To feel hurt that partner wants to continue smoking through pregnancy

[Biutiful]

We both used to smoke and I stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant. He continued for a couple of months always having an excuse then stopped around a week ago but now talks about starting back up. He doesn't smoke indoors and took his sweater off after being for a smoke so he tries his best but I used to enjoy smoking myself and start to resent him feeling like I'm in this sober pregnancy alone. I'm quite hormonal and Almost cried when we talked about it feeling let down but am like with everything at the moment wondering if I'm over reacting and being selfish or well within my rights to feel hurt. Any opinions would be welcomed

If, as I already stated, the OP had been an alcoholic then yes, I think DH should quit alcohol to support her in the pregnancy. You seem really hung up on this - alcohol is irrelevant in this situation regardless of how much you want to make it so. If you want to tell the world why it’s fine to smoke, make an argument on it’s on it’s own merits and not on comparisons to other potentially damaging things. It’s a slippery slope.

They both decided to have a baby - she is supporting baby by giving up, he would be supporting her (which in turn is supportive of baby) by giving up.

They both decided to have a baby

Yes so surely they both should have discussed this before getting pregnant and both made sure they were on the same page instead of getting upset about it now. Obviously he doesn't want to give up and that's his choice. If OP doesn't like it maybe she should've had the conversation beforehand and not got pregnant by him if it upsets her so much. As evidenced on this thread some of us think it's unreasonable to expect him to give up, some think it is reasonable. Neither opinion is wrong but it tends to help if both partners in a relationship are on the same page.

I wouldn't live with a smoker if I had a baby in the house.

My step son's mum claims she doesn't smoke around him but every time he's been there his hair and clothes stink of smoke and his eczema flares up. Thankfully he's with us most of the time although I still worry about asthma and things as he's only 2.

I used to smoke. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I stopped and never went back to it. I don't understand people saying they are too stressed to not go back to it especially since my son was conceived in very traumatic circumstances meaning I had to go to court whilst pregnant, still have ptsd and obviously made me a single parent from day one.

Dutch1e the research on tertiary smoking is still focused on long term furnishings etc it's just starting to be looked at in regard to clothes etc but given what we already know it certainly wouldn't surprise me to learn it has significant harmful effects.

Re the old "but street pollution is worse" that has been proven to be far less significant both in amount and effect in comparison to close contact with a smoker.

Pressure on a smoker who's "not really ready" I have little sympathy here. He's a grown arse adult and his actions are/will negatively affect the health of an innocent, powerless baby. Suck it up! Get nicotine replacement products, go to support groups but the baby's needs trump the smokers. Especially considering what op's body and emotions are going through with a pregnancy, giving up smoking is a tiny sacrifice in comparison.

On alcohol v smoking.

I'm the dd/granddaughter/niece & cousin of alcoholics. They're also all smokers or were. The smoking affected my health - and continues to even though I'm no longer exposed the damage has been done - far more than their alcoholism did in most cases.

Alcohol addiction is hugely problematic, but social drinking only affects the drinker.

Its better if he gives up smoking. My DP did it by hypnotherapy. Stubbed out his fag on doorstop of hypnotherapist’s house had one session and never smoked again. Better for baby if he doesnt smoke too

As previous posters have suggested, him attempting to give up when you’re both exhausted from dealing with a non-sleeping newborn would probably be far more stressful.

As well as the dangers mentioned above, there’s also the issue of time management if he’s still smoking once the baby arrives- the actual time smoking, plus time to wash and change , plus half an hour before handling the baby- he’d only need to do that a few times a day to be skiving off active parenting for hours over the course of the day. You’re soon going to get pissed off about that.

Glory... Absolutely speaking sense, and everyone else speaking of the detrimental affects it has on others, especially on a baby, born or not.

Second and third hand smoke can have really damaging affects, even if your partner works on cutting down for now and then quits before baby arrives, better to work on it now rather than when the baby arrives.

Stats show smoking contributes to a lot of SIDS, the toxins in tobacco are lethal and they get released gradually through your lungs and pores, the affects of smoking a cigarette lasts for hours... Not something a baby should be around. Comparing it to alcohol is a bit silly really.

I see a few PP have mentioned this but please get a CO test from your midwife, it may show that his smoking is already affecting the baby.
httpswww.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/smoking/