt notice. In any event you clearly weren't very much wanted if they're only mentioning it to you now, I certainly wouldn't go if I were you

LetsSplashMummy · 08/01/2019 10:06

Don't mention the other wedding, stick to this one, is it straightforward for you if you did want to go (nearby, you have a dress etc)? Do you want to go? What about the evening only?

I'd show some willing, ask SIL for details at least before you make excuses. Otherwise you are saying you don't want to, rather than you can't make it. If you have to travel, at least look at costs, say "last minute, too much but I'd love to catch up with DN after."

What was your relationship with SIL like? Could she want to move on, is it an olive branch? I think it's a shame for your niece to have no family from her dads side because of him, not her.

Original poster
Iamtheoneandonly2018 · 08/01/2019 10:41

Am not going. Am not last minute dot com!
If I hadve received a proper invitation months ago, I might've made the effort.

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