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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell Mum about can of cider

37 replies

DanielleEvans · 03/01/2019 18:54

My DS (14) has just revealed that earlier today his best friend (also 14) took 2 cans of cider from his house for them both to drink in the park.

I've told my DS off, but he's pleading with me to not 'grass' on his friend. It was low alcohol fruity cider, although I am not sure if that's really relevant!

DS's best friend lives a couple of doors down so not sure if I should knock and tell mum. Should I do this or AIBU to look like I am completely over reacting?

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 03/01/2019 19:00

Well you’d want to know wouldn’t you?

Original poster
DanielleEvans · 03/01/2019 19:02

Yes I suppose I would, but they are both unscathed at home playing XBox so I wasn't sure if I was over reacting or not

OP posts:
MrsLuther · 03/01/2019 19:06

I wouldn’t. This time.

It’s good your son told you - snitch and he might not next time. You’ve got ammo now! Use it wisely 😉

Gottensomedraws · 03/01/2019 19:06

Started by thinking ‘No I wouldn’t - they are 14 and probably wanted to try alcohol for the first time’. But for me it might depend on how well I know the mum, and how they might react. Your DS told you so he knows that they shouldn’t have done it, I think maybe the guilt is enough once he tells his friend he’s had a telling off. But maybe I’m a bit lax Blush

Iseveryusernametaken · 03/01/2019 19:07

I think that you should suggest to his friend that he confesses to his mum, so that she doesn't find out another way.

whassupmissus · 03/01/2019 19:07

I wouldn't

GalacticChickenShit · 03/01/2019 19:09

Nah if I believed what he was saying and had no reason to think it'd happened more often, I'd keep schtum this time and be happy my son felt he could talk to me.

LagerthaTheShieldMaiden · 03/01/2019 19:10

I wouldn't. One can of cider each at the age of 14? Hardly groundbreaking stuff is it.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 03/01/2019 19:10

I wouldn't this time, only because it may lead of some nastiness towards your ds.

TotesEmoshTerri · 03/01/2019 19:11

Turn a blind eye as it's a first offence but hang it over his head if he misbehaves again

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 03/01/2019 19:12

How would the mum be if she found out he had taken the alcohol and that you knew

Original poster
DanielleEvans · 03/01/2019 19:13

MrsLuther - yes thank you I like the possibility of having ammunition to use!

Yeah, I'm thinking it's not really worth it - I don't know Mum particularly well but I get the impression she is pretty relaxed and wouldn't see this as a biggie.

I am glad my DS told me - he's normally very secretive so maybe I should use this information to my advantage and 'do a deal' such as I won't tell this time providing he tells me about any future misdemeanours!

OP posts:
Original poster
DanielleEvans · 03/01/2019 19:15

I did actually ask my son what his friends mum may think about it and he said he often drinks in the house in front of her so she wouldn't mind.

OP posts:
O4FS · 03/01/2019 19:15

Puts you in a difficult position as you know. I’d be pissed off that you knew my child had done that and kept it to yourself. Chances are she’ll notice the cans have gone anyway.

I’d be telling DS to tell his friend to tell his mum, or I would.

I don’t consider the drinking of the cider a massive deal, but I wouldn’t be impressed if you knew and said nothing.

Saying that, every chance she knows and hasn’t said anything to you.

mummmy2017 · 03/01/2019 19:15

Don't blackmail, him, tell him how proud you are of him for telling you..
Then leave it as that.

Shakirasma · 03/01/2019 19:16

Dont tell, not unless you want to guarantee your DS never tells you anything about anything ever again.

elephantoverthehill · 03/01/2019 19:17

I don't see the issue is so much about alcohol as one of basically stealing from parents.

PinkHeart5914 · 03/01/2019 19:18

I wouldn’t tell as we all done it didn’t we? I know I did! And as it’s the first offence if you like I wouldn’t mention it.

Most adults will notice if alcohol has gone.

ShortandSweet96 · 03/01/2019 19:22

I wouldn't have told him that you thought about telling her. You want to be able to trust your DD to tell you things.
He may now not want to tell you these things in the future.
But I would have a quiet word with other mum and let her know that your DS is worries about 'grassing' on their friendship x

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 03/01/2019 19:24

I would pick my battles tbh. It's one can of cider each that they would drink in the house in front of you both anyway. If it was a 6 pack of lager it would be different.

PurplePotatoes · 03/01/2019 19:27

Nah if I believed what he was saying and had no reason to think it'd happened more often, I'd keep schtum this time and be happy my son felt he could talk to me.

This.

Teabag37 · 03/01/2019 19:28

I think we all have to remember,now and again, what we got up to at that age.....

jessstan2 · 03/01/2019 19:39

No! Don't grass the boy up for something so trivial. If you do that, your son won't be so eager to trust you in future.

See it in proportion, it wasn't two litres of vodka.

My son and his friends used to sit behind the big church on Blackheath and drink cider.

He doesn't do it now, outgrew it (39)!

christmaschristmaschristmas · 03/01/2019 19:40

I wouldn't. It is only one can of cider each and you risk your DS not telling you anything ever again!

If it was spirits I would say.

moredoll · 03/01/2019 19:42

Keeping your son's trust will be more beneficial than telling a relaxed mum about one can of low alcohol cider.