Worried I'll miss my newborn

[LondonLatoya]

I have a 2 month old at the moment. I'm not coping, mainly because I have an overwhelming worry that I will miss the newborn stage too much and will become depressed because of it. I would like another child but DH doesn't want another. I'm struggling to enjoy these moments and I just want to freeze in time.

Is this a normal feeling? I just want to get rid of it. I hate the thought that one day he won't need to put his head on my chest to sleep anymore.

I suffer with generalised anxiety and OCD which makes feelings like this quite intense.

I just love this so much.

I think I need to see the GP as I think I might have PND. Not sure though.

I do relate OP newborn days are great, when my youngest started walking it was very difficult to accept that I would have no more little baby to cuddle etc and for a while I did start to morn that period. However when my youngest was about 3, I was quite happy to move on - I got some independence back, no longer had to cart round big baby bag, be up at all hours breast-feeding / changing nappies etc. Most of all I saw there little personalities develop.

You are always going to want to freeze time. My DD is leaving Secondary this year and I cannot believe how fast it has all gone, I was probably most emotional ever when she left Primary - always sad to leave 'eras' but just think of the new exciting journeys ahead.

I have a 9 day old baby and I had a few crying sessions over this exact topic when my milk came in last week. This was supposed to be an only child, but I loved being pregnant, and I am loving motherhood so much that I have already warned DH I may want another one or two (luckily he is open to this).

In my case, my baby is tiny (born earlier than expected, and on the small side even for that gestation), so even if I do have another baby, I am acutely aware that this may be the smallest baby I ever have.

The way I dealt with my feelings last week was twofold: firstly, I vowed to ensure I take plenty of photos and videos to capture this stage of my baby's life; and secondly, I am consciously focusing on all the amazing milestones to come, and meeting the person my baby grows into. My baby is going to get older whether I want him to or not, so I need to focus on the positives so I can enjoy every moment!

If it helps, my nearly 5yo DD would fall asleep in my arms every night if I let her.

I think there’s a degree of grieving in something passing if you know you’re not going to have more children. All you can do is enjoy your baby and accept that you’re going to move into a whole new exciting phase with your children. It is bittersweet though.

I made the most of my last child’s baby stages for that reason.

Now my eldest children are grown ups and I’m quite looking forward to the idea of grandchildren in the next few years so I can cuddle a snuggly newborn again.

Why don’t you ask your partner to stop talking about the snip? Not rule it out or anything, just take it off the table for 6 months? Give you some breathing space? Sounds like a lot of your anxiety is coming from that pressure.

You still in such early days, hormones are still up and down. But I do advise to contact the health visitor and gp.

I second everyone who is saying every stage is amazing. Mine are 18 months and nearly 3! Though I wish time could slow down still...it's amazing to see the beautiful people they grow into. Playing with them. Seeing them learn everything. Watching them gaze I'm amazement at an airplane in the sky etc. It's wonderful. Every part of your babies life is wonderful. Only Time will help you understand.

Write a diary maybe? So you can read back and feel the warmth of those days again. But also see who they are becoming since then.

Also one big lesson I learned is to take each day at a time. Enjoy now. Don't worry about the future. Take photos and Just live in the moment. Take it all in and those memories and photos will help.

I felt like this when dd3 was born as I knew that was it. I took lots of pictures and wore her in a sling so we had as much cuddle time as possible, and I also tried to focus on how lovely the next stages of her life would be. I know it's so hard when you have anxiety and rational thought isn't always possible, but it also helped me to think that's she was going to grow and develop anyway so to try to make conscious decisions to enjoy the moments and accept that they would become precious memories.

Also they still want those cuddles when they grow! And it's even more wonderful I guess when they are actually choosing to come over and have a snuggle.

I don’t think what you are feeling is normal, no. It is a good step that you are seeing a GP, it must be very hard living with it.

I remember thinking with my DD exactly the same as you, I remember weeping that she was already one week old and the first week had gone already so quickly. I would only echo what PPs have said that I promise you will think your DC are at the best/cutest/most adorable stage ever! Even as a terrible two I still think its the best stage as now she can tell me a joke or say incredibly cute things. I know have a DS 14 weeks and I know ro just love each stage for what it is and look forward to all he will become x

I felt exactly like this but I have to say my DS still falls asleep in my arms at nearly 3 and still breastfeeds so you could potentially have years of that closeness if you want it. I also realised that when I missed the baby stage I missed him as a baby and the thought of having another baby wasn’t appealing. He will be an only child. I think your feelings are totally normal so try not to worry about feeling this way. Being a mother to a new born is very emotionally draining.

And I agree that every stage is a great stage. I don’t really miss the baby stage anymore as 3 year olds are more fun than babies! It’s amazing once you can talk to them and know what’s going on inside their little heads.

I think your feelings are completely normal and understandable. But as a mum of a 2.5 year old, each stage has been just as beautiful. He is currently absolutely adorable in every way and I don't wish he was still a newborn. And I say that having just found out that DH has possibly "changed his mind" about wanting DC2. But that's a topic for another thread!

I have a 14 week old and enjoying her much more now. Each week she does more, becomes more responsive, notices her toys and laughs at them. It’s great.

I think I’m the opposite, I’m constantly looking forward to the next stage, her sitting and rolling over, weaning, her eventually having a proper bedtime so we have our evenings back!

Something I wrote when my ds was about 1 I think. He's 2.5 now and I just burst with love for him, every stage has been my favourite. He also still happily lies on my chest if I ask for a cuddle. He'll also give me unprompted kisses and has started telling me he loves me.

I remember holding my newborn son curled against my chest and thinking I never wanted the newness to go away, I wanted to be able to hold him like that forever. Every time he learns something new it's an absolute joy though, I go between being excited to see his next step to wanting time to slow down so I can better savour the moment.

I can relate to this

What surprised me was each age and stage brought new and unexpected delights

I adore newborns always have but for medical reasons could only have one of my own

Mine is now 9 and it’s a joy to be able to support him in finding out about the world

He’s still cuddly and he’s still my baby (I just don’t say that out loud 🙈 as it’s not cool)

x

I thought I’d miss my newborn - but he’s not gone anywhere, he’s just turning more and more into his own little person. He’s just turned one and it’s a privilege to see him growing and learning.

Have a chat with your gp if you’re feeling down or anxious. You’re not alone and there’s things they can offer to help.

I have a 1 year old and this stage is by far my favourite so far, he interacts with me, shows me love, comes up for kisses and cuddles, laughs at me, smiles at me, and still come up and lies on me chest to snuggle when tiered. Just relax and try enjoy it! When ur wee 1 start s to look for u and smile at u you will fall more and more in love, I know it probs feels like u can't love them anymore than u already do but u do. I am writing this as my ds has lying on me watching the tv while trying to doze off for his nap. X

I was going to say the same as BeingATwat - my nearly 5yo comes in to my bed every night, puts her head on my shoulder and says “I love you lovely beautiful Mummy” before falling back asleep and taking up 75% of the bed.

OP, what others have said is very true about every stage being wonderful (and some stages being challenging too!) but if you are feeling very anxious or at all concerned you have PND then please please speak to a trusted HCP.

You should be able to enjoy your newborn without any associated negative feelings about the future. Good luck.