To tell Mum about can of cider

[DanielleEvans]

My DS (14) has just revealed that earlier today his best friend (also 14) took 2 cans of cider from his house for them both to drink in the park.

I've told my DS off, but he's pleading with me to not 'grass' on his friend. It was low alcohol fruity cider, although I am not sure if that's really relevant!

DS's best friend lives a couple of doors down so not sure if I should knock and tell mum. Should I do this or AIBU to look like I am completely over reacting?

Nope. It’s good he felt able to tell you, he was obviously feeling guilty and worried (or worried his friend had been found out and the mum might come and tell you I suppose). He may never tell you anything again if you speak to the other mum.

I imagine my convo would go like this; leaves doors open but doesn't just let them off, either.

"I wish you had not done that."
-We're fine
"So far. He'll probably get caught when his mum notices the missing cider. His mum doesn't know, right?"
-No
"You realise she'll be pissed off if she realises I know & didn't tell her."
-But you don't have to tell her.
"No... but if she asks I won't cover up for you. & if you guys get caught, I will tell you to accept whatever punishment might follow. You will have brought it on yourself. You guys need to be very careful not to do anything stupid linked to alcohol."
-We won't!
"Good!"

*truth is I might cover up for them... or at least fudge around not revealing what I know. Depends how I thought she'd react; it's not my place to get in the middle of their relationship, though.

If it was a full bottle of vodka I would say something but not 2 cans of cider

When I was a similar age I stole a packet of smokes from my dad (B&H 🤢) to share with a friend. Her mum found out and went mad. Instead of telling my mum, she called me and told me it was my last chance, any more of it and she'd tell. I soon stopped. My mum was scary!

I agree with picking your battles. Say nothing on this occasion. You need him to be able to come to you & tell you things and if you go in too heavy this time there's less chance of him talking to you about stuff in future.

Go for what @lljkk says!!

I have a relaxed view to alcohol, mild amounts, as my 16 y.o. has been allowed a cider at home from age 15 on occasion. My 14 1/2 to is allowed ha!f a one on special occasions.So that they learn to be sensible and it isn't a forbidden thing they overdo when older.

BUT no way would I let another child have one without their parents knowledge and frankly unless its a party where parents know and provide the (up to 2) ciders, no one drinks in or from my house

So whilst I think lljkk's response is best in this instance, if I was the Mum I'd wanna know. Tbh I'd spot soon enough that there were 2 missing ciders!

I wouldn't. He won't tell you anything else and you need him to be honest with you if it's something worse than that.

Gosh, my bad. I didn't see OP had written this:
"he said [the friend] often drinks in the house in front of [his mum] so she wouldn't mind."

I think I'd start pulling a different line in response to that, along lines of "Well I sure hope YOU don't start drinking routinely. It's bad for your liver, you're too young, alcohol often leads people into all sorts of problems nobody wants, especially when you're only 14."

The thing is, though, you want to hand them tools (reasons) to make good decisions when you're not there. I'd be trying to go down that line, make them think it's their idea not to make self-destructive choices.

I suppose I'm lucky. Mine didn't get interested in alcohol except at parties when age 15/16+. My current 14yo thinks that booze is stupid, phew.

Tbf if the friend took it from his house, his mum will probably already know.

It sounds to me that your ds is worried and confused about what happened. The issue isn’t really about how you feel about drinking, or how his friend, his mother or mumsnet views it. It’s about what your ds wants for himself, and how he handles himself under pressure from a friend.

I don’t think he needs to be given out to, but he may need to talk through his own confusion, or seek support in dealing with peer pressure.

Drinking in the park is not a good thing. If they are going to drink it would be better to do it at home, where they are safe.

I wouldn’t rush in to doing anything without hearing what’s he thinking first. I think that the conversation has taken a wrong turn if he’s worrying about you telling on him. Shouldn’t he be able to trust you with his secrets and problems?