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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bed fed up of football

33 replies

Passthepigs · 01/01/2019 18:51

DH supports a local (20 miles away) team. He had a season ticket and goes to all home matches, plus many away matches too if they are drivable in a few hours.

Problem is a 90 minute home match takes him away for the entire afternoon. An away game is usually most of the day and into evening.

AIBU to say I refuse to look after our 2 year old DS next time there is a game on? I’m fed up of the assumption I’m going to be willing to do the childcare while he peruses his hobby.

I teach and therefore need 3/4 hours at the weekend to get planning marking done. Because I have DS all day Saturdays while DH is out I have to do this on a Sunday meaning we don’t get any family time as a 3, and I don’t get any time to do anything for myself without DS in tow.

OP posts:

ShaniceDanielle · 01/01/2019 18:55

Mums are always expected to do more it seems my partner will happily sit back and watch me multitask with a baby in one hand and a Hoover in the other why he's sat being a couch potato x

Sirzy · 01/01/2019 18:58

You both need away time.

Cutting back on away games would be a good compromise but I wouldn’t stop him going completely

budgiegirl · 01/01/2019 18:59

Could you come to a compromise? Perhaps say it’s ok for him to go to all home matches, but no away matches. So he’s only out every other Saturday afternoon.

I do think parents need hobbies away from the family, but it’s funny how it often only works one way! Ask how he’d feel if you spent every Saturday out of the house while he had DS. It might make him realise how you feel.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 01/01/2019 19:02

My DH has a season ticket. Since we've had DS he only goes to home games. He may watch away games on the TV or in the pub but only if I'm okay with it and will often take DS with him. If he knows he's watching a match he make sure I get some time to myself at some point.

His friend still goes to every home and away game which not only takes him away from his family it costs him an absolute fortune. It's outrageous and my DH agrees.

Your DH needs to understand how much time his hobby is taking up and compromise in someway.

Oysterbabe · 01/01/2019 19:03

Agree that reducing away games is the best idea. Can you do your marking Saturday morning so Sunday is free for family time?

masterandmargarita · 01/01/2019 19:12

Or he could stop being so obsessive and put his family first

Original poster

Passthepigs · 01/01/2019 19:12

Saturday morning is DS swimming lesson so I can’t work then. I try to do a few hours in an evening but DH doesn’t get home from work until 7-7:30 so I find I’m too tired by then to start doing much. I’m nearly 30 weeks pregnant so need early nights at the minute!

I think home games only would be helpful, but I don’t think he would stick to it. Especially as so many of the away ones in his league seem to be “local rivals”! I may suggest that he can only go to an away game if he organises childcare for DS somewhere.

OP posts:

ShaniceDanielle · 01/01/2019 19:16

If you live close by I'd be happy to help you keep the kiddos occupied a hour why you get abit done x

budgiegirl · 01/01/2019 19:17

Saturday morning is DS swimming lesson so I can’t work then

You could if your DH took him to the lesson. He does child care on Saturday morning, you do childcare Saturday afternoon. Family time on Sunday - perfect solution !!

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 01/01/2019 19:20

I agree with getting him to take DS to his swimming lessons. Why do you have to do everything?

Also a good idea for him to arrange childcare for away games. My DH does that.

Original poster

Passthepigs · 01/01/2019 19:20

Budgiegirl- unfortunately DH can’t swim and so won’t do the swimming lesson. Given that option before he has suggested we stop swimming and he takes DS to a toddler football group instead. I’ve been tempted but DS loves his swimming and it’s important and so I am reluctant to stop it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Passthepigs · 01/01/2019 19:21

We usually both attend the swimming lesson so that DH can get DS dried and changed while I sort myself out. Means we only need to be out of the house from 8:30-10am. We then tend to do the food shop before DH heads out to football.

OP posts:

MumW · 01/01/2019 19:27

Surely, at 2 years, lessons take place in the kiddie pool or shallow end so being able to swim is not a barrier but just an excuse.

TotesEmoshTerri · 01/01/2019 19:27

It sounds like you to get DH to give up this hobby. Also why would he need to know how to swim for a 2 year old swimming lesson? They're surely not hitting the deep end yet..? Or do you actually give the lesson?

MumW · 01/01/2019 19:29

I guess , on the plus side, he'll start taking DS to the football when he is a bit older.
I have same problem so feel your pain but, unfortunately, my DDs didn't have any interest in going with thier Dad. (Not from want of trying on my part).

Notso · 01/01/2019 19:30

I'd scrap the organised swimming lesson and let your DH take him to football so Saturday mornings are yours.
You can always take him swimming together on a Sunday, he's only two so has plenty of time for formal swimming lessons later.
I'd also say that he needs to arrange childcare on some of the Saturdays.
My husband watches a local team and often takes DC to home games if I'm busy.

ForalltheSaints · 01/01/2019 19:30

It depends who he follows in my opinion (I am a man!). If it is a team who have never won anything for years and might do well, then perhaps should be given up at the end of the season. If he is a Man United glory seeker or supporting some useless team such as Cardiff or Ipswich who get thrashed often, or Swansea who charge £400+ for mascots, then he should be encouraged to stop immediately.

SPR1107 · 01/01/2019 19:36

I feel you OP! This used to be me, except DH was playing rather than watching.

He trained Tuesdays and Thursdays and play played Saturdays (semi-pro... minimal amount) and Sundays (just because his friends played)! He also works Saturday mornings.

When we had DS, the Sunday's stopped! DS is 2, and I'm pregnant as well. Before we agreed on the second baby, I asked that he considered this season to be his last for a couple of years. I was fed up of him walking out the door at 7 every Saturday morning and strolling back in to a quiet household with DS in bed, and us having to fit in family visits, days out, house stuff etc all in to a Sunday. (I also work).

There were a LOT of conversations (some heated), before he finally saw it from my perspective. I still don't think he fully agrees, and I understand that it must be difficult to give up something you've done since a small child, but he did, and is finishing just before baby no.2 comes.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 01/01/2019 19:36

forall I'm not sure you understand how supporting a football team works 🙄
He shouldn't be made to give up his season ticket at all. He just needs to be more considerate.

SPR1107 · 01/01/2019 19:37

Posted too soon.

My point being you're not alone in his you feel, and I really do think they see it as a way of life.
Do try and make your DH understand that everything you're feeling now will only be heightened with two. There needs to be some compromise

ilovesooty · 01/01/2019 19:38

Did he support the team before you started a family?

budgiegirl · 01/01/2019 19:42

Given that option before he has suggested we stop swimming and he takes DS to a toddler football group instead

Then I’d let him do this. You can always take DS swimming in the afternoon - just DS and you, no real need for lessons at his age , just water confidence. More formal lessons can be done when he’s older and DH won’t need to get in the pool with him.

TornFromTheInside · 01/01/2019 19:45

As your DS grows up, this may be one of the father son bonding activities they enjoy together. That doesn't take away from the impact it's currently having, but it's worth bearing in mind.

I go to the match with my son, and it's one of the rare times I get to see him now he's grown up, but in his teens it was a very special time.

Personally, I think the away games is a bit much for the father of a small child, but that depends on how much balance is given to you in return, but it doesn't sound like there is anywhere near enough balance.

At a first glance, I'd say home games is a fair compromise, but for him to be aware of the impact it has on you (you're absolutely right, a 90 minute match is really all afternoon to attend). He could consider bringing in some food after the match as a treat (Chinese, Indian if that's your kind of thing). He could also give you some of the morning to yourself by taking your DS out in the morning - to wash the car, go to the park etc...

Basically, there are options where he gets this time (which isn't a bad thing), but you get some time too.

expatmigrant · 01/01/2019 19:45

We were in the same situation many years ago.
However, I was happy for my DH to play rugby on a Saturday afternoon as it gave me time with DD swing friends or going shopping, after working full time all week and spending the evenings planning an marking.
We use to take her swimming on a Saturday morning and also spent time together on a Sunday morning whilst she played football. DH would then take DD out on Sunday afternoon for me to do school work.
That is pretty much family life as a teacher.
Football will finish by May or maybe even earlier, then you have all summer to spend as a family.
I would run early morning at weekends so that I also got to do some exercise.
Wouldn't have stopped my DH from doing sport.
I probably did get the short end of the stick during term time but the holidays made up for it.

Original poster

Passthepigs · 01/01/2019 19:48

It’s a league 2 team!

Swimming lessons are in an adult chest height deep pool and it involves things like swimming with DS on your back which DH is not confident doing.

OP posts:

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