To think

[Wotter]

What do you do when another grandchild is born and treated very differently from your kids (who were previously the only grandchildren).

The new grandchild was looked after by in-laws when parents returned to work, and continues to be looked after on a permanent part time basis. They also babysit the child on weekends. Take the child places. Have toys in their house that are only for said child.

Yes we have asked for occasional babysitting, the answer is always no. We didn't ask for regular care (we both work) as it was made very clear to us that they would never do this.

I don't want or need the same level as "help". Yes I would love ad hoc babysitting. But I would most like my kids to have grandparents that are invested in them and want to see them and take them places.

Would you address it? Is it even worth it..?

@LL83 the thing is, they are often out with the other grandchild on weekends etc so they are very less available to visit.

My paternal grandparents favoured their daughter’s children over us.

My parents made sure we visited them but our relationship wasn’t what you’d call close.

When they needed additional care and assistance in their last days, it was my parents who stepped up.

It was unfair but my Dad has a peaceful conscience knowing he did the right thing for his parents.

My Mother expressed resentment against my grandparents, my aunt and my cousins throughout my childhood. I never found it helpful.

Understandable- yes.
Helpful to me trying to build a relationship with my Dad’s family - no.

My Mum still resentful of my Aunt and my cousins - it was never their fault.

I'm honest with my children. If DGPs don't make the effort with my kids I tell the kids that. Children aren't stupid. They'll eventually be well aware that they're shoved aside for their cousins.
Don't make the effort again. You're not losing out, in fact, I think it would be mean to force a relationship where your kids aren't really wanted that much.

My DSis (think Little house on the prairie Nellie) was indulged by my parents. She's always been the clear favourite and I was (and still am) the black sheep for absolutely no reason at all.
Paternal Gran saw this and treated me, perhaps a little better than my DSis. It was noticed and DSis hated going there and I think everyone was wrong. DSis hated going but DPs made her. I hated that there were favoured children at all. I wasn't even 8 and I could see how shit it was when everyone was treated differently.

My in laws have/will reap what they have sown...

DSIL dumped MIL as her friend once she got together with her new partner when she was about 40.

PILs still didn't dare move a bit nearer us as she wouldn't like it (but she rarely visits) so in their old years DH can't help them as he doesn't drive and it's inaccessible by public transport and it is a hideous journey from us by car or any other way...

SIL won't even drive to them despite it being 1.5 hours whereas we are a minimum of 3.5 hours away.

SIL got all the childcare and financial help ( we all lived within a mile of each other DC at the same school!) DH fed up of them always saying no, he can't be arsed with them and their favouritism anymore 🤷🏽‍♀️

Please DONT be the old age carer for your in laws. If your DH wants to do his bit, fine, but let your contribution be little more than phone calls to DSIL to tell her what needs done, "You mum needs to go shopping, She wants to go on Thursday", "Don't forget your dad's opticians appointment next week." Etc. If they argue, give them their own babysitting refusal excuses back, word for word if possible.