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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate weekends?

67 replies

millytrees · 06/01/2019 08:32

I look forward to them and then the reality is they are long, lonely and unhappy. Then Monday comes round again.

It’s a waste of a life and I really don’t know what to do about it.

OP posts:

Jayfee · 06/01/2019 09:17

How old are you Milly?

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/01/2019 09:18

Find out what's on in your local area. I looked online, and was amazed at the variety of events - many free or low cost. Get chatting to people!

I'm in a weird place myself atm. Alone, but not really craving company. I like weekends at home in Winter (cosy in trackies and hoody!) - but come Monday, I'm annoyed with myself for not having 'done' anything on my free days

Livelovebehappy · 06/01/2019 09:23

If you like dogs why not volunteer for dog walking at your local rspca? When I was going through a very low time in my life I did this and made friends with the dog walkers in the area, one of whom I still keep in contact with now. You also feel that you’re making a difference to a poor dog who would otherwise not get to go out, and you’re getting exercise. Win win!

FortunesFave · 06/01/2019 09:27

A woman in my town organised a local clean-up. Completely unofficial...she did it on FB and everyone had to bring their own bags/gloves etc and it turned into a weekly thing. Then they started cleaning the beach and working their way down the coast.

Lovely. She told me recently that she'd only started it because she was so lonely since her divorce that it was all she could think of.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/01/2019 09:30

Livelovebehappy when I climb out of my Winter inertia, I'll be walking round parks and petting people's dogs! (with owners permission, of course) I always feel better for it, and dog owners are generally a friendly bunch!

Parker231 · 06/01/2019 09:30

What about your local gym? My gym is always busy at the weekends and most people have come on their own. Chance to meet some new people and go for a coffee afterwards. You’ll also be getting some exercise which can help you feel more positive?

PedunculatedPolp · 06/01/2019 09:41

In my late 20's I moved to a new city on my own and knew no one. I moved into a house share and met some good people that way. I did a Swedish Body Massage course one evening a week and met some lovely ladies and 2 even came to my wedding a few years later. I also went to a ceilidh on my own in aid of the local park and met another lady who had also just moved to the city and we clicked and she also came to my wedding. One of the first questions I always ask new people is where is their favourite place to go on holiday? Usually starts a good conversation and you may find out about an amazing place to visit that you have never heard of. Good luck to you.

Original poster

millytrees · 06/01/2019 09:41

I do go to the gym - thanks. I used to volunteer but not feeling it at the moment.

I’m 38.

OP posts:

MintyT · 06/01/2019 09:44

Could you do park run on a Saturday morning it's free and you can walk !! Loads go and it's very friendly, I don't go very often as like a lay in but I feel good all day when I do go,
Try church I don't go but my friend does and she has loads of friends it her church family they are very supportive, they don't mind that your not religious they are just pleased your there.
When I was a Sahm I dine voluntary work at a charity shop on a Saturday it's a nice way to chat to people, mine was local so I got to know local people

XmasPostmanBos · 06/01/2019 09:47

You sound very down. Could you be depressed?

Original poster

millytrees · 06/01/2019 09:57

That’s exactly it, they don’t mind if you’re religious or not as they want to convert you - I’m not sure I want to be converted, to be honest

I don’t know if an endless stream of activities is what I need. I’m just so lonely, life is passing me by.

OP posts:

Fcukthisshit · 06/01/2019 09:59

When I lived on my own, I used to bake if I felt lonely / bored, then I’d take some round to the neighbours. Gave me something to do, and helped getting to know my neighbours.

festigirl14 · 06/01/2019 10:01

@milly what about some life coaching? I found it helped me identify what I wanted to happen in my life and how I wanted it to look and then make changes. It sounds like you want something different and sometimes talking to someone else can help with that and be motivating. It might not be activities - it might be getting to the root of why you feel life is passing you by- identifying what you can do to change that

Subeccoo · 06/01/2019 10:05

I really can't encourage volunteering at parkrun enough. You do not have to run a step, you meet loads of people and can't help but smile. Great way to start the weekend and I look forward to it all week.
It's not gonna solve all your problems but it is fun and free.

ballstoit · 06/01/2019 10:06

It's a tough situation - sometimes joining activities seems to reinforce your alone ness, doesn't it?

I find that when I'm struggling, very short term goals help. What's your plan for today? What's your favourite food - could you cook yourself something delicious for lunch or dinner?

Whereabouts in the country do you live?

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/01/2019 10:09

I don’t know if an endless stream of activities is what I need

I totally get this! I have to go to work, but would hate to have to commit to anything every weekend too. I also understand your reluctance about getting involved with a church just as somewhere to meet people.

Can you say what you feel you are missing most? Friends, a partner maybe?

Didiusfalco · 06/01/2019 10:09

I think this time of year is hard. I’ve been feeling a bit low and I’ve found that getting out for a walk has helped temporarily lift my mood - I know that’s not a long term fix.
Don’t write off church entirely, I went for years with very vague beliefs (accompanying my elderly gran) no one tried to convert me and outside of the service there was virtually no chat about religion - it was a Methodist church so fairly low key. It did give me a sense of belonging and community and I would definitely do it again.

Original poster

millytrees · 06/01/2019 10:14

I think a partner.

I’d like to travel. I know I can do this alone and I have but it’s still lonely. Long waits at airports. Flights alone. Endless round of books, films, tv series. Then being restricted in what you can do away because you are alone and everything is aimed at couples.

I would like to have long country walks with someone to talk to.

I would like to have someone at home to chat to and watch tv with and laugh with.

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/01/2019 10:21

Have you thought about joining OLD?

Original poster

millytrees · 06/01/2019 10:23

I have but to be honest I just don’t think I am robust enough. The rejection and sheer brutality of it gets to me.

OP posts:

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/01/2019 10:29

Right. Of course I suggest dating sites - but you have to be in a good place mentally, assured and confident, and quickly learn the 'red flags' of potential dates. So many liars, cheats and scammers on there! my DD is your age, she found decent men on Tinder. One LTR, which ended amicably, now with a new man. However it is easy, when lonely, to expect a partner to fulfill all your needs. It is also only too easy to latch on to 'ok' men, just to assuage the lonliness.

Going on dates is fun, though, just treat them as meeting and chatting with a new person. Coffee date first, somewhere public you are comfy with, then you can leave early if you're not feeling it.

Men on OLD can spot vulnerable, lonely women and can target them for cocklodging/controlling (as evidenced on Relationship board) - so be careful about what info you give out about your situation.

Having said all that - it really does work for many people!

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 06/01/2019 10:32

Oh the rejection, yes. Lots of 'sweetshop' mentality on OLD.

user1490465531 · 06/01/2019 10:36

Have you posted before? your posts seem familiar with another op who posted about loneliness on here she was the same age and wanted a partner and family but thought it would never happen.

Original poster

millytrees · 06/01/2019 10:38

I’m not a new poster user but I don’t know if I am the poster you are thinking of.

OP posts:

Grahamiscrackers · 06/01/2019 10:40

My friend met his wife on OLD. They are married now and have two children.

Another friend of mine has just moved into a new area. She has a dog and has made friends already by meeting people walking her dog. A dog would also be some company on long, quiet weekends. If you work full time there are dog walkers who can help with that aspect and also might be able to introduce you to other people in the dog walking community.

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