AIBU to wonder how people can afford to get married, buy a house AND have children??

[diamondeyes10]

Just that really...

I am approaching 30 and I have been with my partner for 4 years.

I have numerous comments from others assuming that we are going to get engaged soon and have children, honestly we are struggling to scrape a deposit together to buy a house and it is taking a very long time! I know people have different priorities but I really don't know how people can afford it all nowadays (except for the obvious reasons!)

I'm not sure what I am wanting to get out of this thread, but enjoying having a little moan!

Although I should add the way we managed childcare was one worked in the day the other did night shifts so min childcare needed. Yes we sacrificed as we had periods when we were ships in the night but as I said you can’t have everything.

Previous posters comment about 2nd hand furniture is a good point. I can afford furniture but never new there’s too many bargains to be had.

I feel you OP. I'm afraid I'm another one who only got what I have through parents. My father was quite a high ranking police officer and when his pension came through he paid for our wedding and part house deposit.

I honestly don't think we'd have ever been able to otherwise. Although DH now has his own business and does much better than when he was employed.

In my experience, lots of my friends had help from their parents
I was working with people that were buying houses at 27, after studying a degree and masters
No way they could have done that without help
Same for wedding

It is crap for those of us doing it in our own but if you compare with others... well we will never be happy

We had a wedding just us and witnesses. In town hall then a meal.
It was lovely

Get married at a registry office.

Both my parents and my partners parents got married in registry office, so did my aunty and uncle (and they're millionaires.) I know some people want the big white wedding, but actually being able to start and sustain a life as a couple is more important (and the actual POINT.) All the money thrown at a wedding is just a big scam IMO. It goes by in a blur, not everyone even has fun and many couples will divorce.

As for houses, I've no idea.

PS couples I know who've had big weddings are usually older and tend to have more saved. Having a lavish wedding at 21 for example, sounds like a ridiculous waste of money.

Earn more?

Spend less on a wedding.

[Do Not have kids before you buy a house.]
I disagree
We don't own a house. We have a DC. We save up.
Our jobs involve living where the job is and housing is provided.
My parents bought their first home when I was 12 and my brother 16
You can save and invest instead

This makes more sense My advice would be to buy a house before having kids if possible as you will both have full time jobs to get a mortgage against. If one of you goes part time / SAHP after kids then you won't be able to borrow as much just when you will probably want a bigger property and more space for the kids

If possible, that is a better option. Not possible for us.

Ahhh wait this now, I should have read everything
Goes hide
Surely you don't want to borrow more than you can afford on the incomes you'll have once you have kids? The affordability tests seem pretty fair to me, I wouldn't want to be paying a mortgage with a mortgage to income ratio above them.
This makes sense

We bought a 1 bed flat. Had a baby (unplanned but it was all fine!) - moved to a larger house that needed renovation (so was cheaper), had another baby once new house was big enough. Then got married relatively cheaply once I was back at work after DC and we had a bit more money.

A bit untraditional I suppose but worked for us!

We did it over 15 years. We lived in cheap, student type rental properties for 10 years to save for a deposit on our first house in 2002. Then got married - fortunate enough for both sets of parents to gift us £3K each and we paid the balance. Then saved again for another 5 years before DC1.

To be quite honest?

We're both decent earners, AND low-ish spenders.

We didn't start out on high wages (£12k for him, £15k for me first year out of Uni. But being low spenders meant that we weren't inclined to be extravagent on those salaries.

Even once we'd moved to graduate jobs, we didn't spend a lot on:

Cars
Phones
TV/Internet packages (no Sky)
Clothes/hair and beauty

We have spent a reasonable amount on holidays and travel, but off peak, deals, clubcard points have gone a long way to keeping those cheap.

Now we're both the highest earners in our friend groups, and we still spend quite low on the above. I turn up to get togethers in the oldest car, no manicure, the cheapest phone (and it's cracked), and the handbag on my arm did not cost anywhere near the others.

I'm not bragging - it's just how we are. It means we can continue to afford most things thrown at us super easily. We are good at deferring pleasure, IN NO SMALL PART because if we do want something, we only need to snap our fingers (or one click on Amazon) to get it.

House - we saved around £75k between us over 8 years.
Wedding - we saved, and parents contributed. £13k wedding, £6k honeymoon. A lot to spend on one day? Sure, but I can't see myself regretting it. We had a great time and put on a great day for our friends.
Kids - we'll save £8k to support the year of split maternity/paternity leave (husband gets 4 months full pay).

Lucky? Yes.
Hard working? Yes.
Frugal? Yes.
Privileged? Yes.
Savvy? Yes.

All these things combined contribute to an extremely fortunate position.