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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to wonder if this happen to anyone else?

31 replies

whatsthepointthen · 06/01/2019 19:05

Earlier today I went shopping, after the kids (4) wanted macdonalds so we went in. There was no seating so I ordered it to take away.
As we came out my son asked for his drink so I went over to a near by bench and placed the bags down and gave it to him.
The children then asked if they could sit on the bench to eat so I said it was fine.

After what could have only been 5 minutes a homeless man opposite screamed “Oi get those kids to shut up!!” I was really shocked, I told him there was no need to shout at us, he said he was trying to sleep (in one of the most busiest spots in the area?!) I get that he is homeless but it isnt an excuse to shout at a woman with small children. There is no way he would have done it if I was a man. I had a go at him because tbh im sick of people being nasty.
This isnt the first time this kind of thing has happened so Im wondering if this happens to other people?! its to the point that I hate going out, yes my children can be loud but im not sure what I can do about that. I cant lock them up indoors, I beg my son to lower his voice (he is the loudest one) but he seems to be incapable and claims he doesnt know how to. My ex use to tell me I was making it up when I told him about things like this happening because it never happened when he was around, because men dont do this to other men!

Like I said stuff like this makes me hate going out, does this kind of thing happen to others aswell?

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 06/01/2019 19:10

Homelessness and mental illness very often go together. I wouldn't have stood there trying to reason with him I'd have just moved on and explained to the kids that sometimes people are rude but it's not always their fault because they might be ill.
It wouldn't dwell on it it's not your kids or you it's just an ill man shouting at anyone who comes near him.

Original poster

whatsthepointthen · 06/01/2019 19:12

Thats the thing it certainly isnt a one off as I said. and I didnt want to make him think he had scared me into leaving, I wanted to stand my ground and not leave because of him.

OP posts:

PookieDo · 06/01/2019 19:16

I probably would have just moved away

How loud were the DC? Just normal talking or shouting and running around or crying? If this happens a lot to your perhaps you could look at positive reinforcement/behaviour so then you wouldn’t feel like you can’t go out

I will be honest this has never happened to me so I can’t comment on how usual it is for men to shout at women about the noise of their DC

MyGirl6 · 06/01/2019 19:17

Really wouldn't dwell on it... a homeless bloke who likely had mental health problems told you to tell your kids to shut up. So what? Just ignore, tell your children that sometimes people aren't very nice, and move on.

I don't mean to be harsh OP but you can't be so sensitive about things like this. Not unless you want to spend half your life upset about something someone who means nothing to you said...

MoreCheeseDear · 06/01/2019 19:17

If more than one person has asked you to keep the kids quiet then they must be exceptionally loud. Teach them to be quieter and it won't happen any more.

adaline · 06/01/2019 19:18

I wouldn't dwell on this one incident, but if lots of people are telling your children to shut up, you maybe need to get them to work on their quiet voices?

bridgetreilly · 06/01/2019 19:20

You do need to teach your children to speak more quietly, especially if your son really says he doesn't know how to. Practice with him. "Inside voices" and "outside voices". It will improve your life and his dramatically.

Original poster

whatsthepointthen · 06/01/2019 19:23

No they werent running around or crying not sure where you got that from? Just wondering if this happens to others not what I should do differently as surely there is no excuse for screaming at a woman and children.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatsthepointthen · 06/01/2019 19:25

And as I said in my op I have tried and tried and tried with my son especially, nothing works.

OP posts:

PookieDo · 06/01/2019 19:25

I asked if they were crying or running around, or just talking. I asked. It had a ?
It was a question

AgathaMisty · 06/01/2019 19:25

if lots of people are telling your children to shut up, you maybe need to get them to work on their quiet voices?

This. I think this particular man was probably BU about trying to sleep but there is no need for children to be screeching even when they're outside. It's very unpleasant.

MyGirl6 · 06/01/2019 19:27

@whatsthepointthen what do you mean what you should do?

Honestly, you need to get over it. He was a homeless bloke. He's probably having a really shit, really cold day (life). Move on and be grateful that you aren't in his position. Sorry he shouted at you, but really it's not a big deal. Move on OP.

I got told to fuck off back to my own country by a homeless man (I'm black, and born in the UK), but I just ignored him and moved right on. I felt sorry for him as he was clearly unwell. There was nothing i could have done to change his behaviour.

PookieDo · 06/01/2019 19:27

You haven’t really explained what your son is doing that is so loud

If my DC were not behaving when I went out I probably wouldn’t buy them a McDonalds.

I also don’t think DC find shopping much fun, perhaps use a treat like going to the park to and keep short the shopping trips

AgathaMisty · 06/01/2019 19:27

FWIW I'm not saying your DC were necessarily screeching but most parents do seem to have selective hearing when it comes to their own DC and don't notice the sound level so much!

Original poster

whatsthepointthen · 06/01/2019 19:28

Again not screeching or screaming, just talking.

OP posts:

MyGirl6 · 06/01/2019 19:30

What do you want us to say OP? There is no solution to you being shouted at regularly by men. Certainly not normal. Nobody can advise on how you make this stop. Sad if this does regularly happen to you and I'm sorry for that but really, it's not the norm for anyone I know...

Original poster

whatsthepointthen · 06/01/2019 19:31

Ive clearly stated that my son is loud, its in my op, maybe I should just lock him up then as to not upset people. I try every single day with his voice, he doesnt listen. My sister is convinced he has hearing problems because of how loud he talks (he doesnt) but clearly I am the unreasonable one! Ok then, he is not the only one with MH issues I have terrible anxiety and stuff like this stops me going out or makes me shake when I have to but I will leave it at that as im clearly unreasonable.

OP posts:

adaline · 06/01/2019 19:31

Again not screeching or screaming, just talking.

If multiple people are telling him to be quiet he's not just talking though, is he?

And what you do is take your children home. Every time. They'll soon learn.

PookieDo · 06/01/2019 19:31

Get his hearing checked?

crackerbaron · 06/01/2019 19:33

No I'd say this isn't a common occurrence

PookieDo · 06/01/2019 19:36

It seems like you need to find some other way to work on how loud your son is so that he will be more socially accepted. Unfortunately life does work on social interaction although it’s not ok for you to be shouted at by men, you shouted back which is probably not a good example to DC.

I am sure HV or School could give you some help with this? If he’s loud and doesn’t care then it sounds like a bad attitude. If you point out to him he’s being too loud and there is no consequences for it and he isn’t trying to be quieter then perhaps he needs some firmer parenting strategies. If he ‘can’t help it’ but wants to try, then you could use rewards

But again to your original question no, people have never done this to me. DC generally behaved and if not and it was unpleasant for other people we went home!

gamerwidow · 06/01/2019 19:37

If even your own sister is worried your child might be deaf because of the volume he talks at then it's time to consider that he talks abnormally loud and you need help to address it. Is he at school, what so his teachers say about his noise levels there?

MyGirl6 · 06/01/2019 19:39

Get his hearing checked?
Don't get them a McDonald's if they don't listen to you?
Have you sought help for your anxiety? If things like this stop you going out it might help if you talked about that with someone. I have anxiety, it can be crippling.

AgathaMisty · 06/01/2019 19:41

OP, this has clearly shaken you up and I'm sorry that this has affected you so much. I'm not the most resilient of people and I also get upset when having a disagreement with a stranger. YANBU to be upset.

However, the bigger issue here is that people are probably not saying these things about your DC to be mean. They are saying them because your DC are very loud (by your own admission) which is extremely unpleasant for all around them.

Unless your DS has SEN or hearing problems he should be able to speak at a normal volume. PPs have suggested positive reinforcement or punishment. These are things that I'd encourage you to work on if you don't want this to happen every time you go out. As much as it upsets you to be shouted at in the street, poor strangers also have to endure shouting when loud DC are nearby and their DP don't stop it.

waywardfruit · 06/01/2019 19:46

I've had a homeless person be quite viciously and unpleasantly rude to me (and for no good reason), and I don't think they would speak to a man like that either.

YANBU

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