I really hate my neighbour

[whatamidoingwithmylife]

More of a grumble than anything but I really bloody hate her. I know I'm not being unreasonable to think that she should act like a grown up and consider other people's feelings and lives. She expects me to knock on her door at anywhere between 2 and 5am to tell her she's being too noisy/drunk/smashing up the house cos she's had a 'bad day'.

She knows I go to work about 5am every weekday yet is slamming doors so hard they shake my bed on the opposite side of the house from her front door at anywhere up to 2am regularly. How her kids sleep through it is beyond me. There's screaming and shouting at all hours, banging against my wall, kids screaming, dog barking/howling, music playing, police knocking on my door when neighbours have called them about her noise when she's screaming on the street during arguments with her ex partner.

Every Friday and Saturday night I dread as I know she'll keep me up til all hours as she 'lets her hair down' despite doing fuck all the whole week. If she worked I could understand her needing it. Somehow I think being in a dressing gown by 4pm getting pissed doesn't really constitute work or needing a break.

Her kids are awful because she's a terrible mother, screaming and swearing at them constantly. They've lived there less than a year and I'm at the end of my tether already. I feel like my only option is to move but why should I be pushed out of my own house after 13yrs here? I'm loath to keep reporting her to the council (hers is a council house) or the police because when I do sell up I will have to declare the issues I've had with her. I'm also worried I could get much worse (alcoholics lived there for a year before she did).

This isn't every day but sometimes can be several times a week. My anxiety has suffered badly since she's lived there and my OH hates her as he's usually the one that has to bang on her door and inform her it's 3am so she should shut the fuck up. He's stopped staying over as it interferes too much with his sleep (which he needs for his job with emergency services - someone could actually die because he's too knackered).

I pray for bad weather to keep them out of the garden drunkenly screaming and shouting until 2am every night. This past warm summer pushed me to my limit. She even has the cheek to complain I close my windows too loudly when she's shouting round the garden in the early hours.

Fingers crossed for a lottery win so I can afford to move away. Or have her bumped off

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect quiet enjoyment of your property. These types should all be housed together on one hellish estate away from normal decent people. It really affects your quality of life and health living next door to cretins. Sorry hand wringers but my compassion drained away after living next door to them. Yours would too.

How long has she been there? If her tenancy will be reviewed after 2 years surely complaining is the quickest way to get rid of her?

I can sympathise here, it sounds like a nightmare.
I have a nightmare neighbour but I have the opposite problem. My neighbour makes constant complaints to housing association, environmental health, fraud investigation and social services. This has been going on for 5 years now and they have never had a shred of evidence despite all her claims, sound equipment and adhoc visits as I'm not doing anything wrong. I've tried to talk to her but she just says she doesn't want children living next door so will do what ever it takes to get us evicted. I know I wont lose my home as there is no evidence backing her up but the Co stant accusations, letters and visits have taken their toll. I ended up having to give up my job and law degree due to stress and anxiety and for a while was on anti depressants. I tried phoning the police for harassment (at the insistence of the 3rd social worker who said they were wasting their time) but she contacted a solicitor saying I was harrasing her by phoning the police because of her harassment. I have spoken to cab and police, housing officer and council begging for help but just get told there is nothing I can do as they have to investigate every claim.

I live in a small village and moved here to be near my mum as she is the only support I have so do not want to move, the children are settled in school and nursery and don't want to disrupt their routines because of this. I have never been nasty or confrontational with her. I was told by housing to write her letter telling her how her actions affect me, she just took all the negative and phoned social services saying because I was on anti depressants this made me an unfit mother. I baked her cake in the past and invited her for a cuppa but this just resulted in yet more complaints. I have no idea what to do anymore. I've removed all devices that play music, got rid of my food processor, don't hoover after 5pm, moved furniture an inch from the walls to stop any banging, the kids don't wear shoes in the house and I bought thicker rugs curtains and throws to try an dampen any noise but nothing seems to be enough for her

Exhaustedmummy it sounds a nightmare. Actually, I'd probably stop pandering to her as that clearly hasn't worked. Why should you not be able to listen to music at a reasonable time and volume or use your food processor? Just crack on and live your life as any decent neighbour would. If your property is big enough for children, even if you are moved, who does she think is likely to move in? Better the devil you know....

OP, if you are not getting any joy with council departments, use your local councillor. Mine responds very quickly to email and is brilliant at putting a rocket under the right council department. Think of yourself as the rusty gate that keeps squeaking and squealing. Make polite but consistent noise and the council will prioritise you, if only to shut you up. Keep your email factual with dates if you have them and the advice you have been given. Ask them what else you could do. They will no doubt be looking for your vote soon enough; make them earn it!

@melbacfan environmental health have told me no music (I'm not even allowed to sing this one of the things she complained about because I did it ONCE while hanging out the washing) the children aren't allowed lego incase they tip the box up and they have to wear 'their tiptoe shoes' indoors! Those exact words were said to me, I almost laughed at her but apparently that's what her children are told.
The walls here are very thin (new build properties we are the first people to live here) I can hear her pulling chairs out, putting plates in the cupboard and her son crashing around most nights (he is severely disabled so have never complained about this) and yes 3 bed properties so she will definitely get another family if we were to move. She has even put in complaints because I used the street to do an Easter egg hunt and to teach my son to ride his bike (another thing my children aren't allowed to do as according to housing association it could be a safety risk) I have to send my kids to my mums if they want to ride their bikes. I try to ignore it as best I can but I feel like I have to restrict my children's activities and constantly tell them to be quiet because of it all

*@exhausedmummy*surely you're entitled to reasonable noise levels between 7am to 11 pm? Nobody can expect children to be quiet all day. Also kitchen gadgets and hoovering is just everyday noise? You're entitled to enjoy your own home.
We have a oldish moany NDN who we tried to keep quiet for but we re done with that now after he randomly plays Bruno mars at 1.30 am for 30 minutes (just enough to wake me up and get fuming) so we don't care.
He has to put up with us (council tenants) unless he sells and goes.
We re not doing anything excessive just sitting in the garden on long summer evenings with a few drinks and occasionally having music on.
He once had a go at dd15 about listening to music at 3pm because he was trying to work from home. I reported that to the council before he could and they said it was fine at 3pm.
I think some people would just be happy if there was no social housing or families next door.
You should not have to creep around like mice.

If she is a council tenant you actually have a better chance of getting rid of her than otherwise. Most councils have an antisocial behaviour clause in the tenancy. I understand your reluctance if you want to sell, but if you want to stay report her. If she is moved on the complaint will be a closed one anyway

My dad's street is a bit like yours OP. It used to have a bad reputation back in the 80s, then in the 90s people started to buy up their council houses and everything was quiet and nice.
Then the home owners moved away or died and no one wanted to buy the homes, so they all went to housing associations.
Now the whole street has gone back to it's old ways as it seems that only troubled families get housed there.
My dad wants to move, but no one wants to buy and housing associations will only pay the very lowest prices.
So he's stuck in a horrible street, surrounded by druggies and layabouts.

@exausedmummy That sounds like a nightmare. She will never give up until you move out. Stop trying to pander to her.
Just ignore. She'll slip up one day and get arrested!

Do you live in the house I used to? Although, for us it was throughout the week too. We did ring environmental health, the police etc. We had a newborn too and she just didn’t care. SS didn’t care either when we called as they were already receiving support and we just had to deal with it. The house they lived in was privately rented and the landlord didn’t care as he received the money every month.
In the end we moved and so had everyone else within 6 months of living there

@recklessruby when the complaints first started the housing association and council kind of said the same sort of things but after 5 years of atleast 2 complaints a week they have become exasperated with the situation, so rather than talk to her about her behaviour (she is more stand offish and will get shouty when confronted, where I have always been relaxed and quick to please) they just started giving 'advice' of try and keep her happy and if I said that was unfair they told well if they found the smallest amount of noise on an adhoc visit they would stop me renewing my tenancy. That was enough to scare me into going to extremes to keep the situation as small as possible or I could lose my home. I'm not sure what the rules are surrounding this kind of thing and I get the impression they would rather push for me to leave than her. I'm a single parent but she is from an influential background and money with a disabled ds and they seem to be more bothered about her wellbeing than ours

Iv changed my name to post on here..

I live in a housing association house, we work have a well behaved DD and are quiet individuals, but we get 'tarred with the same brush' as the rest of them, not horrible people but when they argue they scream the street down.. I had a neighbour knock on once bleeding everywhere with a busted nose, took her in cleaned her up she went running back to her partner the next day.... after that I rang the police when it happened and told them there was a child involved they soon stopped after being referred to SS. The worst thing about living in a HA property is the smell of weed at night .... may i add we live on a road were the houses are £280,000-£350,000 to buy, and we even have a footballer renting his home out at the end of the road so other than the 10 HA property's everyone else is 'well of'

I cant wait to buy a house and move

I feel you OP, our last house when in a quiet cul de sac in the next village 1 mile along the road from where we live now

When we first moved in it was lovely and quiet, lots of elderly or families that all knew each other and kids got along etc then people died or moved away and then it changed to people like who you are living next door to

Their kids didn’t get along with kids already there, rode their bikes into the sides of people’s cars etc, parents don’t care one jot but you dare say anything to the kids and they are at your door shouting and screaming. Fighting as well one couple always out the front of their house punching each other (man and woman), one day I came home from work and they were outside and she was punching him! My stress levels were through the roof eventually

Then there was the dogs from a ‘well to do’ older couple who moved in they barked all the time and were always getting out shitting everywhere etc and their cats god knows what they were feeding them but I would catch them in
My garden and it was always really watery poo

So we moved back to the village where I grew up and the only neighbour is 80 odd year old and deaf as out which is probably why we hear his dog barking for hours at 11 at night and early in the morning which is really irritating, thank fully it’s not every night or I’d have to have a word with him but would still rather that than the questionable characters in my last area

Also I’m glad we moved when we did as it’s just the same, have friends who live there and there are police up all the time, fighting still, mothers shouting and swearing and getting people round for fights when the kids are watching and yet these mothers think they are the best thing since sliced bread! They also don’t work!

I agree with others - keep complaining to the housing association or council management. It is very important to keep a record - say over 2-3 month period? HAs do have nuisance behaviour clauses and they can be evicted for this. The new, shorter tenancies will also impact on these complete selfish jerks, with their dangerous dogs, constant drugs, noise, workshy, selfish, shit behaviour!

I'm a single parent and live on a HA estate and we always have these issues - with ignorant and selfish twats who have never worked and never had to consider other people - often cradle to grave benefits.

Also, calling the police helps with outrageous behaviour. Looks bad on their "tenancy" record when the police are called for fights and disturbances. On our estate, with one such family, they only stopped after one such police intervention, since then not a peep. I, and others, informed the HA, and I think they might have taken a stronger line as a result.

The only problem I see is the "having to report it if you want to sell your home". This is stopping people dealing correctly with anti social behaviour. I think this should be stopped, as its having an impact on people dealing with it. Instead of these people being dealt with, people just wait it out (for them to move) or sell up.

Anyway, good luck OP. Its awful, but keep toughing it out. It might even be worth having a proper, long, honest "chat" with the Housing Association - as well as leaving a paper trail, keeping notes and dates etc. The combination is both the human and the legal issues then.

I wish HAs would get tough with these anti-social bastards, I really do. But its actually quite hard to evict people. Not renewing their tenancies is the new way to go - but how many councils are prepared to do that, I suspect most of them are toothless.

Could you have perhaps tried harder to make up mention more ridiculous stereotypes?

You're wrong. It is not a council house. Your ignorance of social housing leads me to believe you may be experiencing flames from those pants that are in quite the twist.

I live on a Housing Association estate, and most of those "stereotypes" are true.

OP, you have my full sympathy - been through similar. Some people are just selfish twunts and won't change.

It's torture- even when they're quiet you're waiting on tenterhooks for the racket to start. Ours had one of those bed/tv hybrid monstrosities with massive speakers in her bedroom (which mirrored ours) and would put it on full volume all night. Any attempts at discourse resulted in us being told to fuck off, etc.

We moved without ever logging anything with police/council, knowing full well that if we did we'd have to declare it when selling. It felt dishonest but DH and I agreed that if potential buyers asked we'd tell the truth. If you're in a position to move, I would. If not, then start keeping logs and report as PP have suggested. You can't continue living like this.

@MESSING2 I know what you mean about being on tenterhooks - you know it will start any minute so you tend to listen out for it.

I'm going away for a week in a few days time so the peace and quiet will be bliss. But the entire time I'll be worried that she'll do something stupid like burn the house down (she already almost did this a few months ago).

Oh God I've just remembered, mine also had an ex who used to hammer on her door at night and I was constantly in fear of him burning the house down. Enjoy your week away, OP.