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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Posted for Traffic: How do you handle the Nannycam, if you have one?

28 replies

extrastrongnosugar · 03/01/2019 12:21

Hi, need some advice from mums and dads that have a nannycam installed.

We installed one, and of course the nanny knows. I love our nanny and I trust her, however husband wanted to have nannycam as a deterrent also.

He checks it regularly, but is completely besides himself when he sees little one cry and not being picked up immediately (nanny assured him and comforts him in crib but definitely tries to teach him to form healthy sleeping habits, meaning that she will try to avoid picking him up all the time).

I have the nanny cam on my phone but am too chicken to look.
I kindof think that it is to be expected that he will cry more with nanny than with me, and that once i start looking, it will erode my trust in her. Because I'm the mum, my instinct is to run over there and pick up and coddle baby, but this is why baby never slept more than 30min with me.

I refuse to address things husband saw on cam with the nanny and tell him this is a problem he created for himself and he needs to deal with it and not roll it over to me.

But really both of us are chickens.

Do any of you have a healthier way to use the nannycam?
Any tips on how to handle if there is something you see but not like (but its not a huge deal iykwim)?
How do you protect the trust between nanny and mommy?

Voices of reason welcome, by people that own a nannycam please (as i won't uninstall it)

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 03/01/2019 12:24

Are you happy with the way the nanny us doing things - not immediately picking up, for example? If you are, then there's no issue. If you are not, then speak to her about it. She knows you can see what's she's doing so presumably is happy for you to see this.

mummymeister · 03/01/2019 12:28

I am honestly surprised that a nanny would work for you under these sorts of pressures. I was a sahm. I frequently didn't rush to pick up one of the children immediately that they cried. I would imagine every other parent on here would say that they never 100% picked their child/children up the minute they cried. I think you both have unreasonable expectations about parenting. At the end of the day, when you decide to give your child over to someone else to parent then you have to accept that they wont be exactly the same as you.

I am really shocked that you say that you trust her yet your husband sees the camera as a "deterrent" a deterrent against what? smacking your child, throwing them about etc. If the nanny did harm your child the harm will have happened before either of you could get there so how does that work then?

either employ someone you fully trust and stop spying on them or one of you stay at home and parent your child the way you want to parent them.

Original poster
extrastrongnosugar · 03/01/2019 12:30

Notta I think I'm:
50% ok, my baby is a lusty crier not a helpless crier if that makes any sense
40% grateful she is educating my baby in ways i just dont have the heart for
10% aware that she is not me and that there will always be things i would do different but that its important to give her autonomy if i trust her

Do you have any insight into if you would be looking at the nanny cam at all?

OP posts:
mummymeister · 03/01/2019 12:33

You have already said you wont uninstall it but other than the fact it gives you the nice feeling of being present when absent I think that they are just worthless really. If you saw something so awful that it meant you wanted to sack your nanny on the spot then it would be too late to stop it happening you could only deal with the aftermath.

otherwise all you are doing is dipping in and out of a day with no idea as to what led up to it. for example when your child is older you might look at the cam when they are on the naughty step with no idea why. How does that help?

Original poster
extrastrongnosugar · 03/01/2019 12:44

Mummymeister i get what you are saying and as you see from my post those thoughts are part of the salad.

I'm really looking to hear though from people with a cam if they check it at all, how frequently, and what they do with what they see

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/01/2019 12:47

Are you happy for your employers to film you? Would you be happy for your child to be filmed if they were at nursery or a childminders? Would you be happy if nanny forgets about the cameras (which she will do) and changes her top or something which your DH sees. If the answer to any of those is no get rid of the camera.

Original poster
extrastrongnosugar · 03/01/2019 12:50

Sweeney yep Im happy for all those things.

A good friend of mine lost her son in a home-care environment without cameras. Baby fell and no action was taken until hours later the child minder told the parents. It was too late.

The nanny is coming to a workplace and can change in the toilet if she needs to get nakkid

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 03/01/2019 23:32

I'm.not sure why you'd have it if you aren't going to check it? I haven't got one (no nanny!) But think it wouldn't suit me. I'm a bit of a control freak about these things and would struggle I think with seeing certain things.

ballsdeep · 03/01/2019 23:40

How absolutely awful. Of you to do this. Wtaf??? I'd leave and never work. For you under these circumstances.

Original poster
extrastrongnosugar · 03/01/2019 23:47

Ballsdeep: wouldnt hire you if you had a problem with me seeing how you handle my child.
How terrible that you would value your 'privacy' at your workplace higher than my need to safeguard my child while taking the better part of my paycheck.
Not hired.

I also stated explicitely that i was looking for advice from people with cams themselve, which you didnt care to read/consider so again:
Hard pass from me

OP posts:
TinselandToblerones · 04/01/2019 00:09

The nanny is coming to a workplace and can change in the toilet if she needs to get nakkid

If your child vomits on the nanny should she leave the sick child alone to clean herself up or change in the same room as the child but risk your husband perving on her?

freeAnneBoleyn · 04/01/2019 00:12

I’ve been a nanny for years.

I would never, ever work for someone who installed a nanny cam to check up on me.

ballsdeep · 04/01/2019 00:15

I did consider it thank you, and the way you've replied shows what type of person you are.
The poor nanny , how awful for her to be videoed and watched all the time. When your child goes to school what will happen then? You hired someone to look after your child, surely there should be an. Element of trust? You both sound like unhinged control freaks tbh.

freeAnneBoleyn · 04/01/2019 00:16

And yes, it is just spying.

You should trust your nanny to communicate with you appropriate methods of dealing with your child.

If you saw your child being handled in a way you don’t like, or hurt or sick- what are you actually going to be able to do about it at that precise moment?

I need to be trusted to do my job without being worried about the parents ‘just checking up’. If you can’t handle that, a Nanny is not for you.

ballsdeep · 04/01/2019 00:16

And I wouldn't value my privacy more, it's the blantent lack of trust. The fact you. Mention safeguarding seems as though you are looking for something.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/01/2019 00:19

You obviously don't trust her, so don't have her as a nanny. I would only have a nannycam if I was suspecting that they were mistreating my child and I needed proof. I don't think I could work somewhere were I was constantly surveyed.

Original poster
extrastrongnosugar · 04/01/2019 00:35

Wow. Is there anybody on this thread that actually has a nannycam and is willing to share how they handle it or are you all just wanking into the abyss to your own tune...
I get it. You wouldnt put up a nannycam.
Not what this post is about.
Go take your rage elsewhere.

OP posts:
freeAnneBoleyn · 04/01/2019 00:38

No. Decent employers don’t.

Doesn’t that tell you something?

BatFaced · 04/01/2019 00:44

What a silly question though. Because even without a nanny cam I can answer it ..

If I'd put it in then I'd find time each day to look at the footage. Or I'd tune in on my breaks or when I had a moment in the day.

The reason I'd do that is because I've paid to put a nanny cam in

So all this ' how would you use it?' doesn't make sense. You'd look at the thing 😂

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/01/2019 01:42

wanking into the abyss to your own tune

Wow you sound charming.

ASimpleLampoon · 04/01/2019 03:40

Hilarious that you think your husband's obsession with checking the cam is anything to do with checking up on your child. Checking out the nanny, probably Grin.

Original poster
extrastrongnosugar · 04/01/2019 04:22

Im sure a 60 year old religious woman is right up his alley.

Usually mumsnet is great at insight and support- today was a let down.

OP posts:
Rickytickytembo · 04/01/2019 04:50

Hahaha what a wind up.

How are you and your DH concentrating on your work if you are constantly checking your nannycam? You either trust this nanny with your children - if so, let her crack on and go her job - or you don't, in which case, you and DH need to look after your own children until you find a more suitable arrangement.

Turn the nannycam off.

user1471426142 · 04/01/2019 07:01

I have an internal camera for security reasons as there have been a few burglaries near me. My husband doesn’t check in on me during the day if I’m in and if I had a nanny I’d be tempted to disable it as I wouldn’t want her to feel conscious of being watched all the time. Presumably your whole house isn’t wired up so you’re seeing a snapshot and your nanny could be different in front of the camera to elsewhere.

JellyBears · 04/01/2019 13:00

I’m a nanny and I refuse point blank to be spied on. Don’t trust me don’t hire me!