Babies sleeping through the night

[coffeeforone]

I truly believe that how many weeks/months/years it takes for a baby to start sleeping through the night is out of the parents' control, every baby is different and they will sleep through in their own time. Night wakings can't be controlled, aside from making sure baby has enough milk/stimulation in the day and hoping for the best it's basically the luck of the draw!

DH however thinks that, medical reasons aside, almost all babies are able to sleep though the night after the newborn stage, and they if they don't, it's because of something the parents are doing/not doing (though of course he is unable to pinpoint these magic actions/inactions).

Who do you think is BU?

I don’t agree with leaving babies to cry alone for long periods of time. I don’t agree that all sleep training will cause emotional damage. I think most babies will sleep through with some sleep training and a solid routine. ReaganSomerset we clearly disagree on this but this is my experience.

Also, when my DS1 was a toddler, he woke in the night. No doubt some were judgemental about this. But it didn't bother me in the slightest that he woke up. Him being awake didn't affect me at all - my chosen coping method with baby sleep is to co-sleep so that I can snooze through feeds, and this works for me. It works so well that I didn't bother to try and improve his sleep or move him out, because I didn't see the need to. He eventually moved to his own room and slept through shortly afterwards. He's ten now and sleeps like the dead, doesn't seem to have harmed him in the slightest.

Perhaps I could have improved his sleep earlier, or perhaps I couldn't, but I didn't try and that was a conscious choice. People don't seem to get this sometimes.

BertieBotts I don’t think that there is one fool proof method but maternity nannies usually sleep in the day so aren’t exhausted at night whereas most mums are and will just do what gets the baby to sleep as quickly as possible. Maternity nurses are able to sit by a Moses basket stroking a babies tummy to help it soothe back to sleep. Whereas a mum is more likely to rock or feed the baby back to sleep because it is quicker. I think most sleep training is harder in the shot term with pay offs in the long term.

I'm still trying to figure this out with my almost 3 year old. Put her in her own room and she wakes several times a night, keep her in a toddler bed next to us and she sleeps through. I choose sleep every time which is probably why she isn't in her own room!

No, not all sleep training causes emotional damage. However, those forms which involve crying can in those under six months and I would argue that: the stress to the infant outweighs the uninterrupted night of the parent (or nanny) in importance; that leaving a baby to cry does not constitute teaching them to sleep and that it is definitely not one of the most important things a parent ought to do.

My daughter is breastfed and doesn’t sleep. She would sleep about 9 hours and then got to 3.5 months and started waking every 1-2.

I am currently trying to stop feeding at night and get DH to settle her as she comfort feeds and wants to be attached to me a lot. I’d never do controlled crying as she just gets hysterical.

Of all the people I meet at groups etc. I think this is common in breastfed babies. Which I’m fine with as I like feeding her. With formula I think people tend to schedule more of a routine, it’s a mixture of Mum/ Dad and the babies feed because they are hungry rather than comfort and there’s no ‘oh I’ll just latch her on for a bit to make her stop crying’ sleep association.

I don’t like the rod for your own back rubbish though. You do what you need to do to get through the night!

Never believe a man who brags about his brilliant sleeper... When DS1 was a few months, DH was imparting his "wisdom" in this department to some poor sleep deprived couple with a baby of a similar age. I wasn't sure which sleep deprived parent was going to lamp him first, the mother or me. DH might have slept through, but DS and I certainly didn't!

I think there is a large element of luck and personality involved in any of these areas of parenting. Some babies and children are more amenable to mainstream, approved parenting techniques. Others less so. Some will get it a few techniques in. Some will be very resistant to anythinh. Parents who got lucky have less experience than those who have unsucessfully tried everything.

Development issues which may be factors may not be diagnosed, possibly for years. I remember being on my knees when DS was waking umpteen times a night at about 10m, far worse than when he was newborn. The cause was probably his unidentified multiple food allergies and regular stomach ache. He did actually need the feeds to soothe his digestive system even though hypothetically he didn't need them for nutrition at that age.

Developmentally normal is a range. We accept the range at which babies walk and talk and even some like crawling can be bypassed. A range of sleep is normal (although frustrating if yours doesn't have aptitude for it!) Being classed as a shitty or failing parent really doesn't allieviate sleep deprivation!

Pure luck. My DD slept through at 8 weeks but DS not until over a year old. I did nothing different with DS.

Why is it so impossible to imagine that some parents don’t get this right? It’s both. Some kids are easier than others and some parents have better tactics and strategies than others.

Thurman, I think that was your mistake maybe? Different kids respond to different methods. Not that your DS would have slept through from 8 weeks necessarily but maybe 11 months or 9 months. Nobody will ever know.

My middle DC was and is a fantastic sleeper and slept through from 6 months. DCs 1&3 never cracked it. All three treated the same and ebf . I think their nature is the biggest factor although I am prepared to admit that I probably could have worked harder at helping 1&3 to self soothe and get off than I did. I remember having a little moan only to hear from DM and DMil that neither I nor my DH slept through until we were 5 ( and that was an awfully long time ago).

Good sleep routines are crucial for everyone imo. I was a fabulous sleeper as a baby and toddler. Insomniac from the age of 12 to 36. I've had to work to put myself in a sleep routine. So I wouldn't discount that as unimportant for babies too. How effective it is, is likely down to the baby's temperament.

3WildOnes - but isn't that the same thing? Surely stroking a baby's tummy is just as disturbing to sleep/just as much a "sleep crutch", if you like, as rocking or feeding is. And the baby's sleep stretches will eventually stretch regardless, in my experience. I don't believe babies wake up on purpose to feed, I just don't think sleep works that way. If we could choose when we woke up we wouldn't need alarm clocks, I don't think babies are any different. Most babies (and adults) have brief waking periods during the night, so it's simply whether they feel warm, comfortable and safe and drift back off again unaware or whether they find something makes them uncomfortable enough to stay awake - hunger or cold or insecurity.

I think it's luck of the draw. I've been very lucky with my 2. My dd now is 10m sleeps 7pm till 8am.. 2 short day naps.

@ 6 weeks. She was going 8pm till midnight. Feed then back down 12.30 till 8am. Bottle and sleep till 10am..mungod I loved that.. Made me a bit lazy Tho as its when we had that snow so was lovely to st snuggled in bed..

Teething and poorly nights. Have been a killer as its like we've been spoilt with her. So frequent wakings were bleugh.

I think your DH is unreasonable and you are correct. Everyone is different - including when they're newly born. I was a terrible sleeper as a baby/toddler. If you see the time on this post, you can guess I'm an adult with insomnia. It's not my parents' fault. My mom is a great mom and did all the usual parenting hacks. x