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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to go to my sister's anniversary meal?

54 replies

orangejuicer · 07/01/2019 09:05

I have one brother and two sisters- all married. It's sister S's anniversary on Sunday and she text me yesterday to invite me out for a meal but I've already provisionally arranged with my brother to visit my dad on the same day with my 7wk old baby. Mum is v sadly no longer with us.

I don't think dad is aware of our plans to visit yet, I am going to ring him today. It won't affect his ability to attend the meal which is at 5pm. We would be visiting about 1pm. I can't do both.

WIBU not to go to the meal but to keep my plans with my brother as we arranged it first?

If I go to the meal I would not take the baby.

My brother won't be attending the meal as he and sister no longer speak due to words said between them on numerous occasions during the time mum was having palliative care at home. It was a very stressful time and there is blame on both sides. I'm not sure he's been invited anyway.

My other sister and I are trying to be peacekeepers for my dad's sake but it is difficult at times. He is unaware of the extent of the problem.

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 07/01/2019 09:57

"Sounds lovely, but I'm going to have to pass. I've already arranged to go over to Dad's with Simon on Sunday, and by the time we've done that I'll need to get Maisie home for a bath etc. Hope you have a lovely time, shall we meet for a coffee in the week?"

And then ring the restaurant and arrange for a bottle of Champagne/prosecco to be sent to their table.

arranbubonicplague · 07/01/2019 10:16

You might need to check that your father's available - and do that first before you respond to your sister.

Whether your DF is free or not, it sounds like it's not practical for you to attend the meal tho' your sister probably thought it was a nice invitation.

Alieeeeeens · 07/01/2019 16:20

If your dad can make the meal then surely you can too?

Sounds like you don’t really want to go and are trying to find an excuse to justify not going tbh! I’d be a bit disappointed if you were my sibling but I’m quite close to my brother!

CantWaitToRetire · 07/01/2019 16:30

Use your baby as the main excuse. Say you’ll be cluster feeding and trying to settle the baby after visiting your dad earlier in the day.

Original poster
orangejuicer · 07/01/2019 17:42

Thanks all. I appreciate the advice.

If I meet up with my brother and go to the meal I would be out of the house from 12pm to 7pm - with or without my newborn. Either way it doesn't work, so not an excuse!

OP posts:
elephantinstripeysocks · 07/01/2019 17:45

if you can only do one then i would stick to the first plan you made. thats the only fair way to not choose one over the other.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 07/01/2019 17:53

It really depends what you want to do. I can’t see it being an issue to re arrange with the brother for the following week given it is an anniversary meal (which can’t really be changed) or to tell the sister either that you are already committed to daytime plans with bro and can’t do both or simply that you don’t feel comfortable committing to dinner with a 7 week old; the latter excuse avoids any favoritism arguments. If it were me and I wanted to do both, I wouldn’t have a problem taking a 7 week old to both, being out the house from 12 to 7 with them is totally doable IMO.

calmsealife · 07/01/2019 17:56

That is the lamest excuse to not go to a big anniversary dinner. You will see your dad at the meal! A newborn can sleep in their pram. Just admit you don't want to go!

Iloveacurry · 07/01/2019 17:58

I think you need to stick to your original plans and see your brother and dad.

If your sister wanted to have a get together to her anniversary, which is this coming weekend, she should of arranged it sooner, not the Monday before.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/01/2019 18:03

I think now is the time to bang your sister and brothers heads together and get them to sort it out tbh. Tell your sis you have plans with your bro, tell your bro about the invite, just be honest. Ask them if they can make amends and maybe all go see your dad together that day?

Lwoj · 07/01/2019 18:08

Sorry but why is being out of the house between 12-7pm an issue? Struggling to understand.

EthelHornsby · 07/01/2019 18:31

I can’t see what the problem is either - see your dad at the meal! You seem to be looking for a way to make a huge drama out of a perfectly normal schedule clash.

Amaried · 07/01/2019 18:31

I think you don't want to go really and are using visiting your dad as an excuse. There's no drama with being out all afternoon surely .

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 07/01/2019 18:35

Being out of the house for 7 hours is the definition of an excuse Confused.

TeachesOfPeaches · 07/01/2019 18:36

How odd that your sister if having a family meal for her wedding anniversary. Is it a significant one?

stokieginge · 07/01/2019 18:38

@orangejuicer why can't you say you've already got plans in the evening?

sparklefarts · 07/01/2019 18:38

A newborn can sleep in their pram.

Why do so many people assume that because THEY had a nice easy going new born then obviously every baby is like that.

HmmAngry

ilovemakkapakka · 07/01/2019 18:41

She has a 7 week old baby so 7 hours is quite an ask (& without the baby for the meal) I was probably still in pjs after 7 weeks

sparklefarts · 07/01/2019 18:41

Being out of the house for 7 hours is the definition of an excuse

Yes it can be if you, depending on your new born.

ilovemakkapakka · 07/01/2019 18:43

Also been married 18 years, only ever had dinner with DH on anniversary though at 25 I imagine we might have a party

Lweji · 07/01/2019 18:44

I still don't understand why you simply can't arrange another weekend.

70sbaubles · 07/01/2019 18:47

Anniversaries are for the couple, its exceptionally weird to celebrate other peoples unless its your parents 50 th or something

Cheesycheesytwist · 07/01/2019 18:48

Are anniversary meals a thing?! Unless it's a big one (40+) I've never heard of anyone other than the couple themselves going for dinner. Most of my peers are 10+ years married and I've never heard of this. Just stick to the original plans you'd made but be honest

carlecomedian · 07/01/2019 18:54

@NancyJoan you are one classy lady! Wish I was as sophisticated as that!

Rach000 · 07/01/2019 19:04

A meal for someone else anniversary sounds pointless. I wouldn't have wanted to go to a meal when my babies were 7 weeks old would have been too much hassle.