Babies sleeping through the night

[coffeeforone]

I truly believe that how many weeks/months/years it takes for a baby to start sleeping through the night is out of the parents' control, every baby is different and they will sleep through in their own time. Night wakings can't be controlled, aside from making sure baby has enough milk/stimulation in the day and hoping for the best it's basically the luck of the draw!

DH however thinks that, medical reasons aside, almost all babies are able to sleep though the night after the newborn stage, and they if they don't, it's because of something the parents are doing/not doing (though of course he is unable to pinpoint these magic actions/inactions).

Who do you think is BU?

I fully expected wake ups up until 6 months old. After that I gradually reduced milk volume in the night and ds slept through from 8 months old

I think it's a bit of both, there is some luck involved - some babies are just better sleepers, but there are also some parents who make it much worse than it needs to be.

YANBU. Luck of the draw. Believing otherwise just makes sleep deprived new parents feel like failures and is totally unhelpful.

I was a brilliant baby for sleeping . Little bro never slept for more than an hour until he was 4 same parenting just can’t control it. He is still a very poor sleeper at 33 whereas I could sleep on a bed of nails.

Luck, luck and more luck. Wish I’d have known that before instead of thinking I could do things to make mine sleep through the night. Wasted a lot of time and energy!

Loads of things you can do to help a D.C. sleep, there will be some for whom it won’t work.

Well I had one who slept 10-7 at 9 weeks and other who was 3.5 years. It is what it is. I probably could have done more to get the last one to sleep, but I didn't do anything to make her dreadful.

My eldest was happy sleeping on her back. I think that made a massive difference. In days of old she may have been a poor sleeper if she was put down on her front.

I’m with you. Of course there are a few things parents can do but I think there are too many messages out there that make parents feel it’s all down to them.

Your DH is wrong.

I tried everything with my first except for CIO. No reliable sleeps through for 3 years.

Second baby liked the swaddle and slept 10 hours until 4 months. Stopped as soon as the swaddle stopped. Suddenly started sleeping again this week after 6 months of hell to be frank.

It’s random, annoying and hard work.

Bit of both I think. Some is just luck, some like to sleep more than others but I do believe that part of getting the best sleep out of little one (whether that means a full night or just a decent stretch!) is working out what is right for your DC. What soothes/comforts them best, what they do and don't like in a bedtime routine. There's most definitely not a one size fits all "trick" to sorting sleep in babies in my opinion.

Does your husband come from a large multi-generational extended family where they have openly talked about sleeping patterns and he's helped out over the years with the babies, toddlers and young children at night?

I guess not otherwise he wouldn't come out with that rubbish.

Its luck. Ds is nearly 3 and has always been a pain. Slept an hour at a time for the first 6 weeks and has woke up multiple times a night since then. He sleeps in bed with us now as its the only way to get a full nights sleep.
Dd is the opposite. Has slept through pretty much from 4 weeks old. She only really woke up for one feed a night before that. I thought there was something wrong with her at first because I had assumed all babies were like ds...

I think it’s probably unusual for a baby and for many toddlers too (except those who give up through being left to cry) to sleep through consistently. My eldest did quite early but went through phases of waking at night until 2ish. My youngest wakes most nights aged 3. My friend has a child who still struggles with sleep aged 5.

Well if you ignore the baby when it cries at night it will eventually not bother so I guess he's right in that respect. But obviously you're right that babies have different needs in terms of food and comfort at night and not meeting those needs is obviousky a bad idea.

Completely down to luck. DS1 and 2 both BF, DS1 slept through from 12 weeks, it took DS2 16+ months . Both treated the same, just very different personalities.

My son slept through the night till he got to 4 months. Then he woke twice each night, gradually his sleep got worse and worse until he was waking every one or two hours. We then did the controlled crying method (controlled being the main word, he was never left abandoned and to cry it out) and he now sleeps 12-14 hours a night.

Make of that what you will.

It's not luck just all babies are different! Some are great sleepers from three weeks, some start crawling at 5 months, some eat well, some don't have tantrums, some speak well from 12 months blah blah. Generally it's out of our control

Of all the families I know the children are a huge variety of sleeping/non-sleeping and it all seems a little bit pot-luck. One of mine was a perfect sleeper, the other was like having teeny tiny Freddie Krueger in the bed, raking me with it's nails and muttering all sorts. Totally raised both the same way, one just loved sleep and the other was a little evil. You can't predict it or even do much to shape it; at 13 the great sleeper is still a great sleeper.

I semi disagree/agree? I think a lot is down to luck and individual child’s personality but I do think there are things which encourage good sleep from the early days and others which don’t. However it’s such a subjective subject, your own experiences of your own babies are all you can really go on so I don’t think there’s any easy answers.

It's luck. I was a terrible sleeper as a baby/child, still don't need a lot of sleep compared to most people. My dd slept through from 10 months. My 6 month old ds still wakes up twice a night for feeds. It is what it is.
I've had people telling me things like your husband. If I just gave him a bottle before bed, if i just let him cry it out etc. I figure he will sleep through when he is ready

Ds started sleeping through at 19m, dd 9 weeks. Same routine, very different babies!

I’m with you.
I’ve had 2 babies with completely different sleep patterns, and I didn’t do anything with one that I didn’t do with the other. Both coslept and breastfed on demand from birth, then transitioned into their cots/beds when they were ready. First one slept through consistently from about 2, second one still wakes at least once for milk at 2.

Primarily luck IMO. DS2 has been sleeping 10 hours a night since 5 weeks old. Not down to any amazing skill on our part.

Can I ask..

How many adults sleep through the night without waking up (obviously not counting child related wake ups).

I have not slept through for 10 years or more, I have to wake up for a wee, every night.

I just wonder actually how realistic IS this goal of a whole nights uninterrupted sleep.