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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2nd baby gender comments

39 replies

RibenaMonsoon · 03/01/2019 07:52

Expecting a baby in July. We also have 2 year old DS.
We don't know the sex yet. Will find out in February. Although neither myself or DH really care which it is, its nice to know so we can start buying stuff.

We've had comments from various members of the family and friends. Its starting to really piss me off.
"Wouldn't it be lovely if its a girl this time"
"I hope its a girl this time"
"It'd be nice to have one of each"

Would I BU to start challenging people on this?

So... What if its another boy? Is everyone going to be disappointed? How horrible!

No baby cuddles for those people then.

Maybe I'm just being overly emotional and hormonal. But the thought that this beautiful child isn't going to be as appreciated or cared as much about because of the potential gender really upsets me. I'm sure people don't mean to be horrid and are just perhaps making conversation but bloody hell have some tact!!

Sorry for the rant. I guess I just needed to vent and make sure I'm not being overly emotional and hormonal here.

OP posts:

Anotheronebitesthefluff · 03/01/2019 13:35

My own parent was disappointed that I was a girl and told me so when I asked him (I must have known somehow to even ask). It damaged my self esteem as a child and we don't talk. Now I'm expecting my second girl and am worried I'll lose my shit if I get any negative comments, all the grandparents want a boy.

Lookingforadvice123 · 03/01/2019 13:47

YANBU, I felt just the same before finding out the sex of DS2 due next month. I have barely had any comments in fairness which has been a nice surprise, only from one colleague who is expecting his second girl and made it clear he wanted a boy so the "set". And from MIL, who said things like "oh I didn't care what you were having" and "there's no point hoping for one sex in case you're disappointed" after we found out it's a second boy, in a condescending, consolation prize way. She's weird though and thinks SIL is God's gift even though she's a bit of a mess, DH and BIL are much "better" children in my view (nothing to do with the sex, but with them as people, which proves the point entirely).

Lookingforadvice123 · 03/01/2019 13:47

Forgot to add - definitely pull people up on it though, if they're rude. How dare they. A healthy child of any sex is such a blessing, a friend recently had a still birth which is a stark reminder of this.

Liverbird77 · 03/01/2019 13:54

I've just had a little boy. I always used to think I would love one of each. Now I honestly wouldn't care. I can't imagine loving anyone as much as my son anyway. Another would be double the love, boy or girl!

SarahSissions · 03/01/2019 13:59

Just reply with "Our priority is a spare for the heir first. We'll think about a girl later"

Lookingforadvice123 · 03/01/2019 14:02

SarahSissions I love that! Might start saying it

Ilikeviognier · 03/01/2019 14:12

I have 2 boys and I get this too.

Only recently I was asked if we were trying for a third to get a girl...... Erm no.

confused8 · 03/01/2019 14:28

YADNBU! I was at a birthday outing recently...currently pregnant with my first...my friends mother who I'd never met before was shocked we don't know what we are having and said that we should absolutely find out before the birth so I have "time to deal with the disappointment if it's a boy". I was so shocked that people genuinely feel like this! We are so grateful for having a baby and will be more than happy with a boy or a girl! Peoples comments can be insane!

Original poster

RibenaMonsoon · 03/01/2019 15:34

SarahSissions that's amazing! That's my new comeback

OP posts:

Lookingforadvice123 · 03/01/2019 18:38

We're rely after saying on this thread that I've not really had any negative comments, just now the woman who tinted my eyebrows made some comments like oh I wouldn't know what to do with boys and also when boys are older and have their own families, they don't bother with their mums. How rude! And such an old fashioned stereotype. There's also a stereotype that teenage girls hate their mums, but I would never say that to someone with daughters. Some people have no filter.

dontlikebeards · 04/01/2019 00:01

After i had dd3 someone actually said "A third girl? What a shame!" I was too sleep deprived to think of a comeback at the time and just stood there open mouthed.

I had lots of people commenting about trying for a boy during my second and third pregnancy.

ladybug92 · 04/01/2019 00:42

Ah it's so annoying isn't it.
We are expecting a baby in April and don't know the sex. We already have a daughter and my husband has 2 daughters so EVERYONE is commenting how it's bound to be a boy and how good it'll be if it's a boy. It's beyond annoying.
I don't care boy or girl but secretly I want it to be a girl now just because everyone is saying it should be a boy.

I think people don't know what to say very often so they focus on this as it seems less intrusive. They can't comment on your appearance or parenting style or anything controversial like that so maybe that's why they focus on this.

At least you are finding out soon so hopefully the comments will stop then. Good luck and enjoy the pregnancy xx

Picknickers · 04/01/2019 00:44

One of my sister's has 3 boys. She is sick of people saying what a shame it is that she didn't have a girl. She's very forthright about being delighted with her gorgeous boys!

Picknickers · 04/01/2019 00:45

Autocorrect put that apostrophe there not me 😳

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