I've had a falling out with a friend, and whilst I'm not particularly bothered as I think the friendship has probably reached the end of the road it could make things awkward for the friendship group and I'm wondering if I should let things lie or do something about it.
I have been friends with the same friendship group for a long time now- there are 5 of us. We don't all live in the same area anymore, but do meet up as a group every few months. Those of us who live closer meet up a bit more often and we call/chat via text/whatsapp etc.
One friend has, in the last 2 years, become vegan after her partner became vegan a few months before that. I don't have any issue with that- what they eat/don't eat is not really anyone else business. BUT the endless boring on about it (in person when we meet up, in response to various topics of conversation if you call her/text her and on). She is actually getting quite sanctimonious and a little too evangelical for my liking- as I said I don't think my dietary/lifestyle choices are any of her business, just as hers aren't my concern.
What really grates on me though is that she is often factually incorrect about things which she quotes as gospel, fails to see there can be ecological and welfare downsides to veganism. Oh, and she does use leather and various other products when it suits. She drives a diesel car, even though she doesn't live rurally but in a place with pretty good transport links. I do understand that, with 2 young children, a car is pretty useful and again, not really my concern but she does busy herself in everyone else's choices.
TBH, she's always been a little alternative and held some rather unusual beliefs but was generally "a good egg" as my grandfather would have put it. but since she met her partner it has been getting steadily more "out there". She often spouts about karma and "ying and yang" etc and can be somewhat insensitive when unpleasant or upsetting things happen to people. She won't vaccinate the children as her partner and her family are all very against it and go on about it being some sort of conspiracy. I don't agree with not vaccinating your children and her reasons aren't even based on any sort of reasonable basis but I recognise that it is up to them what they do. If asked I would say why I thought she was being foolish and when they talk about "the conspiracy" I do disagree with them. Friend does continue to go on and on about anyone who does choose to have their child vaccinated "being duped by the big lie" but gets very upset if anyone questions their choices. This has caused some friction recently, despite my suggestion that we can agree to disagree and leave it at that.
I've hidden her facebook posts as they are so irritating- all about veganism being "the only ethical way to live" and some frankly inaccurate things in this sort of vein. They tried to make their dog vegan, but it became ill and the vet told them they were harming the dog. Prior to this, her partner tried to convince me the dog was "pleased" about becoming vegan. She was actually a little put out when I was more than a little incredulous and pointed out that I don't think her dog had any understanding of the concepts of animal cruelty, veganism or global warming etc. Again, I don't particularly care if they believe in things that are barmy- but I do wish they would stop shoving it down my (and everyone else) throat and respect that other people are entitled to an opinion which may differ from their own.
Anyway, since she became vegan it has become somewhat more difficult to find places she will eat (despite lots of places having vegan options) because of her "ethical concerns". We usually compromise when we all get together though. Recently, a restaurant opened up in a town near to me and another friend in the group but also not far from vegan friend. During a conversation I had mentioned I wanted to try this place, friend agreed we should. Vegan friend commented it would be "awful" due to the smell of meat (think steak restaurant or similar). So we arranged to go and did not invite vegan friend- mainly because she had already said she wouldn't go. I have to admit, inviting her has become a bit of a chore TBH but in this instance it was because she had said she wouldn't want to go when it was mentioned. Didn't think anymore of it TBH and had a nice meal with my friend.
Until today. We had met up again. My uncle has recently been diagnosed with bowel cancer, and I had been discussing with my friends. Vegan friend piped up about how it 'really was avoidable, people should not eat red meat and they'd be fine. You should become vegan too as you'll be high risk". I said, "well it's a bit late for him now whatever the cause, but a bit insensitive don't you think?". She then snapped back "well, you're insensitive too- you and A went out for a meal without inviting me and then posted about it on FB". I pointed out that it's not like we all went except her and that we do sometimes go out without all 5 in the group (and she had friend A have been out without me and that's fine). Not only that but she had said that she didn't want to set foot in the restaurant for ethical reasons so we hadn't invited her. She went on for a while, I and friend A said sorry if we'd upset her but we didn't honestly think anything of it. However, I still thought she had been overly sensitive and unnecessarily rude re my uncle and we left on awkward terms.
Her partner then called me to say how upset vegan friend was with me. I said that I had apologised as we had inadvertently upset her but I thought she had been a little oversensitive about the whole thing. She said we (as in group) have not been supportive of the changes they've made to their life. I said that although I don't agree with all their views, I do think they have a right to live their lives as they see fit and so am supportive in that way. I'm not going to pretend I wholeheartedly agree with everything they say though and especially not if I'm specifically asked. I did say that sometimes it felt a bit like they try to steamroller over other peoples views and that I did find her comment re my uncle unkind and insensitive. Her partner said "she was just stating a fact"- I replied that actually it isn't a fact that my uncle eating red meat was the sole cause of his bowel cancer (it may have contributed, but we'll probably never know) and that as I wasn't consulting a Dr about reducing my risk of developing bowel cancer what she said was actually nothing more than sanctimonious waffle at best (I admit I was cross by this point) and that I'd prefer it if they kept their views to themselves a bit more as it does get some tiresome listening to them going on about it. We left it somewhat tense.
I did call another friend to vent, and she said that she had been feeling similar about friend and her partner for a while. It's fine that they have made these changes, but it would be nice if it didn't have to dominate where we go/what we do when we get together and also if we didn't have to endlessly hear about it. Friend A called to tell me that vegan friends partner had also called her and they'd had quite a tense conversation (after she had called me). Then another friend called to say vegan friend had called her in tears and had hung up on her when she hadn't agreed with her.
TBH, I feel like just leaving it. I won't be inviting her to things or initiating contact/chats but certainly won't expect others to do the same. I will be friendly when we meet. But I feel she's more of an annoying acquaintance than a friend now. AIBU? I know that friend A feels the same and another friend is rapidly running out of patience. But then it feels like we are pushing her out and that doesn't sit well.
Sorry for the essay. If you got through that you deserve 
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