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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - children at the park?

39 replies

Marmitelover37 · 03/01/2019 20:00

My 11 year old ds and friend were given permission to go to the park to play today. At 12.30pm I sent older son to park to say it was lunchtime and could they come back. Instead of doing this they went to another boy's house to play without permission. I stomped round and extracted them and sent playdate boy home as I was furious that they thought it was ok to go where they wanted without permission - did I overreact??

OP posts:

TotesEmoshTerri · 03/01/2019 20:01

Yeah, they're 11, not 5. Although maybe kids are softer now than back in the day.

Nicknacky · 03/01/2019 20:03

Did you ask “could they come back” or say “come back now”?

My 11 year old goes out with her friends on the bikes and will visit pals when out. I bought her a phone so she could update me.

Sparklingbrook · 03/01/2019 20:03

Does sound like you over reacted. Being furious.

DangerMouse17 · 03/01/2019 20:04

No you didn't overreact. They should do as they're told quite frankly.

ErictheGuineaPig · 03/01/2019 20:04

I don't think you over reacted at all. How old is the older son? I'd be reluctant to let them out again for the foreseeable future if they can't be trusted. I absolutely expect to know where my 11 year old is when he goes out. He's too young to be allowed to wander aimlessly imo

VenusClapTrap · 03/01/2019 20:05

I’d be cross too. Yanbu.

44PumpLane · 03/01/2019 20:05

If they went on the understanding they would come back when asked then YANBU.

If they went out for the afternoon and they weren't expecting to be called back then it's iffy- they didn't defy you personally as the message was sent via a sibling who could have been fibbing or winding them up to ruin their fun.

CheshireChat · 03/01/2019 20:07

I think he should have a phone if he's going out on his own as per PP said.

Maybe next time wait until he's home rather than embarrass him in front of 2 different mates, but it does depend how reliable he is normally.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 03/01/2019 20:10

I’d ground mine for that. You come back when you’re told or you don’t get out. It’s about trust.

Flannelled · 03/01/2019 20:11

I don't think you did. He needs to know he can't just wonder off where he likes. I suspect it was probably just a lack of thought tbh though.

Does he have a phone?

MakeAHouseAHome · 03/01/2019 20:12

YANBU at all!! He needs to do as he is bloody told!

Neolara · 03/01/2019 20:14

I would have done exactly what you did. I am surprised others would be happy for their 11yo dcs to deliberately disobey an instruction to come home.

Original poster

Marmitelover37 · 03/01/2019 20:15

We had arranged to go to the cinema after lunch so they were told they could go to the park until lunch....I just think they should think about the consequences of their actions rather than just do as they please ....needless to say we didn't go to the cinema....ds does have phone but mobile signal is very poor here so we don't rely on it as a form of communication tbh. I know they are 11 not 5 but it was the principle of the thing...

OP posts:

Twickerhun · 03/01/2019 20:16

Nope they need to know that it’s not ok.

Steamedbadger · 03/01/2019 20:20

YANBU

getback · 03/01/2019 20:21

I'm with you op. Dc out on their own are only safe when there is trust in place and it works both ways. I grounded mine for similar. She was fuming about being grounded but I know now she will always come back when she's supposed to, even if there's peer pressure not to.

Sparklingbrook · 03/01/2019 20:23

Maybe I was too relaxed in the school holidays then. I wouldn't have done lunch until they came back, and if they were busy playing with friends we would have gone to the cinema another day.

greendale17 · 03/01/2019 20:25

I absolutely expect to know where my 11 year old is when he goes out. He's too young to be allowed to wander aimlessly

^I agree

OffToBedhampton · 03/01/2019 20:26

Ywnbu. I'd be fuming with them

sirmione16 · 03/01/2019 20:27

YANBU it's a breach of trust - You've let them out to one place, asked them to come back and they've actively gone against your wishes. Given an inch, took a mile. Especially bad if your son doesn't have a mobile or way of contact as it means you can't trust him to be where he says he is, which is dangerous of course.

Original poster

Marmitelover37 · 03/01/2019 20:27

Thank you all MNs feeling a bit better about my actions - rather saw red earlier....I did tell playdate friend that it was nothing personal but because ultimately I was responsible for him I needed to know where they were - but made it very clear to my ds when we were alone that this was not acceptable behaviour...

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 03/01/2019 20:27

I wouldn't be happy. My DD is soon to be 11 and is allowed to go to the park and walk around the village/visit shops here but if they went to a 3rd child's home I'd be cross.

I like to know where she is....her friend's Mum is far less bothered and her DD comes here at say 11.00am and then her Mum won't phone all day or give her a curfew....I end up calling her about 5 to say her DD is on the way home.

UnicornSlaughters · 03/01/2019 20:28

YANBU. I had to earn my parents' trust when I started going out on my own/with friends. Your DC have learned the hard way what happens when that trust is broken.

Stormwhale · 03/01/2019 20:28

Funny how people complain that parents don't even know where their children are when they are out causing trouble... Then the op punishes for going against her instructions and going where they like and she is the bad guy.

brizzledrizzle · 03/01/2019 20:32

.I did tell playdate friend that it was nothing personal but because ultimately I was responsible for him I needed to know where they were - but made it very clear to my ds when we were alone that this was not acceptable behaviour...

It sounds like you handled it well enough to me, and they missed out on the cinema trip so I doubt they'll do it again. As for lunch, if mine are out with friends and miss lunch that's up to them, they can have it when they come in or buy it (with their money) if they are out. Mine have phones and we keep in touch that way with a change of plan but if that wasn't an option then they'd be given a fixed time when they had to come home.

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