AIBU to wonder how people can afford to get married, buy a house AND have children??

[diamondeyes10]

Just that really...

I am approaching 30 and I have been with my partner for 4 years.

I have numerous comments from others assuming that we are going to get engaged soon and have children, honestly we are struggling to scrape a deposit together to buy a house and it is taking a very long time! I know people have different priorities but I really don't know how people can afford it all nowadays (except for the obvious reasons!)

I'm not sure what I am wanting to get out of this thread, but enjoying having a little moan!

House first, wedding next, then kids. We both worked and still do.

Also house wise we started small (tiny flat in crappy area) to where we are now (detached in good area). Wedding wise we only spent what we could afford. We waited to have children till our mid 30s and were financially comfortable.

You don’t need to suddenly create the dream life. Do it bit by bit and don’t freak yourself out x

We got married on a small budget and done most things ourselves to save money- invites, centrepiece etc. We now have 1 child and will start saving in the next few years for a house deposit.

We are lucky enough that our rent isnt too steep and we are young enough to still get a good mortgage deal in a few years ( we are late 20's).

No help from either family apart from PIL paid for our photographer and my Mother paid for my wedding dress.

We only have 1 child so thankfully childcare is manageable, we would love another but couldn't afford to then save for mortgage or have 'nice things.

If you have been working for 12 years approx and have v little savings, what are you spending your money on (rhetorical question). I threw away so much money in my twenties on lunches out, travelling (mostly don't regret that but definitely wasted some), clothes etc. Could have saved loads. Now we have way less money and still manage fine. Wish I had realised that earlier.

Thankfully we got married when weddings were way lower key and parents on both sides paid for a few things.

Get married first, it doesn't have to cost much. If you let people know you're saving for a house they'll give cash which can go towards deposit. Save for deposit and then if kids happen to come along you have security.

We only have house deposit due to a deaths and inheritance. We then put that into a help to buy ISA over the last 2 years to get another 25% top up on it. We weren't in a position to buy then anyway so could put it away for a while.
We're buying the house now then saving for our wedding as we'll paying less on a mortgage than on rent for a much bigger property closer to work!
We don't plan on having children so don't have to worry about that bit!

@IStillMissBlockbuster you don't sound a twat at all, I hope to someday help my kids that way

Cheap wedding, help from relatives, both high earners, live in the North rather than south, frugal spenders to name but a few reasons.

My parents paid for the wedding. DH's parents chipped in too. I always thought that was what normally happened. Didn't even think about how we would pay for it when we got engaged.

Baby came next. You don't need any money to get pregnant!

House bought in cheap area, with some help from parents and own savings for deposit. Long time ago. It wasn't as expensive as now though.

The 'different priorities' is key to it all imo . I saved. I rarely went on holidays. I didn't have a car etc, until after I'd bought my flat. Also, I'm in Scotland. Property is cheaper here.

Lived together for 5 years. Both saving. Had a 10k wedding. Paid for with savings. Had a baby 2 years of saving later, and bought a house on help to buy with savings as a deposit.
Now paid off the HTB. We have never lived ‘frugally’ really, just saved. Baby has never cost us anything out of our savings, just usual wages and everyday spending.

We worked hard and had a tight budget. Bit boring really

My friend is doing all this - bought a house last year, massive wedding planned this year and plans to start a family soon after the wedding. parents helped with the house deposit, both of them have individually taken out huge loans for the wedding and I expect they will just cope with the costs of a baby. Both have decent income though and expecting wage rises in the next couple of years. I don't think they completely realise the cost of kids though !

A wedding only costs £150 if you nip to the registry office, it only costs thousands if you subscribe to the idea of the brides big day.

I worked two jobs and we saved hard before having children. It's the best time to get on the property ladder as no commitments so have the time and energy to work many hours for what we wanted.

We then only had children once we have a stable base and savings behind us to ensure we could meet their needs.

You can do it, it just takes a lot of hard work for most with a few getting it handed to them.

Small wedding, moved further away from the city our jobs are in to afford a bigger 4 bed house (still cheaper than a 1/2 in the city our jobs are in) love to a very very tight budget so that all bills etc are paid and save up for big things like new phones / holidays etc.

We also “lucky” according to a friend of mine because my dad died leaving me a small amount, the last year beloved grandparents and my DH father. I don’t see it as lucky personally and the money will be used to help maintain our house / rainy day fund

Inheritance has allowed us to buy a house and a flat which we rent out. Wedding was fairly cheap and parents helped a bit. The rental income more than covers our nursery bill.

We each lived with our parents until we were 30. Had relatively good jobs and were able to save. We live in the North.

OP, you may be very grateful you weren't able to buy while prices were rising, my prediction is that they're going to fall over the next couple of years. Save hard, it's a buyers' market now and I reckon it's going to be more that way in a few months.

Saved for 3 years for a deposit, got married first - registrar's office and small party, bought the house, overpayed on the mortgage like mad, first kid came 5y after buying the house and by that time we had a small mortgage.

We both had good jobs and spaced things out. Our wedding was about £13k and was fantastic, we didn't go into any debt or get anything from parents for that.

Didn't buy a house for another 5 years, saved up and moved out of London to be able to afford something decent. Had a baby around the same time but didn't spend a fortune - lots of stuff second hand/borrowed, and I had a reasonably good maternity package.

Currently pregnant with DC2 and things will be tighter on mat leave this time but DH has got some extra contracting work so that will help.

We moved into my parents box room and saved like mad for a year to get the deposit on our first home. We went for a flat but in a good location. We lived there for 10 years whilst we did the marriage (tiny, 3k total Inc honeymoon), and had two dcs. Once we were through needing 2x paid childcare we then moved to where we are now which is big enough for us all until the dc move out.

So my tips would be (1) move into your folks if an option (2) save hard (3) don't aim for the monstrously huge wedding or the unnecessarily big detached house etc.

We live in the NW. Bought a house together a couple of years ago, getting married this year, hopefully a baby after that. We wouldn't have been able to buy a house if we lived in a city, or in the SE.

We bought a small flat when we were still students using a mixture of student loans and working every hour that god sent on top of studying. Wasn't the most expensive flat so we kept on saving.

Got married for a total of about £350, had enough savings to buy a slightly bigger house once eldest arrived, no childcare to pay thanks to grandparents.

A few promotions each and struggled in what was a very small house with 2 kids when youngest arrived to allow us to keep saving and have only just moved to a bigger house now she is 2.

A mixture of the equity in this house and our continued savings will allow for a move to our final 'forever'(hopefully) home in the next few years.

Well getting engaged is free, getting married can cost as little as you want virtually, kids cost but can be cheap if you are sensible. Lots of people can't afford to buy.

Saved like hell for 8 years to buy a run down tip of a house (sockets hanging off the walls, no shower) and did it up slowly, pay cheque by pay cheque. Had a gift for 3rd of wedding which we used for deposits and saved for the rest, 2nd hand dress, venue that didn't charge corkage. Then after DD it all went tits up and he had an affair. The silver lining is that my divorce settlement means he pays 50% of childcare until she's 16 so I can probably afford more kids if I want one day...

This probably doesn't help, but I bought a house when I was 26 - about 8 years before I met my DH.

Spent £5k in a wedding in 2004 and DS came along in 2005. It was the nursery fees that were a bit of a killer for a few years.