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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it creepy when DH touches my breasts since bfeeding

74 replies

AbitOfaCrummyMummy · 02/01/2019 22:58

Am I the only one thats found this?

It makes me really uncomfortable if DH goes near em. Eventhough DS (15m) is down to one feed before bed.

Somehow bfeeding has ruined that part of sex..which is worrying as I am only half as keen as DH anyway

Or am I wierd Blush

OP posts:
Pachyderm1 · 03/01/2019 08:54

This is a ludicrous reason not to BF

Women are allowed to make whatever decisions in respect of their bodies that are right for them, and you shouldn’t call them ‘ludicrous’ just because they aren’t the same decisions you would make. Whether its choosing not to breastfeed or deciding to have an elective c-section - you aren’t in their shoes and can’t judge their decisions.

ReaganSomerset · 03/01/2019 08:57

Maybe the woman who had a section to stay tight

Dunno why, but this sentence gives me the ick.

For what it's worth, I don't have an issue with DH near my breasts and feel no less 'tight' than before the baby (currently breastfeeding and had a vaginal birth).

brookshelley · 03/01/2019 09:03

I do think it’s ludicous. Sorry. If you try and can’t BF or for other health/life issues you can’t thats one thing. To not even attempt because you like using your breasts for sex - yes I do judge a woman negatively for that.

Purplejay · 03/01/2019 09:10

I was the same while bf and fed DS until he was 3.5 yrs. I just found it immensely irritating! It does go away 😀

Pachyderm1 · 03/01/2019 09:11

Good job women are so used to facing endless negative judgment for exerting bodily autonomy, eh?

Original poster
AbitOfaCrummyMummy · 03/01/2019 09:14

I would add that boobs being so sexualised is why bfeeding is so unnecessarily 'controversial' for some when out and about. I literally lost sleep over bfeeding out in public for the first time and lo and behold some old creep make a comment that 'you cant do that in here' before muttering 'only joking!' Then staring at me from across the room. Pervert.

Shame. I love bfeeding. I dont think my mind can multitask their use though 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
AbitOfaCrummyMummy · 03/01/2019 09:17

@brookshelley maybe if someone wasnt enjoying sex to the extent it was impacting their mood (i am thinking depression). But thats abit extreme!

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 03/01/2019 09:24

It doesn't always feel this way OP. I've been pregnant and / or breastfeeding for 4 years and now 6 months since completely stopping BF (and no more pregnancies!), things have gone back to normal with regards to how sexual I find my breasts.

brookshelley · 03/01/2019 09:31

maybe if someone wasnt enjoying sex to the extent it was impacting their mood (i am thinking depression). But thats abit extreme!

I can completely understand if a mum starts BF, finds that it negatively affects her sex life (or any other part of her life for that matter), and then chooses to stop. It's not easy - I'm on round two and I am SO READY to wean this baby and get my body back.

But I think deciding in advance not to BF at all in order to keep the breasts sexually available is strange.

MysweetAudrina · 03/01/2019 09:32

I enjoyed Dh touching my boobs when I was breastfeeding ( not while). I must have dual purpose boobs. I also enjoyed sex fairly soon after I gave birth. Couldn't wait to do it with no bump in the way.

I can understand after reading some of the comments why a woman may not want to lose her boobs for sex. I never realised that bf put women off their boobs being touched sexually.

I wonder do men realise this is a thing before they have children. Is it something that's talked about.

Is it bad that I feel a little sad for the menz?

Changednamesorry · 03/01/2019 09:40

@brookshelley I think you are being unbelievably unfair. If a woman doesn't want to breastfeed because she wants her breasts to be just for sex.... That's up to her. People can do what they want....... And you judging them negaticely sys more about you than it does about them. I say this as someone who breastfeeds my kids past age 2 and have never given a bottle of formula in my life.

brookshelley · 03/01/2019 10:35

Sorry if you think it’s harsh.

StoppinBy · 03/01/2019 11:01

@brookeshelley for what it's worth I actually agree with what you are saying. If you choose to have a child why would you choose to grow that child then birth it, whether natural or c/s and then not feed it the way your body intended (assuming that you can do so) just so your breasts can remain a sexual object.

Cowgirljess · 03/01/2019 11:18

I know how you feel!
Nipper stimulation was my favourite thing during sex but the minute in started breast feeding I found any touch or evening listing after my chest I find creepy, unsexy and such a turn off. I snapped at my husband whenever he did this (but that's because he carried on trying to after I explained why it made me feel uncomfortable )
It took me over 6 months after I stopped breast feeding, so basically until she was 2 to feel better

extrastrongnosugar · 03/01/2019 13:11

Not just you. Still cant get over the fact i now know WHY boobs exist. Its like a red pill moment

brookshelley · 04/01/2019 01:43

StoppinBy yes that is my point. People are saying I'm trying to take away women's choices - no I'm not! I'm just having an opinion about a certain choice.

If you don't BF because you have health issues, you have a history of sexual abuse, you had a traumatic birth and are depleted immediately post-partum, you have to go back to work in a few weeks for financial reasons - I completely understand all of these issues.

But my problem with "not going to try BF because I want to keep my breasts for sex" is that it assumes so much about post-baby sex life. The mum might not even want sex, she might have 3rd degree tear and not be able to have sex for a long time, she might have a colicky non-sleeper and literally not have time or energy for sex, she might BF and find she still enjoys sex the same as she did before with no effect. It's like preemptively making a choice that we know is not optimal for the baby based on a lot of what ifs.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 04/01/2019 01:58

"I don't want to" is a perfectly valid reason not to breastfeed, regardless of the reasoning behind it.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 04/01/2019 02:00

Come to think of it, why on earth SHOULD women have to give reasons not to breastfeed?

brookshelley · 04/01/2019 02:09

No one has to give a reason. If a reason is given, I can have an opinion on it.

In the same way an acquaintance recently replied to my comment that I'm still BF my 1 year old, that she had never BF and that she thinks it's gross. I obviously don't agree with her but that's her opinion. She hasn't taken my choice away, I still BF. She just doesn't agree with it.

OkPedro · 04/01/2019 03:17

brookshelley you seem to only have an opinion on women who don't bf because they see their breasts as only for sex.
I don't think bf is gross but felt physically sick at the thought of my dc suckling on my breast.
Funny though, your friend doesn't actually disagree with YOUR choice to bf your 1 year old. She just doesn't want to do it herself. Why do you care?

brookshelley · 04/01/2019 03:28

MN exists for mums to discuss opinions on a variety of topics. I care in the sense that this post exists and I’m commenting on it. It doesn’t factor highly in my actual life.

OkPedro · 04/01/2019 03:44

Don't let your judgemental opinion spill over into real life brookshelley

brookshelley · 04/01/2019 05:00

Noted. I am more than capable of keeping my thoughts to myself but thanks for the helpful tip.

Weenurse · 04/01/2019 05:08

I do remember telling my DH ‘they are for food, not for fun ‘ when I was feeding.
No problems now.

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