DP keeps doing DIY for me and it's driving me a bit mad.

[DIYDoldrums]

DP and I have been together 3 years. We don't live together, we both own our own house, I bought mine in November finally, after I got divorced from a really physically abusive marriage 4 years ago and DP knows I don't want to live with a man again and I am doing this to protect myself and DC's, we are both very happy with the situation. He is great.

He has been here since Boxing day as we both have time off. The problem is he keeps doing DIY for me and it's driving me a bit mad. He does a job related very closely to DIY and is very good at it BUT he won't stop! He's painted my bathroom, cleared out and arranged my understairs storage, put up loads of pictures for me, put up towel rails and loo holders etc and generally I've been happy and grateful. BUT he just put up a fire blanket in my new kitchen. It's right next to my sink and kitchen window, on the boxed in bit over my boiler. He's drilled into the wood. I know it's very safe but it looks so ugly! And you will be able to see it from the outside.

I have an operation tomorrow, he's dropping me off at the hospital at 8am and is collecting me after the op. I'm DREADING what 'helpful' DIY he's going to have done in the meantime.

AIBU? I know I should be grateful but I can hear him drilling in the downstairs loo and I have no idea what he is doing?! I need to communicate to him that I want him to just wait until I've asked him to do stuff. And not put up weird fire blankets where I think it looks shit?! I am ungrateful aren't I? People pay for this stuff doing but it's doing my head in that he's just taking it upon himself to do it!

Can you not just stop him? I'd rage at a fire blanket going on the wall. He needs to ask what you want doing, it's not his house. Stop him now tell him! It's almost like abuse- clearly he thinks he knows better than you and hasn't bothered asking.

Oh God please send this man to my house!

‘Darling, thank you for all the DIY, it’s great. Just run it by me first though. Thanks’

I know these are kind gestures but it's not his house. He should wait until he is asked.

Are you in SW London? I can DEFINITELY keep him occupied...

But of course YANBU - it’s your house and you should make those decisions. Why not give him a list of things you’d like done and discuss it together so you get the most out of him but he doesn’t get hurt?

Tell him him you're not happy about the fire blanket and watch for his reaction. It'll tell you a lot.

My DP is also an over-enthusiastic DIYer but we can laugh about it. He knows I'm grateful for the help but also knows we have different views on what looks right.

Take the fire blanket down and go and stop him drilling. He's acting strange. It's fine to help do stuff but under instruction and not like taking over

Only on mumsnet could unwanted DIY work qualify as abuse.. 😂

Just tell him you're very grateful but like to decide what goes where as you're proud of your own house and please could you decide together

Is he anxious about your op and trying to help and keep himself busy?

My ddad has just rung telling me that he's coming tomorrow to put up a curtain pole. FFS. Is it a new year thing?!

I'll talk to DP later about the DIY thing. I reckon he will be sorry that I think he's overstepped boundaries but a bit that I'm not appreciating it. Part of me wonders if I'm so prickly about men helping with this stuff but the fire blanket makes my lovely new kitchen look like a caff!

Can you not just tell him to stop doing this? It’s your house and you get to decide what needs doing. If he offers to do something and you agree, then that’s great, but it looks like he’s taking over.

I would be extremely pissed off and making him stop!

They are ugly things. Mines behind the kitchen door so you can't see it when you walk in the room.

Oh please send him to me! Takes dh a year to do one tiny job. Your dp sounds amazing! Although I do get that unwanted help must be irritating. But still, someone who willingly does DIY...

Bless him! Fair enough though, he is being overzealous. Thank him, but say that there is nothing more you want doing at the moment.

He's not abusive, at all. I think he's just got a bit carried away. He can't just sit and relax, he has to be doing. My house is a totally blank canvas but I want to live in it for a while before I make decisions. And I want to sit and relax because I'm on leave and lazy

I once went on a date with a man who was clearly not over his ex. He spent a lot of time listing all of the work he’d put into her house before she’d dumped him (he was a handyman by trade).

I can understand why you aren’t happy with the DIY Op as it is a bit territorial to keep making permanent adjustments to someone elses home

Send him to me I'm begging you we had a whole in a wall near the back door when we moved in to one place and I kid you not DH cut a piece of wood an glued it over the wall he didn't even cut it neatly!!!

I think it sounds like he’s trying to do all the little things for you that he thinks you may not be able to do yourself but which will make your new home feel “finished” wan yoge only just purchased it. Also if you’re having an operation it’s possible both he and your dad want to make you feel pampered and cared for and this is the only way that know how.

Where do you live? Honestly send him and your dad to me. I'll pay them.

Tell him you're grateful for the fire blanket and the work he's done, but you don't like it's placement and can he move it to a location you prefer.

May as well keep him busy, if he's going to do it, get him to do stuff you want.

I just asked him to move the fire blanket to the back of the kitchen door (thanks @gamerchick ) and he said 'Oh sorry, it probably wasn't the best place to put it, was it!'

Nooooo DP. It wasn't.

That would annoy the hell out of me. I live on my own, my house belongs to me and is the way I want it to be because that's the way I like it. I imagine you're the same. If I want any DIY done that I can't do I pay someone to do it, and I tell them exactly what I want and where I want it.

He's taking over. Stop him. Tell him in no uncertain term that he is not to do any more DIY unless you ask him to. And take the fire blanket down. If he's offended, so be it. He wasn't afraid of offending you by putting it up without asking if you wanted it before drilling holes in your wood.

Bloody awful level of presumption on his part.

Take all his tools and bury them in a deep pit in the garden while he's asleep tonight. Hopefully he won't find them before he has to pick you up from the hospital.

I really need this man, if you don’t want him, I’ll have him. Please😂

Ah, just seen you've acted on the fire blanket. Well done.

I think you are right MrsJonSno

It's an op that's going to be quite painful afterwards and I had a bad time with the same op last year. Actuslly, come to think of it, he did a big tidy the night before that operation too. He can get bouts of anxiety.