Cash requested in lieu of wedding gift. How much?

[DayAtTheRaces]

It’s been many years since we’ve been to a wedding in the UK as we are living overseas so we are a bit out of the loop as to etiquette.

My husband’s nephew is getting married in a few weeks at a fancy country hotel and we are flying over for it (after we paid for the flights my husband lost his job :( ). The wedding couple have requested no gifts as they already live together but have asked for cash instead to pay towards a long-haul honeymoon they will have a few weeks after getting married.

We haven’t a clue as to how much would be deemed appropriate and looking to Mumsnetters for suggestions! It’s already costing us a lot of money to even get there (flights/car rental and hotel) but we don’t want to be deemed tightwads.

£50 is a lot of money job or not. Just a nice card. You have paid for flights. I think it's lovely that you're still thinking about them before yourselves given your DH has lost his job. You sound like a nice person.

Another vote for nothing, you’re already paying enough!

Blimey, “just” £50 seems like a lot if someone has just lost their job!

We give £100 as a couple if either of us have been included in the bridal party. If invited to the day as a guest then £80 or so and £50 for an evening only invite, regardless of whether we have to travel and pay for a hotel. When lots of weddings are £70+ a head we think it's a nice gesture, but I'm sure the bride and groom wouldn't want anyone to be put out financially. Give what you can afford and if that is your attendance at the wedding then that will be appreciated.

Average for our wedding was £30.

As a rule I generally give £100 if I’m an all day guest and £50 if evening only, but give what you can afford, it’s as simple as that.

I’m getting married in May and a large group are coming over from Ireland- I’m not expecting any money from them, as far as I’m concerned the travel cost is enough already.

We have given gifts of money at the last 2 weddings we attended of friends. One was for £30 as not as close a friend the other £40 as we went all day. In your case a maximum of £50.

£50

We are in a similar situation. Family wedding in a very expensive country hotel, 4 hours from home. Family room in the hotel is costing £150 which I'm happy to save for over the next couple of months as the bride has pre-paid. Cash gifts requested. We can realistically only afford approx £25 after paying travel costs, clothes, drinks and hotel. This is what I would have spent on a gift. Bride and Groom are in their 50's and have been together for many years. I understand the asking for cash trend but I am not entirely comfortable with it and I don't think I would do it

Thank you everyone for replying! It was interesting to read that one of the posters mentioned that a country house wedding could run to 70 pounds (and up) for each guest.

We don’t know if there is an open bar or not, but if there isn’t I guess that if we do have to pay for our own drinks it could also be costly at hotel prices.

I’m now thinking that we should pay at least for ‘our meals’ (just like it is done at Chinese weddings) so if it is around 70 pounds per head we will probably end up giving a cash donation of 140 o 150 pounds between us. Hmmmmm.

Don’t give anything! We got married 200 miles away from home so we said no gifts necessary on our invitations as we were so grateful to those who were willing to fork out for travel and hotel accommodation. V cheeky of them to ask for cash in the circumstances.

That’s outrageous OP, don’t give that much! We had a free bar as we wanted our guests to enjoy themselves and certainly didn’t want anyone to give us anything in return for the food we provided!

We give 50 quid usually. Gave more to young skint couple because we could afford it and it would be appreciated. Mostly we go to second weddings of people similar age to us and similar income x

When quoting amounts, is it per person or per couple?