AIBU to ask if you would have done anything differenty BEFORE having children?

[Cakeandbake229]

Came up in conversation with a close friend over coffee today!

I do not have dc but friend with dc wished that she would have fixed the relationship with her family before getting pregnant and also started a savings pot earlier!

On this flip side had i waited for Mr Right i wouldn't have any children which for me would be terrible.

Sleep. Sleep all day. Sleep all night. Nap.

We haven’t had kids yet so watching with interest.

I’m 30 now and married, and already wishing I’d been more serious about my career and had more of a sense of urgency to get up the ladder as I could be earning much more by now.

We have bought a house though and we’re v proud of that.

I keep saying to my husband that we need to get paid more and get promoted, as well as do some more travel before having kids.

He doesn’t seem to have the same sense of urgency as me, he says there’s ‘plenty of time’ for that but I don’t think he realises we won’t have the money or time for big trips once children are born and won’t have as much time for our careers. Plus as a woman I am quite cynical - a lot of the women in my office are sidelined for being ‘part timers’ no matter how hard they work and don’t get promoted. I am already concerned about my work because as soon as I got married my boss asked my colleague if I was planning to get pregnant and I worry he’s not bothering to promote me.

Ps. Sorry to hijack the thread with middle of night ramble!

Waaaaay more pelvic floor exercises!

travelled for sure. and fostered better girl friends who came with me as my DH was a homeboy.

Travel. Due to infertility, we did actually do a lot of travel (Egypt and Morocco were trips we did during this time). I regret at our honeymoon we didn’t go to South America. We spent three weeks in Mexico and then DH got a great job offer so we went back to the UK (we are not from the U.K.)

we had children ‘later’ and subsequently had a decent deposit to buy a house once we decided what country to live in. So if possible, I’d say buy a house. perhaps have a pension. You’ll probably never have so much money again!

Get into a system of organising online photos... this has definitely passed me by, not helped by changing technology since having my first dc 13 years ago.

Enjoy eating out and doing nice things. When you can’t do them anymore, or it all seems like such an effort, you’ll be glad you’ve already done it. Due to not returning to our home country, we have had no family support and now have 4 dc, two with ASD. We do I it all on our own. Threads about GP not helping out with childcare truly surprise me!

Oh, have a degree or ‘something to fall back on’ work wise. As above, things never turn out the way you intend. Due to disabilities, losing a child, changing what we planned in life, I didn’t work for a long time and have fallen back on something. It fits in well with our lives, which are largely dominated by supporting our dc. Having spent a long time travelling and doing things I like, I don’t regret/begrudge anything.

Encouraged DH to have a vasectomy

I wish I’d spent a couple of extra years on my sport. It’s hard to get back to the level I was at before (both due to time and changes in body)

Also wish I’d actually spent time with some babies and talked to mums realistically about sleep, breastfeeding etc. so that I had an inkling of what I was letting myself in for.

I just wish id appreciated my freedom more. And sleep. I miss sleep.

Ds is 2 and theres no way we'll be having any more

Lie in at the weekends !!!!!! I used to get up early before kids.

I spent loads of money didn’t save and had fun shopping for clothes bags shoes drinks food out and actually I don’t regret that as it won’t hapoen ever again!

I'd say don't wait

When ds just turned 1, I became ill and got diagnosed with ms

It really put things into perspective for me. I can't walk far, run with him, do many things that I'd taken for granted. I had to give up work too

There's always a reason to wait but if I could go back I'd have had children earlier

I was totally financially naive and would have wanted crucial paperwork done and far more ducks in a row than i had.

I had DD at 26, she was unplanned with my ex who I had been with for only 6 months (we split when DD was 18 months old). I love her dearly but I wish I did not have her so young, I was the first in my friend group to have a baby.

So I would certainly spent more time socialising rather than focusing on career, I had no savings (or my own house) so I wished I did not spend on frivolously on stupid shit and be more financially stable.

I would not have had a big of age gap, I waited a long time to have DC with my DH, there is now 10 years between DD and DS2. That has caused all sorts of problems.

I also wished I gave more time to sport prior to having her, I have since had two more DC and I am lucky to make it to the gym twice a week.

I definitely agree with previous poster about buying more second hand baby things, their prices new are extortionate! A baby doesn’t know or care if their cot, ( excluding mattress of course) pram etc are new and shiny but they will certainly appreciate financial help when they get older.

No. Honestly nothing I can think of.

I have to say though that I am glad I had DS in my twenties as I have a lot of energy and will hopefully continue to do so his entire childhood. I am also able to start a new career in my 30s without worrying about taking maternity leave etc. I will be 45 when DS is 18 and DH will be 42. We plan to do loads of travelling :)

Maybe a bit more adventurous travel.

I can’t really think of specific things I’d have done as I’m fairly happy with how my life has been so far, but I would have liked to have realised how much free time I had and enjoyed the freedom and opportunity of time in whatever way I could have at the time (if that makes sense!).

We did all the career and travel thingd but looking back I'd have started trying sooner. I thought it would be easy, but leaving it until my mid 30s left is struggling. We were lucky with ivf but I'd love a sibling. Fertlity declines quicker than I realised.

I had children in my mid to late 30s. I'm glad I had 20 years of fun, partying hard, travelling etc. I certainly got all that out of my system. At the same time I wish I'd been more sensible, established a career, saved more money.

Travel! Definitely travel more, it's possible with young DC but so much more difficult, especially if your little one(s) don't sleep very well in a new environment.

I wish I'd got fitter earlier. I only really got into exercise in my very late 20s/early 30s then had DS at 34 so never got as far as doing the half marathon I wanted to do. By the time DC 2 is born and old enough for me to start seriously getting back into it again I'll be 40+ with the toll 2 children and at least one caesarean takes on your body.

But regret can be a dangerous thing to indulge in. You wish you did/didn't do all these things but you didn't/did, you can't change the past.

Why is 3-4 considered late to start football/riding bikes, pp whose name I can't recall? DS is just turned 3, he's not started riding bikes yet and while he can kick a football and run around, he's not doing it as 'football' yet. Just wondered what the rush is?

I had my kids young at 18 and 20.
At 38, my youngest will be 18 and that's when I intend to really start living!! First stop - explore the UK totally, visit waterfalls, walk, see historic houses. I've started on that already...it also means whilst we have the dogs we can take them with us.
Then when we don't have the dogs I can go overseas and explore.
My job means I can work anywhere with an internet connection although my husband can't so my priorities for preparing for after living at home kids as opposed to before kids is:
Sell husbands business so he doesn't have to work and can live off money
Do not get more dogs, no matter how cute they are, their sob story or how much my husband begs

Gained a better idea of how hard having DC would be.
Travelled more.
Established a career and savings pot.

I wouldn’t do anything differently really! In a perfect world I’d like to have more career skills to fall back on, but I spent a few years dossing about all over the world and then had my first at 22, so no time to get a decent career foundation established. The flip side is that I’ll have only be early 30s when my youngest goes to school, so (hopefully!) time to do something substantial then.
I changed a lot after children though - so much more motivated, so much more time-efficient - and I do wish I’d had more of those qualities pre-kids. I’d have got a lot more done with my time!

Calculated exact childcare costs
Travelled more although we do now travel a lot so is ok
Finished my education as still struggling through it
Saved more but tbh have generally stated financially secure but can’t harm to have as much money available as possible as I’ve found dc cost a lot