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Original poster

2nd baby gender comments

39 replies

RibenaMonsoon · 03/01/2019 07:52

Expecting a baby in July. We also have 2 year old DS.
We don't know the sex yet. Will find out in February. Although neither myself or DH really care which it is, its nice to know so we can start buying stuff.

We've had comments from various members of the family and friends. Its starting to really piss me off.
"Wouldn't it be lovely if its a girl this time"
"I hope its a girl this time"
"It'd be nice to have one of each"

Would I BU to start challenging people on this?

So... What if its another boy? Is everyone going to be disappointed? How horrible!

No baby cuddles for those people then.

Maybe I'm just being overly emotional and hormonal. But the thought that this beautiful child isn't going to be as appreciated or cared as much about because of the potential gender really upsets me. I'm sure people don't mean to be horrid and are just perhaps making conversation but bloody hell have some tact!!

Sorry for the rant. I guess I just needed to vent and make sure I'm not being overly emotional and hormonal here.

OP posts:
scottishma · 03/01/2019 07:56

I had my second son last year, didn't know gender until he arrived! I can honestly say not one person mentioned about it how nice it would be to have a girl! Some people can be so rude!

I'm delighted to have 2 boys and don't feel like I've missed out by not having a girl! (And no more babies for us)

Just shrug it off- as you know having a baby comes with all sorts of judgement! Just enjoy your pregnancy, all that matters is a healthy baby!

Yura · 03/01/2019 07:58

Prepare yourself for the “what a shame! when are you going to try for a third” comment if it turns out to be another boy (yes, we got these....)

ParadiseLaundry · 03/01/2019 09:18

YANBU. I also have a DS and am pg again due in August and I am also worried about getting these kinds of comments.

YANBU to challenge people at all and pull them up on their rude comments. People are so insensitive sometimes Angry

OutPinked · 03/01/2019 09:23

YANBU, I had it too and had the “oh aren’t you lucky- a boy and girl” comments to boot. I just felt lucky that they were healthy, however cliche that may be.

Huntawaymama · 03/01/2019 09:28

I had lots of this, "you'll be wanting a boy this time", well no actually if I could have chosen I'd have wanted another girl, I was delighted to have anther girl but straight away people started with "you'll have to have one more go" even though I was still pregnant! Even when I said I'd wanted another girl they thought my husband must have been gutted, but no he was over the moon to

coffeeforone · 03/01/2019 09:29

YANBU, I had these comments before finding out we were expecting DS2, which frustrated me!

Those comments stopped after I said we were having a second boy, however still get the occasional 'Will you try again for a girl?'

Thesearmsofmine · 03/01/2019 09:32

I have three boys, I get comments at least once a week about it being a shame for me or asking if I will try for a girl etc

Original poster
RibenaMonsoon · 03/01/2019 10:57

Thank you all. Glad I'm not just being too emotional. I think I will politely pull people up on it next time.

Must admit it does fill me with dread at the thought of people asking if we're having a 3rd.

Hopefully people will shut up once we've found out.

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 03/01/2019 11:01

We have DD and I am pregnant with a boy. We have had lots of comments about having a set, one of each, ticked that off, don't need to have another one etc. It's well meaning but annoying. We didn't mind whether it was a boy or girl but partly thought it might be nice to have two the same. It's rude, especially to imply people need to have another one as somehow the ones they have aren't good enough.

Hillarious · 03/01/2019 11:01

Just don't find out the sex of DC2. Wait, be surprised and show you really don't care. Not knowing the sex shouldn't have any impact of what you need to buy.

Chickychoccyegg · 03/01/2019 11:01

I've got 3 girls, first 2 are quite close in age, and had no comments,3rd I had so many comments, even from the midwife doing my scans about hoping for a boy, neither myself or dp were bothered at all, it's incredibly rude!

Hillarious · 03/01/2019 11:02

The only comments I really had were of surprised that we would want a third DC if we had two DC already. You can't win. You're always going to get comments. It's something everyone has a view on. Let them wash over you.

LavaLampLover · 03/01/2019 11:08

I have asked people before if they're minding what they have, but though years ago I might have said it was nice to have one of each, I have two girls and my eldest defiantly refused to acknowledge she was born a girl, until recently. She's at secondary this year. I've always felt I've got the one of each experience, as my eldest used to only dress in "boy" clothes, she plays football and hates "girly" things, and my youngest does ballet, loves make up and will only wear dresses and leggings, not even jeans! I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a person what their feelings are for their next child, but stating what they should have is a bit off. I had comments about not having a boy the second time round. Her father wanted a boy, he already had one before we were together. Said it would be nicer for his son. Who was far too old to have built any kind of relationship with her anyway for that to have mattered.

Bearfrills · 03/01/2019 11:38

People always comment!

DC1 I had a boy and had people asking if we were going to try for a girl next.

DC2 was a girl and I was told things like "well done" and "clever girl" as if I had any sort of control over what sex of baby I'd produced, was also told I could stop now that I'd had one of each.

DC3 was asked why, what was the point, you've already got one of each, there's not a third option and then told I'd have to have a fourth because it would be unfair to make DC2 a middle child. I had a boy so was asked by quite a few people if we were going to try for another girl.

DC4 was a girl so again I got lots of congratulations on being clever and well done for producing two of each to make a matching set Hmm and I've had people ask me how we managed to make not just one but two girls, said in a very "how dare you..." tone of voice.

I know some families with all boys, some with all girls, and some with a mix of both. They're all lovely.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 03/01/2019 11:53

It's almost as though when you get pregnant for the second time people run out of things to say so make daft ill-thought-out comments and you either have to challenge them or let them roll off your back.

After a few months with the second DS I'd dead-eye anyone who asked "are you disappointed to be having another boy?" and state "well, yes, we were hoping for a lemur" and DH would do his cross face and stopped taking me to work events with him or places where I could take my ire out on humanity.

I still get it now occasionally where people feel compelled to ask me if I feel as though I'm missing out because I didn't get "my girl". I have a few friends who've been set on having one thing or another, but I genuinely haven't ever felt it so just don't understand the fuss.

Koala101 · 03/01/2019 11:54

I really don’t understand why people like the OP get so uptight about this kind of thing. Seriously stop wasting brain space thinking about it, or writing on mums net to mull it over and gauge other people’s opinion. I had comments like this all the time. In one ear and out the other. Move on.

ohlittletown0f · 03/01/2019 11:56

Ignore. It means nothing.

People have to say something and pretend to be interested (or be accused of being rude anyway), and really what is there to say? "How lovely congratulations. Now who's for another G&T/Cup of Tea?" (Insensitive, disinterested)
"Bully for you, I really don't care" - how I really feel
"Lovely, hope it goes well" - rude, scaremongering
"That's great news!" (Is it?)

(And anyway lots of people do think it is nicer to have both sexes or just boys, or just girls or "as long it is healthy" (because anything else is Bad News) - those are their opinions and they may assume it is yours)

I mean honestly 90% of what is said in these situations is rubbish - including what is said by the "happy mother-to-be /couple"

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 03/01/2019 12:07

I have 3 boys, there was genuine disappointment on the faces of some people when learning the 3rd was a boy also. And then the shock that I've been sterilised because clearly, i should be trying for a girl instead of stopping having children. Some people are far too invested in things that are of no concern to them. Ignore the rude comments, or just ask them why it matters? Little boys are great, little girls are also great but a healthy child is whats important surely?

romany4 · 03/01/2019 12:14

Prepare yourself for the “what a shame! when are you going to try for a third” comment if it turns out to be another boy (yes, we got these.

I had exactly this said to me by my MIL when we found out we were having ds2 despite both of us being thrilled at having another boy.
Even after he was born she never bothered her arse with him as DH sister found out she was expecting a girl at the same time. The girl is still get princess. Ds2 never got a look in

RaiderOfTheKitchenCupboard · 03/01/2019 12:22

I think the only person who felt the need to comment on it was my MIL, she was hoping we’d have a girl. She had 2 boys and always wanted a daughter. Anyway, we’ve got 2 boys and we’re perfectly happy with that. Before the second was even born she was saying we’d have to try again for a girl. Think she’s finally got the message now that we’re done. BIL doesn’t have or want kids so I’ve had the brunt of it.

Trinpy · 03/01/2019 12:30

I have 2 boys and got this a lot. MIL actually refused to accept that ds2 was a boy until he was born. I thought I wouldn't let it bother me but it really did! I used to worry (and still do a little bit) that ds2 would grow up wondering if we were disappointed by him being male.

YANBU to say something. Only way they'll learn to stop saying it to others.

BirthdayKake · 03/01/2019 12:30

I have a boy and three girls and an also expecting in July.

We'll hopefully be finding out the sex but won't be telling anyone as I cannot be ARSED with the comments if it's another girl!

It's my first baby with DH (apart from the ones we lost) so I couldn't care less what sex it is

moleeye · 03/01/2019 12:33

I have this!

Have a 4 year old DD, took us 2.5 years to conceive #2 including a failed IVF attempt. Everyone has an opinion or comment on the sex (it happens we are due a boy early March).

Now the comments are "oh you can stop now, you must be glad you have one of each"

No people, this is a much longed for baby. I don't care what sex it is, I just want to know he's ok and healthy!!!!

Boils my piss!!!!! And breatheeeeeee

Christmasisforadults2 · 03/01/2019 12:48

I had the midwife in the delivery room tell me when I have my next to plan a home birth because ds three came to fast. I was like WTF - it had been an hour since I had him. I had repeatedly called the hospital but was told to wait wait wait. And ended up having ds 3 in the car.
I was shocked to say the least. Especially as my eldest are 14/11 and lo is 1, so it wasn't like I was there every year.
Plus I get ' you have all boys' all the time, I don't give a fig because I love my boys.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/01/2019 12:50

Yes I hate this, not even thinking about a second but people pass comments about me wanting a boy next...if I had a second Id actually would like another girl. You get what you get.