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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cash requested in lieu of wedding gift. How much?

40 replies

DayAtTheRaces · 04/01/2019 14:23

It’s been many years since we’ve been to a wedding in the UK as we are living overseas so we are a bit out of the loop as to etiquette.

My husband’s nephew is getting married in a few weeks at a fancy country hotel and we are flying over for it (after we paid for the flights my husband lost his job :( ). The wedding couple have requested no gifts as they already live together but have asked for cash instead to pay towards a long-haul honeymoon they will have a few weeks after getting married.

We haven’t a clue as to how much would be deemed appropriate and looking to Mumsnetters for suggestions! It’s already costing us a lot of money to even get there (flights/car rental and hotel) but we don’t want to be deemed tightwads.

OP posts:

SushiMonster · 04/01/2019 14:26

Minimal. If I have to travel then that is my gift to you.

DorisDances · 04/01/2019 14:26

A card should be ample as the couple will surely realise what time and cost you will have gone to in order to attend.

Housingcraze · 04/01/2019 14:27

Paying for flights will be the gift to them!

RLOU30 · 04/01/2019 14:29

Honestly, if you had paid for flights and accommodation just to attend my wedding I would expect absolutely nothing further from you.

Hermano · 04/01/2019 14:29

In your situation not more than £50, but I agree flights to visit them is enough gift. Whenever I've been to a far away wedding the bride and groom have specifically said no presents, it's costing us enough. I take them at their word.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/01/2019 14:29

Just what you can afford OP. With your husbands losing his job I imagine you're being very careful with money? Don't worry if it's only a small amount, it's the thought that counts.

whatwillbewillbe03 · 04/01/2019 14:29

I travelled to Thailand for my cousin wedding so deemed that enough of an expenses without i gift!

KM99 · 04/01/2019 14:29

We asked for cash rather than gifts as we had a fully stocked home.

However we made it very clear in a politely worded invitation that people making the effort and expense to turn up was present enough, but if people felt they wanted to give us something then money was appreciated.

Toooldtocareanymore · 04/01/2019 14:30

don't think its practical to suggest you turn up empty handed, what would you spend if you were getting a gift?

KM99 · 04/01/2019 14:30

Sorry meant to add we did get a range of cash gifts from £20 to larger from cose family. I seem to recall some guests didn't give us anything and I was relieved they didn't feel pressured about it.

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 04/01/2019 14:30

We got married just over a year ago and can honestly say we were grateful for any amount. Money gifts were generally between £10-50 from most people, some close family members gave more. Auntys and uncles tended to average about £40. Some people just gave a lovely card and that meant just as much to us as a gift of any sort, we wanted people to celebrate with us and not worry about getting us anything at all.

Pachyderm1 · 04/01/2019 14:31

In the past I’ve given anything between £50 and £200 but I’ve never had to travel far to attend so I do think that changes things. Give whatever you can comfortably afford - no person with any decency would be ungrateful (and if they are it’s their problem not yours!).

Cottipus · 04/01/2019 14:31

We used to give £50 as a couple a few years ago, this seemed to be typical.

But otherwise just give what you can afford if you must give a gift.

gamerchick · 04/01/2019 14:31

Paying for the flights is the gift. You don't need to give a gift on top of that. Get a nice card.

CripsSandwiches · 04/01/2019 14:32

When we got married quite a few of DH 's relatives who had to travel on expensive flights didn't get us any gift. We were obviously 100% OK with this (a few others didn't get gifts and I was fine with this too). We wrote a thank you card saying how grateful we were they'd made the trip.

If you do want to give don't go OTT 50 is plenty.

Whatweretheythinking · 04/01/2019 14:36

We traveled for BIL wedding we didn't give a gift, flights, accommodation, leave from work and hire car (wasn't needed but meant we could explore) was more than we would of given if he got married in the UK.

But we also didn't give cash because he was bragging about how money he was going to be given by his foreign soon to be in-laws . I was rather smug when they didn't get given half what they expected.

Megan2018 · 04/01/2019 14:41

I give £100-£120 as a couple if attending the whole wedding. £50-£60 for the evening only. Plus a bottle of fizz.

In your circumstances, give what you'd spend on a gift though - anything from £0 up.

Amber0685 · 04/01/2019 14:43

I would give the cost of the meals and drinks you will have.

mindutopia · 04/01/2019 14:47

How much do you want or have to give? I tend to give £50 as standard. You don’t have to travel or attend, that’s your choice, but I think something is appropriate rather than just showing up empty handed.

Pootles34 · 04/01/2019 14:51

Whatever you want, including nothing. I just got married and we got everything from £200 (very wealthy couple) down to lots of people got us nothing, a few £15 type amounts, and honestly we were just made up that people came.

My most treasured gift (giving myself away here) was an embroidered sampler from my sister. Not that I'm suggesting you take up embroidery...

wink1970 · 04/01/2019 14:56

I think £50 is about right but if they know about your changed circumstances I am sure they will not expect anything.

Another alternative if you know where they are going on Honeymoon is to buy them a guide book ..... someone did that for us and it was a lovely idea.

Nomorechickens · 04/01/2019 14:58

Just give what you can afford. So that would be nothing. If they say anything they are not nice people.
If they are nice they would have said 'we don't expect any gifts, but if you want to give something, we prefer cash'. Take them at their word (even if they didn't actually say it.

Sexnotgender · 04/01/2019 14:59

I’d give about £50 in your circumstances.

ourkidmolly · 04/01/2019 15:00

I'd give a £100 unless you're super skint.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 04/01/2019 15:05

We got cash gifts at or wedding it ranged from £0 to £250, average was probably £50. from aunts and uncles if ranged from £0 to £100. Personally I would either give cash of around £50 or just a bottle of champagne.
We did have a few friends who had traveled quite far who didn’t give us gifts and we understood that and dont hold it against them.

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