People who say 'that should be ok' and 'I'll try'

[AnotherBeautifulDayToBeRogelio]

An ex boss of mine used to do this. Say for example I asked him if I could go to the dentist and make the time up, or that I wanted to book certain dates for a holiday, he'd always reply 'that should be ok'. He would never ever just give me a straight yes or no, so I was always on the back foot not knowing if I could go ahead and book the dentist appointment (or book the holiday or whatever). He was the sort of awful person who had a massively inflated sense of his own importance though (he once said he wished flights were more expensive so that poor people couldn't go on planes and spoil the experience for him) so I always thought the 'it should be ok' was his way of making himself feel in charge of me.

Now I've noticed my husband does the same thing. If for example I tell him I have to work late on a certain day and can he start tea, he'll say 'it should be ok'. Or if I ask him to pick something up in his lunch break (he works in a town centre and always wanders round the shops every lunch break, so it's not like I'm putting him out) he'll say 'I'll try'. Same as my ex boss - it's never a straight yes or no.

I don't know if I'm sensitive because of my ex boss, so this is a particular 'thing' with me. For full disclosure, my husband comes from a family of emotional abusers and he has a history of gaslighting and stonewalling me. He's worked on this through therapy and has actually stopped gaslighting/stonewalling now. But I can't help feel this is ingrained into his character and the 'I'll try' and 'it should be ok' are small ways of still having the upper hand without overtly gaslighting me. Or am I over sensitive?

Ha, I think we are guilty as hell of over thinking here
I think it very much depends on how different our lives are. My parents used to be like me. Now they are retired, they always want to agree plans months in advance. The thing is their lives are defined by planning to fill their lives whereas mine is planning to not over do things.

I never know how I'll feel on weekend days. Some days I wake up full of beans wa ting to make the best of them and pack as much in. Other times I just wake up utterly knackered and all I want to do is rest. Planning a couple of weeks ahead is fine because I know its coming. Planning at the last minutecis fine too because I can then say yes or. O. Planning the day or so before is my pet hate, also because I'm dependent on what my kids and OH do and as we're all very busy, I don't always know their plans the day before to act accordingly.

Used to have a customer who said every day "all being well" in response to "see you tomorrow"

People used to say 'God willing', meaning the same thing. Or in writing, DV, short for Deo volente, which is Latin for God willing. 'See you Wednesday, DV.'

Some people plan everything, some dont, but just go with the flow. I think either is fine as long as people are clear. It's ok to make a provisional arrangement and confirm later, it's also ok to say I can't promise which allows people to make other plans.
It's not ok to say yes and let people down, though of course sometimes health or other issues may intervene.

If someone has a specific reason why they can't commit, like an illness that can suddenly have a downturn that's completely different.

People asking favours all the time might be annoying but you can say no. Or I'll get back to you by x date. I don't really ask people for favours at all.

Should be ok sounds positive to me. But it would get on my nerves.

Dh does 'if you like' too ChanklyBore and it drives me mad.
I hear it as a martyred - 'I will suffer through but would rather be doing/watching/eating something else'.

Bear in mind there are lots of reasons for people being a bit vague when asked to make appointments/plans, not all of which are any of your business. Some people have physical or mental health problems which make it difficult to predict what they will be able to do on any given day - and they might not want to share that information because they are already up to their tits in people who think they should pull themselves together, or won't stop offering useless woo-remedies or whatever. Some people have a family member with an unpredictable health condition.

And some of us have jobs that we know are likely to involve being yanked in to work at very short notice - or we only get the weekly rota a week in advance or something.