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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if a couple announce a wedding date then they are engaged?

30 replies

LadyinLavende · 03/01/2019 17:46

My nephew and his girlfriend who have been together six months announced at Christmas that they intend to marry in 2020.

So when I refered to the future bride to my DP I used the word "fiancée".... but he took issue with it.
I thought that's what fiancé(e) meant? Someone who has agreed to marry their partner at a future date which may or may not yet be known.
What does the MN jury think?
Am I just being old fashioned?
Does it only become an engagement if a ring is worn? (Haven't seen them since so have no idea if there is one.)

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2019 17:48

Your partner is a twit.

Yesitwasmethistime · 03/01/2019 17:49

You are right.

Jamiefraserskilt · 03/01/2019 17:49

Yes. When someone asks you to marry them you are "taken" and therefore engaged. Ring or no ring.
Six months??!!

NothingOnTellyAgain · 03/01/2019 17:49

Agree with aquamarine!

Jamiefraserskilt · 03/01/2019 17:50

Don't buy a hat just yet.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 03/01/2019 17:50

I agree with you OP. (And with Aquamarine1029).

AnoukSpirit · 03/01/2019 17:51

Six months?

WhatsUpHun · 03/01/2019 17:52

So ask dp what a fiance actually is?

Housewife2010 · 03/01/2019 17:56

You are right. I never understand when people "plan to get engaged." If you both agree to marry each other then you are engaged.

toomuchtooold · 03/01/2019 18:16

I agree. When a couple announces a date for getting married (and only once they've done that IMO - I can't be doing with these indefinite engagements that last years) then they are engaged.

Cowgirljess · 03/01/2019 18:20

They've agreed to get married. .. so engaged is a fair assumption! Your partner might think it's too early to call them that cos he doesn't take it seriously maybe?

TipseyTorvey · 03/01/2019 19:13

Sometimes, but not always, men propose to their DP to stop them 'going on' in the hopes that saying 'yes we'll get married at some point far far away' stops that particular conversation. They're not actually ready to get married neither do they want to split up but this keeps things simmering nicely for a while.

Trills · 03/01/2019 19:18

@TipseyTorvey I think you've got it topseyturvey - the thing you have described is not at all what is happening.

Seeingadistance · 03/01/2019 19:19

Yes, they are engaged (to be married).

They are affianced!

What does your DP think fiance (sorry, can't do accents) means?

TipseyTorvey · 03/01/2019 19:25

Lol at trills, good pun! Probably, just that a friend's DP proposed, wouldn't use fiancé, then delayed setting the date....it's been 12 years and 2 DC and still no wedding.

BackforGood · 03/01/2019 19:59

You are right OP.
'Being engaged' = 'Planning to get married'
Which means the two people are 'fiance' to each other, automatically.

Hope it all works out though - six months is a very short time for a couple to be together before knowing the other is 'the one'.

Original poster
LadyinLavende · 04/01/2019 07:47

Thanks for the reassurance everyone.

Yes, I do think 6 months is not very long, which maybe why DP is hesitant about using the word "fiancé(e)"..... only time will tell.

OP posts:
CasperGutman · 04/01/2019 07:55

My parents (who married in the 1970s) have always insisted they didn't have an engagement, they just planned a wedding together and then got married....

IPromiseIWontBeNaughty · 04/01/2019 07:56

You are right, your dp is wrong.

Dh & I were engaged 4 months after we met & married within a year & a half, almost 25 years ago. Just saying.

TheLastMermaid · 04/01/2019 08:03

This annoys me more than it should too - people 'planning to get engaged'. Not the same as the OPs situation I know, but this reminded me how annoying I find that!

You're right OP, he's wrong.

CripsSandwiches · 04/01/2019 08:51

Maybe dp just doubts the wedding will ever actually happen since it sounds rushed. That said if you've announced you're getting married then yes you're engaged.

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 04/01/2019 08:58

My ex and I just decided to get married after living together for a while. We booked the wedding for the following year. I never considered myself engaged and I don't think he did either. We never referred to each other as a fiance. We didn't have engagement rings as were too poor and careful with money
reading this now has made me realise that we were actually engaged to be married, I'd never thought of it before

TeenTimesTwo · 04/01/2019 08:58

How old are they?
My DD1 is 'engaged', wears a ring and everything. Happened when she was just 17. I said come back when you have lived away from home as a self-supporting adult for a year and reconfirm it, and then I'll celebrate. (Still living at home 2 years later).

CherryPavlova · 04/01/2019 09:01

We’ve a similar situation. Date in July 2020 agreed. Church and reception venue agreed. Ring is being made currently but apparently they are not engaged. We say boyfriend/girlfriend or partner because fiancée isn’t a word we like particularly. It’s just a word.

PsychedelicSheep · 04/01/2019 13:02

You are technically correct but fiancé is such a poncy, twee outdated word, not many people seem to use it these days.

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