Godparents

[Likeforlike]

It’s not a huge issue between DH and I but I’d just like to sound you all out..

We’re planning DD christening. I’m christened but DH isn’t, we’re having the service at the same church we were married in.

We’ve chosen my brother and his wife and my female cousin. We’re extremely close to all 3 and they dote on DD. I’m sure they’ll really like to be asked. DH absolutely wants them as godparents.

I suggested that we also ask his brother (I suppose to balance it out, I don’t like to push his family out so to speak). He and DH are chalk and cheese and get on but only in a polite sense. His family are generally quite reserved and don’t have such a need to be close as a family although I am fond of them.

DH has suggested that it seems “a bit rude” to not ask his brothers girlfriend who we’ve met twice. She quite a bit younger than his brother but acts much older if that makes sense. They’ve only been together a year and I just don’t know her very well at all. To me it would cheapen the gesture as I want my baby christened for the right reasons if that makes sense.

I said that we don’t have to have her too and it isn’t rude. He said we can talk about it later (he’s travelling for work and needed to leave tonight). I really don’t want her. She’s not particularly friendly when we meet (on the rare occasion that we do) and it would feel weird having her tbh. His brother isn’t even christened himself which may pose a problem but that’s neither here nor there.

Surely people don’t chooose godparents to not offend someone?! Just want to sound you out to check I’m not being uptight and totally unreasonable.

But you are only asking his brother just to balance it out? I can see where you're coming from, but then just don't have the brother either

Traditionally for a girl it’s 1 godfather and 2 godmothers so stick to your original three and cite tradition if asked. Saves hassle all round.

No way would I have this woman.

But I wouldn't have the brother either if he and H aren't close. What's the point?

Leave it as a vacancy for the future? Or have MIL/FIL?

If you are CofE the godparents really do all need to have been baptized themselves - it was the only point our vicar was strict on - so your DH's brother won't be eligible, and you can just stick to your original 3 godparent plan!

I agree with @ShaggyRug

I feel the same re: having the brother. But DH feels it looks like a snub on his family. He never sees his family unless I initiate something but he’s always wary about ‘offending’ even though they wouldn’t say so.

Oh yes, the godparents hace to be vaporised themselves. This usually eliminates a few candidates!

If the brother isn't baptised he can't be a Godparent so it's a non issue.

Fwiw I completely agree with you though.

I think its always a risk to ask any newish partner of a sibling. If they dont stay together DD might had an absent godparent.

P.S.There is loads of other useful info on this website:

churchofenglandchristenings.org

Congratulations on your DD, and I hope the christening goes well!

Vaporized

Am I missing something? I thought godparents were something deeply spiritual, not a tit for tat game!

Ha, thanks ladies, that is what I thought actually!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to push his family out but I don’t want to just have people for the sake of it.

I would absolutely not have this woman. I'd stick with your original choices and forget the brother too. Our DS has 4 godparents. My 2 cousins and 2 close friends. They are all from my side of the family/my friends, but DH agreed they were the best choices and was in total agreement. Even though we get on with his DB and DS, in terms of godparent duties we felt our original selection was the most sensible. HTH.

Vaporised!
Fantastic autocorrect on my phone’s behalf!

No way, you don't know her plus 5 godparents? It will look like a circus.

Honestly if I was her I'd feel more awkward about bring asked!

Love vaporised.
I have been asked several times but have politely declined being an unbaptised atheist. Surely the brother will do the same?

I’d be seriously weirded out if someone I’d met twice asked me to be godmother.

DH was asked to be godfather to his sister’s dc1, as she said we’d both been very supportive when she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant. DH and I were engaged at the time, but we’d only been together about a year, so there was no way I was put out that she was only asking her brother!

Penny - that’s such a good point! It would be weird wouldn’t it! I would find it odd if she asked me.

Thanks everyone.

I am a godmother to my friends little boy, my dh is a godfather to his friends little girl, neither of us were offended or gave it any thought that we weren't asked together for the same child

To me it would cheapen the gesture as I want my baby christened for the right reasons
The right reasons? Yet no mention of the potential Godparents belief in God?

Is it usual to have close relatives as godparents? Your brother and his wife are already your DD's uncle and aunt - their relationship is already cemented. My godparents - and those of everyone I can immediately think of, plus my godchildren are not family members - they are special "chosen" relationships which sit outside that.

Polly - that’s my point. He would be the only one who didn’t.

No I wouldn't chose a fairly new partner to be a Godparent as you don't know if the relationship will last.
When we had DD1 christened we chose one of my DSis's, one of my DH's long-standing friends & one of my/our best friends & her husband. We found out later that best friend's DH hadn't been christened.
I know of several Godparents that haven't been christened themselves, depends on the Vicar asking the question beforehand I suppose.

Also worth noting that some churches (not all) request a limit to godparents so you could always use that as a reason too.