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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“It’s different for girls they need and want to be with their Mums”

33 replies

Soconfusedbylife · 05/01/2019 22:27

I overheard this today from an early 20’s lady talking about how she deserved to spend more time with her Mum than her boyfriend did with his Mum. I understand many Mums and their daughters are friend but as the Mother of Boys this attitude really worries me. So please share your experiences of good adult son and their mothers relationships.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 05/01/2019 22:28

And some daughters find their mothers incredibly annoying.

Eviecee · 05/01/2019 22:29

Its rubbish. Every person is different. Every parent/child relationship is different.

DioneTheDiabolist · 05/01/2019 22:30

My ma would love to see less of my brother. He's round her house at least 3 times a week on his own and a couple more times with his DC.

Eviecee · 05/01/2019 22:31

My (male) cousin has a v close relationship with his mum. Both my sisters have great and close relationships with their adult sons. My partner has a great relationship with both his parents. I can think of loads of examples. Don't worry about it.

MissMarks · 05/01/2019 22:32

I think there is some truth in it. Everyone I know sees their mum far more than their brothers do- well certainly for longer periods of time.

buckeejit · 05/01/2019 22:33

In her 20s?! At that stage it just depends on if you get on & have mutual interests I'd say

Wolfiefan · 05/01/2019 22:33

What a weird attitude! My boy is a teen but still at school. It’s lovely as he’s my boy still but I get glimpses of the man he will be. Love him to bits.
I hope he will be a happy and healthy adult who leads a wonderful and fulfilling life. I hope to stay a part of that!! We had a conversation the other day where we discussed how if he chose to live/work abroad it’d be lovely to visit him!! (Not tooooo much!!)
Sounds like that girl deals in stereotypes. Boys will be boys. Girls need their mums. It’s rubbish.

BeanTownNancy · 05/01/2019 23:08

Nah. We as a family spend more time with my MIL than my mum. The only time I want my mum over my MIL is if I'm sick - I don't want to be pathetic and demanding and whiny in front of MIL, but my mum is used to it. Grin

ShesABelter · 05/01/2019 23:09

My husband and children see and spend more time with my mil than I or we do with my mum who we basically never ever see.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/01/2019 23:35

Vast majority of adults I know in relationships/have children spend more time with the wives mother than the sons mother. Even when the mil and dil get on well.

BertandQueenieforever · 05/01/2019 23:37

My brother spends far more time with my mum than I do. Their personalities are more similar.

Babymamamama · 05/01/2019 23:39

Total generalisation. I have a dreadful relationship with my mother (who would have preferred sons). My DP (male) is devoted to his mum.

Lumene · 05/01/2019 23:42

Gendered bollocks people repeat to themselves and affirm with confirmation bias.

Original poster
Soconfusedbylife · 05/01/2019 23:45

Lots of reassuring replies thank you.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 05/01/2019 23:45

You'd think that were true from reading a lot of the threads about splitting time between parents and in laws over Xmas!

Honeyroar · 05/01/2019 23:46

Posted too soon, should've added that my stepson spends FAR more time with his mum now he's in his 20s.

UsedtobeFeckless · 05/01/2019 23:47

My DB and his partner have our Mum round for supper twice a week, this is twice a week more than we do ... Grin

HildaZelda · 05/01/2019 23:50

Could someone tell that to DH please because he's way too attached to sodding MIL Angry

Cherries101 · 05/01/2019 23:51

I think it depends on how much the son values the relationship. Yes most daughters probably do want their mums in certain situations, but that doesn’t mean she needs to go there with their DP, or that the DPcan’t similarly go and see his own mum.

PoesyCherish · 05/01/2019 23:52

And some daughters find their mothers incredibly annoying.

Yes! I'd rather gouge my own eyes out than spend a day with my Mum. My sister finds her frustrating and judgemental af. My brother on the other hand has a brilliant relationship with our Mum.

Sherbetty · 05/01/2019 23:53

I'm not close to my mum at all, DP is very close to his. We have all boys and I'm close to all of them, this will probably change once they become teenagers but right now they "need" to be around me at all times, especially when i want some peace and quiet or a trip to the toilet alone

Flamingo30 · 05/01/2019 23:54

Although I am closer to my mum than my brother my husband has a lovely relationship with his mum who moved to live close to us. She often comes for Sunday dinner or just pops in. He also will pop in to see her regularly or phone to see how she is. He sees her and talks to her far more than his sister.

Original poster
Soconfusedbylife · 05/01/2019 23:55

Honeyroar that was my fear. So many threads about awful MIL and men being weird giving their mum a cuddle. I know some are a bit extreme but it’s good to know I’m not necessarily doomed.

OP posts:
abacucat · 06/01/2019 00:11

I am in my late 60's. When I was younger I think whether daughters or sons spent most time with their mums varied depending on the relationship, not the sex of the adult child. But when parents get very old and need help, it is almost always the daughters who do the work to make sure their parents are okay. There are exceptions of course where it is the son who steps up, but far more commonly the daughter.

NewYorkDoll3 · 06/01/2019 00:12

Obviously varies, but IME, daughters do spend more time with their mother than their boyfriends (or brothers) do with theirs. Sons tend to not do much for their mothers either, and the daughters do more to help the,...... And they tend to grow closer (to their mother) when kids come along.

Doesn't mean the boys never bother with their parents, but the maternal grandparents will usually see the grandkids more.

In addition, I know around half a dozen women with 2-4 boys, and they struggle to even get a birthday card on their birthday. But the daughters actually arrange a meal out with their mother, buy flowers, and spend time with her.

One of the benefits of having daughters. Women with sons only will disagree obviously.