To not be pressured in to drinking alcohol?

[loolooskip]

I've been a pretty heavy drinker since I was about 16. I'm now in my 40's and after an incident this Christmas I've given up drinking.

DH and I both drank too much. I've wanted to give up a few times but he's not been on board.

Now he is for many reasons so that's great.

But whenever we go out or see friends we're getting either ridiculed for being ott and ridiculous and encouraged to 'go on have one, it won't hurt' or getting sneery 'it won't last' comments.

We're telling people 'we were drinking too much. We don't want to anymore' but that's not seeming to shut people up. I really don't want to start telling everyone in sundry we have a drink problem but that seems to be the only way not to have people waving sodding wine or gin under our noses.

Oh, and the amount of people who are insisting I must be pregnant is as we're not able to have another child and trying to deal with that too.

Anybody else been in this boat and how did they deal with it? It's not as easy as going to new places or getting new friends, we live very remotely.

I’m teetotal so I get asked about it quite often which I don’t mind. Some people can’t accept it even if I keep saying no. For the alcohol pests, I recommend showing them a picture of a diseased liver compared to a healthy one on your phone to shut them up!

I drank like a fish in my teens and spent a lot of time down the pub. I experienced it. I would realise I was drinking too much and people wouldn't accept I wanted a break. I was so young, I didn't have a backbone though. I rarely drink these days and have drunk to excess once in twelve months. I understand you're remote, but you don't have to stay close to people like that

I decided to give up the day after Boxing Day. I am tired of being tired, of feeling ill and as if I am only half of myself. Initially had some horrible symptoms which must have been withdrawal but I now feel great. No puffy face, sleeping better, no shakes. Telling people I am saving for a holiday.

We went out for dinner last night a pretty much every person in the restaurant commented or joked about how we weren't drinking. One shouted 'boring' across the room.

It really isn't as easy as just not being close to these people. We live hours away from anywhere else. There's one shop and one restaurant. Everybody knows each other. We're each other's doctors, teachers, vets, post person etc.

My friend who owns the cafe was a sweetheart though. She made us a fancy mocktail with some hibiscus syrup she'd made specially.

She was the one that witness my terrible behaviour and the incident that triggered this giving up so she gets it. She actually was saying last night she knows she needs to quit too but can't.

But, I'm the one who got an uninterrupted 8 hours sleep and am waking without a hangover.

I know I'm sounding smug but it's all I have to bolster me in to carrying on lol!

Will join the old penguins thread. Thank you!

Last night we were sat right opposite the bar. DH did pretty well but I found it pretty hardly looking at all of the lovely wine.

How many nights out have you had since Christmas?! I am jealous

@StealthPolarBear quite a lot! Most were family things though so not quite as exciting as they sound haha.

DH really isn't in to going out and partying so he's more than happy to stay in with ds.

I'm wondering how my being so social will plan out with not drinking.

We've got a night away at a hotel with an ice bar and club night planned for a couple of weeks time and it'll will be really strange to be sober! I've actually got a couple of pregnant friends going though so I won't be totally alone in my abstinence!

@StealthPolarBear don't be jealous. I'm a stay at home Mum and live miles from nowhere. I don't get to see a soul during the days, we don't even have a postman. If I didn't get out at night sometimes I'd get cabin fever and lose my mind!

That's why we have such a huge drinking problem here. Winter months can really make people lose their shit.

I'm wondering how my being so social will plan out with not drinking

I have groups of friends and the majority are non drinkers.

We have the best times.

We have an in joke that when we go out we need to wear Tena lady because we laugh and giggle so much. I don’t think I have ever been on a night out where I haven’t at some point in the evening been crying with laughter.

I didnt really get that with the group where I was the only non drinker.

@Oliversmumsarmy I only know a few people here who don't drink and to be honest I don't like any of them lol!

I have to say, when dh and I went out last night we did have some big laughs that made me pee. But I have a prolapsed bladder from ds so bending over makes me pee. 🤣

Tell them you’ve becone Quakers.

I have to say it has taken me years to find these groups.

As a non drinker I always felt like a 3 rd wheel in groups. It isn’t like I can say ok I will knock back a few wines and join in.

A couple of sips and I would be on the floor or on the table

Well done, be as smug as you bloody like. I'm almost at 11 months AF after a slightly failed dry Jan last year which led me to stop for good in early Feb 2018.

I've literally never looked back. Sober birthdays and Christmases have been the hardest but to be honest it becomes normal really quickly. The sleep thing is amazing isn't it!!! I wish I could get my DH to give up he drinks way too much, sleeps badly and is overweight but there is no telling him!!!

Ignore the people taking the piss, they are really only concerned because it shines a light on their drinking habits. I've had 1 friend join me in an AF lifestyle and a few freinds who have had a jlooy good look at their drinking levels and have cut down drastically.

Look at club soda website and facebook page, it is a great support. I'm going to their mindful drinking festival next Saturday.

There are loads of af drinks, if you want some suggestions let me know and I can point you in the right direction I seem to have managed to have tried most of them. Next weekend we are going to the AF beer tasting which I'm looking forward to.

Keep it up OP you won't regret it!

We went out for dinner last night a pretty much every person in the restaurant commented or joked about how we weren't drinking. One shouted 'boring' across the room. angry

Where on Earth do you live?! That is very odd behaviour. If I go out for dinner, nobody else in the restaurant pays me any attention, let alone comments on what I'm drinking.

I understand what you're saying. I think our generation (40s) is the worst. We were the peak of the binge drinking culture in our teens and 20s and many people never seem to have given up the habit. My 20 year old DSS and his friends do go out and have a drink, but nothing like I used to do.

I enjoy a glass of wine at home but rarely drink socially. Some people seem to take it as a personal slight, although I'm happy for them to drink what they want. I agree it makes some people feel defensive about their own relationship with alcohol or they know they plan to drink lots and worry about behaving in a drunken way in front of sober people, but that's really their issue. I was out with colleagues over Christmas and one colleague bought us all a round of Jaegerbombs that she insisted we all drink - she didn't ask, just plonked them down in front of us. She tried to insist I drink mine even when I explained I was driving home then seemed personally affronted when I gave it to someone else.

I do still drink, but very little after the binge drinking years of my teens/early 20s. I take the car most nights out now, that usually shuts people up.

I do enjoy a glass with dinner if people are over, or the odd drink, but there are some quite nice low/no alcohol beers/wines/ciders about now. Even found Nonsecco ( no alcohol Prosecco), so I happily drink that. Also plenty of bars/restaurants do nice Mocktails.

Its great to have a night out where you have had fun, and wake up with no hangover or the fear the next day.

Good luck OP

@loolooskip i mean just drink if you want to or alternatively don’t if you choose not to - I am struggling to see why this is so complicated or indeed why the world needs to know 🤷🏻‍♂️

Also, you need to understand that many of your friendships reference were forged with you and your DH behaving in a certain way (drinking) and you have now unilaterally decieded (as is your right) to change the dynamics of said friendships - it’s likely some of these friendships won’t be sustainable with this new approach and that isn’t the fault of your friends. You need to accept this is the case and be pleased for the reasons you explain and not to try and blame your friends who are in no way responsible for the changes you have recently implemented

@HirooOnoda if you read my posts you'd see we can't just switch to a different group of friends.

We live very remotely. There's not many of us that live here and it's hours to the nearest town.

And I agree it's nobody else's business. But as I said, EVERYONE has noticed we aren't drinking. I can't tell my son's teachers, doctors etc to fuck off and mind their own business.

If I lived in a big town it would be a whole different story. But the people we live with are non-negotiation-able. And being a fishing community, 99% are heavy drinkers.

Our current friendships were forged by being the only people we can physically see.

And I absolutely can blame someone for calling someone boring or encouraging them to have just one when that person has told them they have a problem with alcohol.

Even when I worked in clubs and was much younger I'd never do that.

Seedlip grassy stuff, slimline tonic and a load of lime juice. Tastes great, not alcoholic and very refreshing. Annoyingly, I'm out of tonic.

I had a ghastly stomach on 28th December and haven't drunk since. I'm doing DJ (but stopping on 26th as I am going on holiday) but won't overdo it as I want to lose 4 stone so I can hopefully get pregnant.

Wedding in June is the first goal.

The other thing I found handy was my soda stream and making my own cordials and the like. It's blood orange season and if you can get them, make your own cordial. Absolutely worth it and not that expensive.

We went out for dinner last night a pretty much every person in the restaurant commented or joked about how we weren't drinking. One shouted 'boring' across the room.

@dippyavocado

Where on Earth do you live?! That is very odd behaviour. If I go out for dinner, nobody else in the restaurant pays me any attention, let alone comments on what I'm drinking.

Yeah I find this odd too. Never known it happen.

If people are going to be rude and try and get you to drink, there is little you can do except avoid them for awhile ...

If people are going to be rude and try and get you to drink, there is little you can do except avoid them for awhile ...

@loolooskip

Of course you should not be pressured into drinking alcohol. It's your right to not drink and good for you.

However, all I will say is I know 2 different people who went teetotal 12 to 18 months ago, and whilst they were a huge laugh when they had had a few glasses of wine, they are now such dull and drab company when we're out socialising. Sorry but they are. As a pp said, some people do lose friends when they stop drinking alcohol.

I have been out with both people on 4 or 5 occasions each (so about 9 altogether) since around mid to late 2017, and they are just so DULL.

It's particularly shit on a special night out - like a party or new years eve, because they want to leave early coz they're bored. Thing is, I am getting merry and jolly on a night out, and they sit there looking at their watch, and saying 'I wanna be gone by 9pm.' On several occasions, I have said 'GO then, I will get a taxi.'

Being teetotal is OK, and admirable, but it's hard when you drink alcohol when you go out, and your 'going out' partner is teetotal. Hard for both sides I imagine.

I have no intention of giving up though. I drink on maybe 35-40 days/nights of the year. (And it will often be just 2 glasses of wine, 3 tops.) And I DON'T drink on around 325 of the days/nights.

I enjoy a drink when I have one, I am not a big drinker, and I have no intention of giving up. I do understand that some want to/need to though, especially those who drink on 325 days of the year, rather than NOT drink on 325 days of the year (like me,) and they have a real issue with it.

Kudos to those who have given up, but a few people I know put me in mind of 'Fun Bobby' from Friends.

People trying to push drinks on you are out of order, but maybe they are doing it because they're struggling when you're stone cold sober and they're tipsy???

I really think you may need to find some new (teetotal) friends....... I have no plans whatsoever to go out with the 2 teetotal people I know for a long time, because the last time I went out with each of them, the conversation completely dried up, and they both - on separate occasions - said they want to leave at 9.30-9.45 pm ish. Really fucked me off because on both occasions they were driving (they offered,) and they were my only way home. (Both times were Friday nights, and no taxis for at least 2-3 hours!)