To think

[Wotter]

What do you do when another grandchild is born and treated very differently from your kids (who were previously the only grandchildren).

The new grandchild was looked after by in-laws when parents returned to work, and continues to be looked after on a permanent part time basis. They also babysit the child on weekends. Take the child places. Have toys in their house that are only for said child.

Yes we have asked for occasional babysitting, the answer is always no. We didn't ask for regular care (we both work) as it was made very clear to us that they would never do this.

I don't want or need the same level as "help". Yes I would love ad hoc babysitting. But I would most like my kids to have grandparents that are invested in them and want to see them and take them places.

Would you address it? Is it even worth it..?

Sorry my title cut off and I don't know how to fix it...

Sorry my title cut off and I don't know how to fix it...

Report your own post and ask MNHQ to fix the title to something you want.

It usually isn't worth a dressing. I've known people who've had complete showdowns, but nothing has changed.

Is this Maternal or Paternal GPs and is the new GC the Daughter's baby?

As a child I had one set of grandparents that treated me differently to all the other GC (I was the only girl so I think this is why) it honestly never bothered me and as an adult I find it quite funny. You can't make people want to spend time with your children so as sad as it is for you I would try not give it any headspace.

Depends how far it goes. In my case, being the child, it became obvious who was favoured and who wasn't and became distressing to me.

What's your relationship like with them? Do you have any ideas why they'd behave like this?

If I brought it up I assume I'll be told that this family "needs" help more than our family.

Are the other children their daughters children and your children their sons?

@Birdsgottafly yep the daughters baby, how did you guess?

I understand that grandparents are often closer to their daughters children, but I don't see why it has to be all or nothing. Surely they can share the love around just a fraction for my children.

@SPR1107 yes

Honestly? Test the water, if they don't acknowledge it and try to make amends, then I'd withdraw. Not NC or even LC, just pull back. And whenever they're old and need you, do sweet fuck all for them.

@GreatDuckCookery our relationship was great till this new baby arrived and things changed and now I'm not so friendly to be honest.

I had the first dgc. When sil had a dc a year later we were very dumped.
Was blatantly obvious as fil was never seen without sil's pram.
They never ever babysat for us.
When we moved they had 2x dc overnight from 10pm to 7 am as the beds weren't up. We did the actual move with the dc in tow.
Visits to them became twice a week for an hour each as that's all sil would agree not to be there. Her dc cleared 'owned' dgps and mine were the imposters. Dh would never pull them up on it.
Retreat is my advice . Don't let your dc see the differences.

@joanmcc you can bet your bottom dollar that we will be the ones called upon when they are old... ha.

My dd paternal gp rarely see her, but have their maternal gc every weekend/holidays etc. You can't force gp but long runs the hare is what I always say......

@Santaisfastasleepatlast that's so sad. I guess your children don't have much of a relationship with their cousins then?

I'd feel sad for them that they are choosing to miss out on a relationship with my wonderful child. Nothing more.

you can bet your bottom dollar that we will be the ones called upon when they are old... ha.

It's up to you whether you say explicitly "if you're giving them the most help now, you should expect the most help from them later", or just make a private, but either way the only person who can stop you being a mug is you. I understand you're not "entitled" to their help, but that is definitely a 2 way thing.

@EssentialHummus what would you say to the kids when they ask why the don't see the grandparents much anymore?

My SIL gets more help than us. Because she is closer to MIL (her mother).

My MIL loves all of her grandchildren and will help if we ask. But my SIL has 2 children close in age and imagine she needs the break more. My MIL will feel comfortable offering and SIL more comfortable asking.

Does the family need more help? Are they less able to afford childcare? Are they struggling?

should say "or just make a private resolution"

If your children are missing grandparents arrange to see them, doesn't have to be for babysitting you can just visit.

"what would you say to the kids when they ask why the don't see the grandparents much anymore?"

Depends how old really, but if they are not used to a lot of contact they won't expect it (however sad that sounds).

Only 1 out of 4 d sees the dgp or cousins as an adult. We have been divorced for many years and they are lovely to me in a way they def weren't when we were together. Like they have rewritten the past.
Very odd tbh.

@LL83
I think we would be about equal financially. I don't see them struggling with their workload but maybe there are things I'm not aware of.

I'm not asking for the same about of childcare. I would honestly like just occasionally care so I could attend a Christmas party with my husband or something like that.