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Original poster

Worried I'll miss my newborn

45 replies

LondonLatoya · 06/01/2019 05:43

I have a 2 month old at the moment. I'm not coping, mainly because I have an overwhelming worry that I will miss the newborn stage too much and will become depressed because of it. I would like another child but DH doesn't want another. I'm struggling to enjoy these moments and I just want to freeze in time.

Is this a normal feeling? I just want to get rid of it. I hate the thought that one day he won't need to put his head on my chest to sleep anymore.

I suffer with generalised anxiety and OCD which makes feelings like this quite intense.

I just love this so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
LondonLatoya · 06/01/2019 05:48

Probably posted at the wrong time of day to get many answers...

OP posts:
bellajay · 06/01/2019 05:55

I sort of know what you mean, I have a 15 week old and I’m always torn between missing the newborn days and looking forward to all the exciting things coming up. He will still want to sleep on you for a long time yet!

I’m sorry you’re not coping. Do you have a therapist you can talk about these feelings with? If not, would you consider going to see your gp? In my area the health visitor will do something called a listening visit if you feel you are struggling mentally, would that help you?

I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful and I have had some dark moments at times trying to get through this crazy new experience, it is so hard in lots of different ways. It sounds like you have an incredible bond with your baby and I hope you’re able to work through this Flowers

moose234 · 06/01/2019 05:57

@LondonLatoya I have a 6 month old, and I do miss the newborn stage, my LO doesn't sleep much anymore, so I miss the falling asleep on my chest!

Ineedtonamechangenow · 06/01/2019 05:58

I have two, a two year old and nearly one year old. I miss the newborn stage so much but at the same time I'm absolutely crazy about the little people they're turning into. My two year old especially is just incredible. It does make up for it in many ways. Although I'd absolutely love a snuggly newborn again!

EmUntitled · 06/01/2019 05:58

I felt the same but every stage is as good as the last. I wanted her to be 3 months for ever, I distinctly remember saying that, she was so cute at 3 months. Then when she was 6 mo ths, sitting up and interacting, I wanted her to be 6 months forever. Then she was 1 and started walking, being her own little person and laughing and playing. I wanted her to be 1 forever.

You get the picture Wink

Try if you can to enjoy each stage. Yes it will eventually end but then you move on to something new and exciting and wonderful.

Longsleepneeded · 06/01/2019 05:58

I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old. I have wanted to freeze time at every 'stage' because each one has been my 'favourite ' . My 2 year old is asleep next to me now and he is gorgeous! Just learning to talk and it's wonderful to watch. My 6 year old is funny, full of mischief and doing well at school. What I'm trying to say is every stage is lovely and fascinating when you're watching your own children grow. The cuddly newborn is lovely but there are amazing special times ahead too. Try and enjoy the moment , time seems to go so quickly but there is always something new to love!

CrazyOldBagLady · 06/01/2019 06:02

Hi OP I can really relate to your post. When my son was born I obviously felt so much joy to have him, but also so much sadness that he wouldn't be my baby forever. I was very aware of what a fleeting moment it would be in the grand scheme of life, and it brought me to tears on a few occasions. They are just so small and perfect and feel like a part of you still, and you never want to lose them. I don't suffer from anxiety or anything like that usually but having a child is such a profound yet traumatic experience you are left with so many bewildering thoughts and feelings and the only thing you can really cling onto is that wonderful baby in your arms.

It helped me to find an old thread where people were talking about what they thought were the best ages of their children. Overwhelmingly posters said something like "My child is x months/years and this is the best so far". It helped me realise no matter what stage your child is at you will always think it's absolutely the best time and you can enjoy whatever stage they're at. As my son is getting older I can see that to be true, every day he learns something new and his personality emerges a bit more and he still seems just as wonderful as he ever did, but now I can look forward to all the fun times we'll have as he grows.

I never felt especially hormonal or emotional during pregnancy but for a long time after the birth I experienced a land slide of emotions. Things will settle down and one day soon you will realise you don't feel sad and only the joy remains.

Congratulations on your little one, enjoy the moments each day brings with him and hold him tight while he'll still let you paw and poke him.

My DH found the birth quite traumatic and it took him a while to consider having another one, but he came round in the end Smile

Iwannabail · 06/01/2019 06:03

Personally this is my least favourite stage! Watching how they grow and learn is amazing and still blows me away every day... when I am not too tired and/or arguing with my other one ha ha. Every stage of your child’s life will come with different rewards and feelings. If you feel your anxiety is getting too much, please seek help, but also know that you will get lots more pleasure and wonderful moments x

Original poster
LondonLatoya · 06/01/2019 06:05

Finding this so hard. Thanks for your responses. I just don't see how anything can ever be better than this.

OP posts:
polkadotpixie · 06/01/2019 06:09

I absolutely relate to this! I think it's hard to feel them becoming less and less a part of you. It's also pretty awesome to see them become their own little person though so I'm trying to take solace in that

My son is 4 months old now and I definitely miss those newborn snuggles but he does lots of other things that amaze me daily and he still sleeps in my arms

I also suffer from anxiety and it's hard not to let it suck the joy out these precious moments. You are definitely not alone though in feeling this way

CrazyOldBagLady · 06/01/2019 06:11

Ah but it will! The first smile, hearing their first laughter, the first time something excites them or they light up when you enter the room. Finding out what their likes are and hearing them squeal with delight when you bring them a favourite food or toy. Hearing his little voice for the first time when he calls you Mummy or reaches up to you to pick him up. The first time he kisses and cuddles you. There is so much to look forward to!

Ihuntmonsters · 06/01/2019 06:12

I didn't really enjoy the baby stages and hated it when people went on about how 'it goes so fast' as to me it felt more like moving through treacle! Especially when we had dd very close to ds (16 mths gap) and she was a clingy screamer.

Now I've just said goodbye to dd as she's back to university after Christmas - we've spent lots of time these last couple of weeks snuggled up and watching TV series or surfing You Tube rubbish together. Just because they get bigger doesn't mean they don't want to be close to their mums :) there are lots and lots of great times to parenting so try and enjoy the now without worrying too much about the future.

Original poster
LondonLatoya · 06/01/2019 06:13

@CrazyOldBagLady you're definitely right. I think it's knowing we'll never have any more that's the hard bit. DH is getting the snip so definitely not going to happen. I wish I could let that go...

OP posts:
Original poster
LondonLatoya · 06/01/2019 06:15

I also miss being pregnant. I felt so beautiful. Feeling his kicks, and knowing I was growing a human.

Why can't I get passed the sadness of knowing what I'm leaving behind? It's like I'm fixated on it and it's overwhelming.

OP posts:
Bananarama12 · 06/01/2019 06:16

I have a 1 year old and believe me it gets so much better. I took him to a baby group today and the wonder on his face when they started the bubble machine nearly made me cry. I'm very emotional! He runs up to me for hugs with a big cheesy grin. He is getting his own little personality and it's the BEST thing to watch.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2019 06:17

Your love for you dc will grow. I know it doesn’t feel possible right now. I have a 10 yo. And I loved the tIny baby stages where she slept in my nightdress and I had her asleep inside my coat sitting outside for a while on a cool summers evening.

Much of my time with dd is like a whirlwind and fuzzy due to my chronic illness. Thank goodness for photos, iPhones and videos.

My dd is amazing at 10. She’s so changed in the last year. I made a photo calendar of the past 2 years, which was lovely. I don’t have the energy every year and it hit me how much she’s changed. I was so ill in 2018 and it feels like I missed almost everything.

I was busily mourning the loss of that little girl and wanting her back yesterday or the day before when it suddenly hit me once again just how wonderful, precious and special she is. So I’m once again going with loving this stage and dds growing independence. Not so much the attitude and hormones kicking in though. But it’s and exciting time for her and big big school is just around the corner!

Thatwasfast · 06/01/2019 06:22

I’ve also got a 2 month old, and a 3 year old.

I definitley felt like it with my 3 year old, I’d never felt love like it and just wanted to stop time. I think I did have a bit of PND, but was never diagnosed, as I dwelled on the negative aspects of everything. So if she looked cute in an outfit, I would be thinking: this might be the last time she wears this.

With my 2 month old, I just feel such joy at everything he does. Maybe because I know about all the wonderful things to come: when they first reach for you and give you a kiss, when they first go to the seaside etc etc

There’s lots of good times to come OP. He’s yours forever!

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2019 06:22

After your last update, don’t let this linger. Seek help if you’re struggling. Now is a good time to get therapy if you need it. Your ds isn’t mobile and will sleep through a lot of it. Or can be held etc.

I also think your dh should think about waiting. It is such early days to make such a mammoth decision. He may change his mind for example when your ds asks for a sibling. Maybe not. But there is other contraception out there. Why the rush? Has he h ad a pre op counselling / talk?

Original poster
LondonLatoya · 06/01/2019 06:25

@Mummyoflittledragon he already has children so I guess it's different for him. I knew this when I met him so i can't really complain.

OP posts:
Teddyreddy · 06/01/2019 06:26

It sounds like part of the problem is that you would really like another? I know your DH doesn't want another, but the snip is very final and some people do change their minds as DC1 gets older. Would he agree to delay it for a few years?

EnglishRose13 · 06/01/2019 06:26

At least you know to enjoy the newborn days while you can!

I have a two and a half year old and the newborn days are just a blur. I just concentrated on how hard they might be (they weren't!), so I really feel like I didn't appreciate them enough at the time.

I tell every pregnant person to enjoy the newborn days; they do not last long enough!

Iwannabail · 06/01/2019 06:28

Hi, definitely talk to your Health visitor or GP. Pretty sure in my week by week baby book it talks to increased anxiety around this time (great book FYI). If anything it will help work those feelings out and get you the support you need to focus on what you have, not what you feel you are losing. It does not help these are exhausting times which exacerbate things like anexity but know you are not alone in these feelings or in getting help you need.

Onescaredmuma · 06/01/2019 06:29

I have 3 my 14 month old is my last I wanted to hold on to his baby days exactly as you describe I wanted one more but after an awfuly stressful pregnancy we decided against it my DH went and got the snip and I can't come to terms with that I'll never do this again my every first for DS will be my last first and is tinged with a touch of sadness. I wish I could advise you but wanted to let you know your not alone and I think no matter how many children I had I would always feel this way about my last. My first was over too soon she was walking and talking at 9 months!! My second had awful reflux and I had PND so I struggled to bond with her they're 6 and 4 now and both phases are brilliant they're cheeky and fun loving and drive me bloody insane but are amazing people who I'm loving getting to know them.

Original poster
LondonLatoya · 06/01/2019 06:29

@Teddyreddy it's not booked in, he's only talking about it. I've told him I want another (I would have another 3 if I could) but he seems pretty final. Seems wrong to try and pressure him.

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 06/01/2019 06:35

I can relate to this OP (though I don't have anxiety or OCD and I can quite imagine how this might compound the feelings).

I absolutely loved the newborn phase and every single day wished it could last forever. I felt I knew that this was the best bit and that I wouldn't enjoy the subsequent phases. In fact, I would have happily just kept pressing rewind and doing the first bit over and over again.

The first thing I found, was that DD was a lovely, tiny, completely dependent baby for far longer than I'd thought she might be. For example, 6m didn't feel that different to 2m.

Then as she became less newborn-like I was so swept up by the excitement of her crawling, communicating more etc. that I loved that phase too.

Now at 20m DD is just so cute and so much fun. She's great company and learning so much so fast. It's extraordinary to watch.

I hate to admit that when DD was a newborn I feared I wouldn't maintain loving her as she grew up but those fears were unfounded.

I think I would suggest you talk to someone about this to try and free you up a bit to get on with things.

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